Broke up with an Ex and need advice?

[Violet Beret]

Hello, I am new here and I really need advice on this certain issue. Any comments and honest words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

Me and my (recently) ex-boyfriend have been talking and going out together for 6 months. Things were going good however I have had some issues with him over the months as well. Sometimes I felt he ignored me, never really acknowledged me as his girlfriend, and wasn't giving his all while we were together. I mean we would IM and talk on the phone, even hang out sometimes, but there was still something missing like he wasn't too serious about me or giving it his all because we were never really public about how we felt for each other (which irked me more and more as time went on). There were times where it seemed like her prefered and was interested in talking to friends over me. We would talk about this sometimes but the issue kept coming back again and again. For the most part, I didn't really tell him how I honestly felt about everything. I blame myself for not communicating my wants and needs of what I want in a relationship more clearly.

This past May, things really took a turn for the worse. I had just found out (from a friend) that a guy friend of mine had liked me. In the past, I have told my bf that other guys have liked me, but assured him that he was the only one I was interested in. So I told my boyfriend of the news and he didn't seem bothered. I had planned on telling my guy-friend that I was currently involved with my BF. My BF then IMed me telling me that he was currently seeing someone else and asked if I mind. I was angry, upon finding this out. Which led into a huge argument on the phone. I told him I thought we were together. He told me that seeing a number of people at a time was just the norm at college and that he tried to have me as his only love interest but him going elsewhere was all my fault somehow. He also told me he had issues with me as well, such as not spending much time with him or acting funny around him sometimes. I was so angry that I went nearly three weeks without speaking to him. I would IM him and he would IM me, but both of us were still too angry to really speak.

Just recently, my bf IM me and I called him back. We both talked about plans for the summer. He seemed to think that I had already started dating someone. Then the conversation led to me telling him how hurt and angry I was upon him telling me that he was seeing someone else. He responded saying that he never meant to hurt me and just wanted to be honest. I then responded that perhaps we were better off as friends for now and that currently I was considering talking to my guy friend. We both were hurt, but re-assured each other that we still cared for each other and would rather have a friendship together than nothing at all. I told him, perhaps in the future maybe things would be different and we could try again but for now, being just friends was probably best for us.

Right now, I do talk to my guy-friend but at this point it's nothing serious. I don't really think it's me having feelings for him (I'm not to that point as of yet although I do like him and think he's a nice guy), but more so wanting to keep other dating options open. I told him about my ex and the whole breakup, he seems fine with it. I don't want to led him on or make him feel like a rebound, but right now I'm not really interested in a serious relationship. I do just want to take things slow and over time sort out my feelings. A part of me still miss my ex, but right now I really don't know if it's me wanting to stay in that familiar zone or if I still have feelings for him. Perhaps it's a bit of both, since the breakup just recently happened. My ex was my first bf and I never really dated prior to college. I do know I don't want to stay with him if he's seeing someone else and me having to worry about that. I'm still wondering how I'm going to react when I see him in the fall.

The question I have is was I right for breaking it off with him. I don't blame him completely for the break-up, I also blame lack of honest communication between us as well. A part of me feels that I'm giving up too easily, but another part of me feels we're better off apart for a while instead of letting our resentments and anger towards each other continue to grow and tear us down. Also how can I move on and if I'm ready to move on. A part of me thinks (and hopes) sometime in the future we can start over again. Please I need your advice on this.

[Hyper_Techno]

Mm.. I think you should give yourself some time.. relax and then think what you should do

[Gigabitch]

The question I have is was I right for breaking it off with him. I don't blame him completely for the break-up, I also blame lack of honest communication between us as well. A part of me feels that I'm giving up too easily, but another part of me feels we're better off apart for a while instead of letting our resentments and anger towards each other continue to grow and tear us down. Also how can I move on and if I'm ready to move on. A part of me thinks (and hopes) sometime in the future we can start over again. Please I need your advice on this.

Okay, so you thought you and your bf were exclusive and it turns out you weren't. For a lot of people, that would mean that he really wasn't your bf because you were sharing him with others.

I don't think you have a lot to lose by walking away from this. He seems to be casual enough about you that you could probably start right back up where you left off in the fall.

I do think it would be a good idea to open yourself up to the possibility of a summer relationship (read: rebound). it could do you a world of good.

[Violet Beret]

Okay, so you thought you and your bf were exclusive and it turns out you weren't. For a lot of people, that would mean that he really wasn't your bf because you were sharing him with others.

I don't think you have a lot to lose by walking away from this. He seems to be casual enough about you that you could probably start right back up where you left off in the fall.

I do think it would be a good idea to open yourself up to the possibility of a summer relationship (read: rebound). it could do you a world of good.

Thanks you both.

I'm not sure if I could start up again with him like that. While I still do care for him, I don't want to repeat my mistakes and everything that went wrong in our relationship. Chances are I don't think he'll change or anything.

A summer relationship wouldn't be bad. I am talking to my guy-friend, but he also goes to college with me as well. However it's mostly phone-conversations we have. I'm not sure where this could go. But I don't want to lead him on with him developing stron feelings for me and me just getting over a break-up.

[bluestrattos]

You did, in my humble opinion, a wise decision! I'm almost certain you won't regret it.

Just one thing... for future reference, keep in mind one of the keywords to a successful relationship: Communication

Good luck

[Violet Beret]

You did, in my humble opinion, a wise decision! I'm almost certain you won't regret it.

Just one thing... for future reference, keep in mind one of the keywords to a successful relationship: Communication

Good luck

Thanks

Seeing how this relationship turned out, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

[blue]

on to the next pbut not too quickly either! we live we learn

[Gigabitch]

Oh, go to the beach and get a fresh one! A summer relationship has to end when you go back to school- so your college friend won't do. You need some man candy with an expiration date!