Cheated on, what to do?

[because_I_can]

I've been dating this person for more than 4 years now and I just found out that this person slept with another person one month after we officially began dating each other (movies once a week, calls maybe a couple times a week, I said I didn't want anything "serious"). To be fair, we did split up for about a month shortly after this incident, but not because I knew about the cheating. Up to this day, I had no clue the person cheated.

There have been a couple small incidents that demonstrate a lack of good judgement (flirting, a desire to feel pursued, a desire to kiss someone else) on this person's side of things since then that have made for rocky times. I know this person is in love with me, and I love this person back, but learning about this cheating comes at a time when I'm deciding whether we should move in together.

What should I do?

[sabrina]

As Swuftygirl, I would say forget about what happened 4 years ago. I would be more concerned about the 'lack of good judgement'. Can you trust him 100%? If so, go for it. If not, clear up those details before moving in with him.

[vashti]

I think you are making a big deal out of not much. Does your partner's faithfulness for the last four years mean nothing?

BTW - flirting does not necessarily imply intent, and a desire to be attractive to others is pretty universal. How did you come to find out about your partner's so-called lack of good judgement?

Based solely on the info you provided, you sound like a relatively insecure person. If that is an accurate description of you, you might want to work on that before you drive this person away.

[clynn]

I think that you didn't want anything serious at the time, and for all this peson knew - it wasn't going to work out between you two.

You should definitely overlook this.

I wouldn't even call it cheating.

[Ellynn]

Yeah it happened so long ago, and you two had just started seeing each other. You didn't even want anything serious back then, and this person probably didn't know where things stood between you two at the time. So, they were fair game


What you should focus on is the present. I take it your serious now. Or least have been in the past few yrs. But I would focus on what has happened since becoming exclusive and being more serious, then what happened when you two were just casually dating in the very beginning.

[Gigabitch]

How did you find out about the cheating? And also, had you agreed to be exclusive with one another at that point? A lot of girls assume that "officially dating" means exclusively dating, which is a big mistake.

I think you're searching desperately for a reason not to move in with him. Maybe you're just not ready, and it's not his fault.