Should I cut this friendship or there's hope for mending?

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Hi guys, feeling a little sad about this whole thing but I'm okay. Here's the story.
We newly met for 1-2 wks, I'm 31 and she's 18, yah both of us are Asian and no we're just friends but I love her very much.

Just to let you know that recently I'd met a young lady friend from HK. Actually, she found me from one of my posting I've placed online.
To make a long story short, she wanted to rent together with me, but anyway things didn't work out because her school and my place of work is quite inconvient for commuting.
Who is she? She's a former Canadian returning to Canada to study. She was born in Canada. Her parents took her back to HK when she was around 4 yrs old. She's now 18 and planning to study architecture after she finishes high school. She's supposed to have finished this semester but didn't do well in some courses (calculus and physics).
Anyway, she's a very special individual. I went out with her a couple of time (not dating) just as a friend. The reason she is with me, she said is because she finds me kind and helpful.
Here's the bad part about her. One day we were on the bus, after looking a place for her, and she leaned her head on my shoulder for quite some times.
Next day, she called me and said that she leaned on me because she was testing me (to see if I put my arms around her). Of course, I passed her test. What's also unusual about her is that she directly admitted that she was using me.
She said that because she has decided to be my friend and wanted to be more honest with me.
Mann...but after we've gone out a couple of times, she would call me up at night and sometimes asks me if I still feel like she's using me.
I really felt she was using me and I told her that. Though I don't mind I said to her, but because she needs help she's using me and I said that's okay.
However, I think this kind of friendship is going down the drain. I feel so dum.
Who would believe a 31 yr old guy going out with an 18 yr old, making friends?
Give me a break.

Anyway, I think I'm going to cut this friendship when she returns from visiting her parents in HK. She's in HK now and will be coming in end of Aug.
The reason I'm cutting this friendship is because you see...the day before she took the flight to HK, something stranged happened. We were supposed to meet together to help her buy something at Canadian Tire, but that day I phoned her and told her I would be about 1/2 to 1 hr late. Not even late, she already knows the time I would be there to meet her but I called her anyway just to let her know that I might be late.
I called her again when I was about to meet her to find out whether she wanted me to buy her something to eat. She wanted water only. I asks her if she can come down first from the library to meet me, you know what, she hung up on me.
I called her back after, she never pickup the phone until I made like 10 calls on and off. When she answered she said she was heading home. She lied.
She walked in my direction towards Canadian Tire and didn't even stop to say hi or anything. Anyhow, I knew where she was heading, and I was about to go home when all of a sudden the water bottle reminded me of her so I followed her.
After I see her again, I asked her why she's behaving like that, she said she was in a bad mood. Right!??? It's crazy.

I think I'm treating her too nice, and trying to be as friendly as possible, now it seems like she doesn't want my friendship. I meant I just met her for about 1-2 wks and when we go out, I'd spend my money on her such as food, drinks, movies and dining. Though I don't mind at first, but I'm not sure whether to continue treating her even as a friend?
She asks me a couple of time late at night over the phone, we spoke in a soft voice to one another, if I love her and I told her yes. She also said sometimes she loves me. what does this suppose to mean? Should I believe her?

Should I still keep this casual friendship and help her with things...such as homework (although I do feel like she's using me but I love her)?

Any comments, suggestions or advices are appreciated!

Binh

[Junket]

All I had to do is read the last part to answer your question.

"Sometimes" she loves you?

Screw it dude, if she ain't sure, then she don't.

Cut it off.

[blacksun]

Shes using you, she dosent love you cut it off. Relationships with huge age gaps never work out well unless your in it for the sex.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Thx for replying!

Frasbee, this is quote from her, "sometimes I love you but I can't." I didn't ask her why though, I just told her "I understand". I think this statement coincides with Blacksun's comment and I think she wants to love me but because of the age difference she can't. I do want children but not until I'm ready and married. I think even casual sex need consent, and I have to maintain my morals and values and I'm very serious about them. I said I understand because I'm too old for her.

Do you see any love b/w us 2? Before you answer here's a rundown about me:

Blacksun, your right about the age gap, although I'm 31 but I look like 5-10 years younger.
Everybody tells me that and she knows as well.
Anyway I do believe she likes something of me.
She said I have beautiful eyes. She's been honest about my appearance and her opinions about me. She does seem helpful, give me advices and how to find girls and that sort of thing, how to look attractive and so forth.

She left her bicycle with me to look after it until she returns, it's missing the rubber for the handles, kickstand, lights, bells and helmet. Should I buy these items and install them for her, she said she will pay me back. Or should I leave them undone and when she comes we can do it together? (she might not need the bike because winter is approaching).

However, she's in HK now and it's been 2 wks and I haven't received 1 email from her. Maybe because she's busy, that's what my head is telling me.

She might not exactly trying to avoid me just to use me after analyzing what I've said or done.
Is because I might have scared her or freaked her out. Well...you see, that night when we talked about love and she asked me if I love her and I said yes...but I forgot to tell you guys that (and this might be crucial why she's trying to avoid me), I also said "I love you and I like to go beyond friendship. "

You see, when I'm in love I said it from the bottom of my heart. I thought it was the right moment to said it straight up front to her so that I hope she understands and expecting that she responds something similar. However, she didn't, she was quiet and we talk of other things before we said good night.

So...should I still keep the friendship? Should I email her just to say hi? Or should I give her some breaks until she comes back and hope she will miss me?
My feeling right now is I should leave her alone until she returns, emails or calls me, then I can feel that she might still want my friendship and we can chat more.
What do you think?

Binh

[pikachusgirl]

you can keep the friendship, but don't expect anything more... If she says stuff like "I can't love you yet" or "in time I can love you" you're just going to end up waiting your life away for her to come around. Just give it sometime, wait for her to go out of her way to contact you. If you don't hear anything from her in awhile then there's your answer!

[Gigabitch]

No, don't fix her bike. Are you trying to date her or adopt her? Unless Binh means "doormat" in Chinese, I think you are going overboard.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Thanx pikachusgirl!

Okay I will follow your advice.

I'm sure if she calls or emails me, she'll say things like "Oh...how come you don't email me" or "if I don't email or call you, I would not hear from you right?"
...etc

How should I answer this question?

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Thanx Gigabitch,

No, Binh does not mean doormat, it's translated to Vietnamese from Chinese/Cambodian name. I believe Binh means peace.
Anyway...and yes I know I've gone overboard but you see I'm not really sure how to treat a lady friend. Should I ask a lady friend everytime I want to treat her something? Is it impolite to do it without her beckon?

If I want to date her, then I can fix her bike Gigabitch (I don't like the sound of calling you by this alias) ?

...to answer your question, yes I'd like to date her but I'd like to start off as friends first.

However, I don't see happening as of when she left for HK.
Man...I'm so in love with her. I just want to be close to her. The funny thing is, I can control my feelings and emotions
without making myself feeling so sad...well, maybe I'm a bit sad right

[blacksun]

ask your best friend for advice and take that advice. You will show him that you trust him and youll get advice from a person who knows you best

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Blacksun,

I wouldn't say I have no friends because everybody has friends, I have some friends but no best friends. I don't think I ever have best friends, only close friends.

Yes, I've talked to some of my close friends...but it'd be the same if I make my own decision because they don't like to give advices (not that they're not good
friends...they're as passive as me, just don't give advices that's all).

Anyway, I'd like to make my decisions intuitively based on opinions/advices from everybody.

By now, I have a feeling about what to do. That is, I'm going to wait for her to contact me because I've done my part of showing I care for her...it's her turn.
In this case this kind of love is reciprocal. Why? because I feel she might not want my friendship and don't want me to bother her...so I try not to bother her.
I'm a very grateful person you know.

[Gigabitch]

Thanx Gigabitch,

No, Binh does not mean doormat, it's translated to Vietnamese from Chinese/Cambodian name. I believe Binh means peace.
Anyway...and yes I know I've gone overboard but you see I'm not really sure how to treat a lady friend. Should I ask a lady friend everytime I want to treat her something? Is it impolite to do it without her beckon?

If I want to date her, then I can fix her bike Gigabitch (I don't like the sound of calling you by this alias) ?

...to answer your question, yes I'd like to date her but I'd like to start off as friends first.

However, I don't see happening as of when she left for HK.
Man...I'm so in love with her. I just want to be close to her. The funny thing is, I can control my feelings and emotions
without making myself feeling so sad...well, maybe I'm a bit sad right

Yes, as long as she's clear that you're interested. You should not be all waffly about it. Women like to hear the definitive statement, "I want you".

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

No, I think she's not clear I'm interested. I haven't been clear about telling her that I like her is because I still hasn't seen signs from her that she's interested in me. Anyway I'm going to wait out for this one, but I hope she will show some sign soon.

Thx Giga.

[Gigabitch]

Man up and make a move.

[anhmaimaiyeuvn]

Giga, I don't want to make a move because she only 18.
I feel guilty if I do. She has a whole life ahead of her, she hasn't finished high school yet, and still holds a dream to go univesity for design or architecture or something like that.
Nah...it's really impossible for me to make a move. I love her but I just can't do it.

I stick to my instinct all the time, and this is what it's telling me.
One night, I did say I love her and I like to go beyond friendship (no I wasn't drunk at the time though I was tired when saying that cause I truly love her), but I think it has freaked her out. Now she's somewhere in HK and she hasn't email me once, it's been more than 2 wks already. Although she likes me as a friend, after that incidence of telling how I feel about her, I don't think she loves me now.

Anyway I'll try to keep my distance, cause I don't want to scare her.

I'm 31 and she's only 18, to big a gap there.

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, it's a big gap. I do have to say, though, that it sounds like you truly care for her and are not just looking to taste her tender goodies because you're some old perv.

I have more than one friend happily involved with a much older man. It's not a death sentence for your relationship.