Yet another failed relationship

[AngelicAsylum]

Well since my movie plans were cancelled due to laziness (not mine!) I suppose I should tell everyone my story.

Rest assured, I'm not ready to kill myself, since I tend to take these things rationally after about a week of mourning.

Throughout my senior year of high school, I promised myself that I would NOT date anyone. This is mainly because I am going to college six hours away in August, and I did not want to deal with any nasty breakups or sadness right before I leave for a new life.

This did not stop my feelings for my now ex boyfriend, however. We'll just called him Louis. I started having strong feelings for him in September. We had known eachother for two years, and he was a junior while I was a senior. Considering how his birthday is EXTREMELY late in the year (seriously, he just made the 1989 bus), he was fifteen at the time.

So I had no idea how to get this guy. He wasn't like any other person I've ever met. His feelings were hidden from the world and not only was he shy but really really nervous.

Anyways, lets move along shall we? Right after his sixteenth birthday, he broke up with his girlfriend of three months. I was there for him but I was secretly happy cause I liked him so much. We began to talk more and more, and eventually he asked me out by the end of January.

Our relationship was amazing. We got along wonderfully, and every day was great. There were problems, but I figured it was no big deal.

I was NOT expecting him to break up with me a week ago. As a matter of fact, I was a sobbing freakish mess. I loved him so much and he just totally betrayed me.

It's been a week and I've had time to mourn and am currently in the process of moving on and getting better.

There were problems in our relationship, things that I see now. First of all, there's the fact that he's still in high school while I'm going to college six hours away. I'm going to be focusing all my time on my studies and making new friends and I won't have time for someone in new york city. Cruel, perhaps, but true. Then there were his parents. Oh sweet Jesus on a stick. They treated him like he was twelve, with a 10 o'clock curfew. If he took me out on a date (which was RARE mind you), his parents would stay down the block from us to make sure we didn't do anything wrong. I had to keep my feet on the floor at all times, no laying down or putting my feet up on the bed, lest I accidently have sex with him. I could NOT take this. I felt trapped by my love for him, because I didn't want to leave him but I didn't want to deal with these people anymore.

He also had no social skills. His sense of humor went overboard and he didn't know when to stop. It was embarassing but I told myself that I could overlook these things because I really did care for him.

Now, it takes two people to cause a train wreck, so I was not a perfect angel either. I have a tendency to be too sarcastic, maybe even mean sometimes, although I don't mean it. He's very VERY fragile, and my crude humor made him angry. I may have been a bit bossy too. At least now I know what not to do in a relationship.

He told me his feelings simply changed. He just fell out of love for me, but he loves me more than a friend, just less than a girlfriend. I sighed and said that I understood. Now he wants to be friends with me.

Friends? Sure, fine. I can do friends. But not right now. He's gonna have to learn that I need TIME to be friends with him again. He pretty much broke my heart, and even though I'm getting better it's not all healed yet. If he just gives me some time, everything will be alright.

I hope I wasn't too boring for you!

[Ellynn]

Yeah, its probably best things ended now. Because you know within the next month or so, it was bound to happen anyways.

Tell him you need time, but keep his number/email for when you are ready to be his friend.
But, remember, your gonna make a whole new group of friends and meet some many new people and things will definately change once you start college. So chin up! Your starting a whole new chapter of your life and things will get better!

[King Zarathu]

Because I'm an extremely spiritual person and I think that integrity is one of the most important things EVER, this is my conclusion:


You promised that you wouldn't have a boyfriend in your senior year!

Because of my spirituality, I think that the Universe has its own ways of being a complete asshole to people with a lack of integrity. So, that's what I have to say the following happened:

He pretty much broke my heart

You know else I found distasteful?

I loved him so much and he just totally betrayed me.

What the **** is that shit?

be·tray ( P ) Pronunciation Key (b-tr)
tr.v. be·trayed, be·tray·ing, be·trays

1. a.To give aid or information to an enemy of; commit treason against: betray one's country.
b.To deliver into the hands of an enemy in violation of a trust or allegiance: betrayed Christ to the Romans.
2. To be false or disloyal to: betrayed their cause; betray one's better nature.
3. To divulge in a breach of confidence: betray a secret.
4. To make known unintentionally: Her hollow laugh betrayed her contempt for the idea.
5. To reveal against one's desire or will.

He didn't betray you. He was being responsible, true to his emotions, and he did what he had to do. For this reason, I can't do anything other than respect this person.

You broke a promise--but what was worse was that you broke a promise to yourself. Now you're facing the consequences.



The consequences aren't terrible, mind you. When you get into college, you're going to be playing DJ with yourself to the thought of all of the new friends you're going to get.

Also, regarding his parents...Yeah, I completely understand. It's total bullshit; them being down the block during your date. Terrible. My ex's (Jordyn) parents had to be in the restaurant/theatre with us. Only one exception--Valentine's day. I hate that bitch. But then again, that could just be me being bitter... No...that's crazy talk...

[AngelicAsylum]

I respect him too, and I in no ways hate him. I felt like he betrayed me at the time, which I should have made more clear obviously. I was just typing what I thought at the moment, so I suppose that's my fault.

The one thing I was angry over was that his feelings changed, as he said, two months before this, meaning he was keeping that a secret from me all that time. I know why he didn't tell me, but it was still fairly upsetting to find out that he had been lying about his love for me for seven or eight weeks straight. I wish he would have ended it right then rather than now because the longer a relationship lasts, the more I grow attached to the person.

I respect your beliefs on spirituality but I myself don't think that because I broke a promise to myself that it ended. I believe that it ended because we're both going in different directions and we just weren't right for eachother in the first place. I care for him, he still cares for me, and I hope to gain a great friend out of this experience, since we just don't make it as lovers.

Thanks for your input!

[vashti]

No way would I be happy about my 15 year old dating a girl who was going off to college, so I would avoid trying to villianize this boy's parents. Should a girl like you accidentally get pregnant, it would ruin whatever plans they had for him for his future.

It is good the two of you split. You should be focusing on boys who have more in common with the stage of life you are entering.

As for him - well, he is only 15. He is just a kid, and you expected way too much out of him.

[blacksun]

Actually you have every right to vilanize his parents. They are probably the reason he is so f-ed up in the first place. But that kid had no spine, if I wanted to be with a girl my parents didnt approve id ask a friend to cover for me and that would be that. But besides that I dont think it would have worked out well any way so its best that It ended the way it did.

[King Zarathu]

I respect your beliefs on spirituality but I myself don't think that because I broke a promise to myself that it ended.

Hahaha you took that the wrong way. I don't think it ended because of the promise but you did break a promise so "tough shit" basically.

he is only 15. He is just a kid, and you expected way too much out of him.

*gasp!*

No way would I be happy about my 15 year old dating a girl who was going off to college

What about your 15 year old dating a 20 year old?

so I would avoid trying to villianize this boy's parents.

You don't have to be happy about it but you don't have to be up their ass--that's just going to create problems between you and your kid. He would avoid you like the plague.

[vashti]

Ahh, but my 15 year old is NOT dating an 18 year old or a 20 year old. Funny though - a school junior keeps asking him out and sending him little gifts because she wants to date him. He told her she is too old and would not like to deal the the imbalance of power. He is a smart kid.

Anyway, expecting a 15 year old kid to have a "serious" relationship and behave like an adult is pretty silly. Lots of kids this age have just hit puberty. Besides, lots of grown men haven't mastered it. Why should a 15 year old be able to?

[King Zarathu]

Funny though - a school junior keeps asking him out and sending him little gifts because she wants to date him. He told her she is too old and would not like to deal the the imbalance of power. He is a smart kid.

What?! That's it?!

"You're too old and I don't want to deal the the [that's what you said, dear] imbalance of power"

-.-


What grade is he in?

[vashti]

Just finished 9th. And yes, power imbalance. She drives and he doesn't. How can a boy feel like a man when the girl has to do all the driving, just like a mommy??

[King Zarathu]

Just finished 9th. And yes, power imbalance. She drives and he doesn't. How can a boy feel like a man when the girl has to do all the driving, just like a mommy??

Hahaha I wasn't questioning how there would be an imbalance of power... I was just thinking--YOUR son?! I was thinking he'd be calling her a pedophile or busting her balls in some other manner...


Misconceptions

[vashti]

My son is a great kid, a lot smarter than I was at his age. I dread the approach of college.

[King Zarathu]

That's really cool... Do you tell him he's smarter than you were at his age?

[vashti]

Of course. At least once a day.

EDIT: But only because he doesn't believe me. I wouldn't want him to become egotistical.

[King Zarathu]

Vashti, I have a question... I've always wondered this because..

[WARNING!!! This is probably the most sensitive side of me you will ever see again.]

Well, when I become a dad I don't want to be a shitty one. I can only wish that my son/daughter will become smarter, more mature, and all around healthier than me. I hope my kid contributes more to this place than I will.



I don't know why that happened, but ANYWAY the question:

1) How do you handle your child when it comes to rules about swearing?

2) How do you handle a baby that is crying? I hear a lot of "Spank him! He'll know you mean business." But isn't that.. I don't know... I don't want to sound like those asshole parents trying to protect their kids. But, doesn't a baby cry because it needs something? An infant can't communicate with you with English or another civilized language, so it cries. I think training a baby to not cry (if possible) would do nothing but cause psychological damage.


?????