Hurtslikehell

[vashti]

You know, Tiay, I know you imagine I should for some reason feel obligated to explain myself, my motivation, and my personal life to you, but really, I don't. Maybe this is because I have never once asked for advice while posting on this forum. Should the day come when I feel I need to seek out the advice of strangers, I will provide answers on an "as-needed" basis. In the meantime, people are free to either accept or reject my advice, which will continue to be given in a style that is uniquely mine. Sorry if that offends you, but since I don't run around nit-picking your posts and offering up unwanted advice to people not asking for it, I would appreciate your doing the same.

I am done with this thread.

[ashley1]

makes us think why the hell we get involved in the first place. just as many women have had the same experience as men. i for one have felt used like this after a very long relationship. the hurt is something that cant be put into words. what this leaves behind is bitterness but once that is passed you think how silly you are for ever feeling that way and how better off you are without them.

[Tiay]

Vashti- man, I so do not want to have a disagreement with one of the people I respect most on LF. I only made one short remark, most other's would've taken it in good humour and would've responded to my point rather than taking it as an attack on their entire way of giving advice, and calling me bad-form and a nit-picker while yet leaving my original point untouched.
My post was just an me expressing a speculation (and note, I called it a speculation myself, and also said that I could of course be wrong) of what happened.

In my responses I have sincerely and repeatedly complimented you, calling you the queen of LF, an expert I respect, etc. I was polite and honest while also true to myself. I don't expect you to thank me for the compliments though it would have been nice. good form, right?


two quotes in chronological order:

When giving good advice for free, you are certainly not obligated to do it one or another way, but simply the way that is natural for you.

people are free to either accept or reject my advice, which will continue to be given in a style that is uniquely mine.Sorry if that offends you,

we're saying the same thing! Why are you throwing it at me as if I had said you must change your entire way of posting? No, I did not say that, I said the opposite, and of course it does not offend me, and I never knowingly implied that it did. the "sorry if that offends you" comment is, frankly, slyly sarcastic and disrespectful.

but since I don't run around nit-picking your posts...

it was one post. not plural. <-- that's nit-picking. what I posted wasn't nit-picking. definition of nit-picking: "purposefully looking for small and unimportant errors that are of no consequence, esp. in order to criticize unnecessarily." Nit-picking a post would be correcting spelling and grammar, changing the wording of things, unimportant things that make no difference. That is not what I did, and I certainly don't, to my knowledge, "run around" doing it. I consider this a totally undeserved and disrespectful accusation to my character.

What I did was post an honest observation, that I thought about thoroughly and posted because I thought it was a valuable contribution. By that alone it evades the definition of nit-picking, because that states purposefully looking for unimportant stuff to criticise. You may think my point was unimportant and present arguments as to why it is so, but even if I concede to your arguments, it is still not nit-picking.

I am done with this thread.

fair enough, I don't expect you to read this. I just needed to reply to defend myself, I suppose Zar or some others might read it. I'd like to know what you guys think of all this. though it's a long thread to read

[misombra]

oh geez, stop already!!!

the only thing that would've kept this person from leaving is if we all felt sorry for him.

[King Zarathu]

No, I gotta agree with Tiay here. Vashti--you did, in fact, evade my question as was stated and I explained it in another form so that you could understand it. I think it's ridiculous of you to simply decide to not answer it just because you don't have to. Sure, do whatever you want, but just remember who gives you your lovin.

[misombra]

well i'd like to complain that you guys caused vashti to leave this thread with your insensitivity.

[King Zarathu]

?!

We're being insensitive?! No, I'm being quite sensitive to Tiay's feelings....

Come here, sexy.

[Tiay]

first: thank you for reading and responding.

second: Please tell me exactly where I was insensitive. If I was, it isn't intentional. I grew up with very little social contact outside of my direct family, and it causes me to accidentally come off as insensitive sometimes- I know that isn't an excuse, which is why I always ask people to tell me where exactly I was rude/insensitive so that I can learn.

third: even if I have been unknowingly insensitive, I doubt that I could out-do Vashti's open dismissal of Zar, and open personal accusation at me which I found downright hurtful.

fourth:

the only thing that would've kept this person from leaving is if we all felt sorry for him.

yay, the first actual response to my original post. Thank you! that is all I ever expected when I wrote it; that somebody might read it and think about it whether they agree or not. Maybe you're right. But if any poster deserved only non-critical, pure vent-sympathy posts, it was that guy. Of course, as Vashti said about accepting responsibility, yes he obviously contributed to his bad situation because he didn't leave. I still think we should've been softer on him, and he'd probably have stuck around and might've later been more receptive.

[King Zarathu]

I didn't see you were being insensitive at all, and I appreciate your willingness to correct a problem that you openly admit it is there.

Can't we all just settle this over tea and crumpets?

[Tiay]

Can't we all just settle this over tea and crumpets?

yes! I see no reason why this should be all angry-toned. I'd like to think i've made friends here, though it's hard to tell online of course.

[King Zarathu]

I like tea and crumpets....

[charmedone2000]

Hey determinedguy how old are you?

[charmedone2000]

guys leave those stuff ... we are dealing with determinedguy's problem here not your argument please ...

[Gigabitch]

He buggered off , like, a week ago. He didn't like what anyone had to say.