Help a young guy out (note this isn't about sex, perse)

[defile]

Ok this is kind of embarassing which is why im looking for advice on a forum instead of from a person. Im 18 and have been dating a girl for 9 months now. I love her very much and truly want to spend the rest of myl ife with her (please no responses about how people my age can't love, thats not what this is about).

However, like every 18 year old male, i have raging hormones. I would say my hormones always tended to be stronger than others (i grow facial hair very quickly, and have tended to be horny a lot).

Well my girlfriend and I didn't really start getting physical untill a few months ago, but we really haven't done anything that far. We both believe in saving sex for marriage, and also the groin area is off limits for both of us at this time because we dont feel we're ready for that yet. So all i've really done is hold her and rub my hands on her chest and butt and stuff. I've only actually had my hand under her bra twice, but it wasn't then that my problem occured.

3 times while we've been holding each other and what not...eh....oh w/e, well i've ejaculated. Yeah, i told you it was embarassing. I mean she has never touched my groin area yet i have still ejaculated 3 times while with her and its really frustrating. I haven't discusses this with her obviously because who knows what she'd think if i told her and its very embarassing, but i really need help. I've tried cold showers, but that doesn't work.

My main problems with this occuring is that not only does it obviously make things suddenly akward for me, and she has no idea why that happens (im not sure if she's notcied though as i try my best to pretend nothing happened). And further more, i know our physical relationship will go farther than this, but how can we possibly go farther if im ejaculating at doing pretty much nothing. I mean if it happens this quickly, i dont see how she'd ever been able to get near my penis without something happening.


Please, i know some of you think this is pathetic, but i really need advice. Is this common? And if so, what the hell can i do?

[Gigabitch]

Congrats, you're totally normal.

Well, not totally. You're a guy who's saving it for marriage. Physically normal.

Look, you're just torturing yourself. Either do the deed or stay off of each other.

[BFTrick]

Your normal buddy. i have come close to doing that. Once you move on farther (sexually) it wont happen anymore.

havent you seen american pie?

[thinker]

Well, ok it is perfectly normal to get horny a lot, but ejaculation without any type of contact? Not sure I understand... you came just from like kissing and stuff? Maybe your pants/undies are a bit too tight... they may be reciprocating a bit as you expand down there and pushing you over the edge... lol really not sure though.

Oh, and I know the first thing you said was that you didn't want comments about your relationship, but I am going to give you one anyways. You honestly and truly are too young to say that with its full meaning. Believe me, I have thought that before, probably when I was 18ish and I meant it with everything I had, I was so sure about saying it... guess what? You will live and learn. Please, don't put that kind of stress and demand on your relationship. Suffice it to say that you are very much in love, you really do not have the crucial life experience to know that much about yourself and your mate to make that kind of decision. Having said that, kudos and more kudos to you guys for abstaining til marriage... it really does make a huge deal! I am also impressed and a bit confused with your choice of physical absitence though... you can't touch eachother's genetalia??? What exactly do you do, just kiss and breast play? I would consider (with your gf) what the real limits are... I am also waiting until marriage, but I draw the line a bit furthut out than that... not that you need to do that, but just think about what is right and wrong for you guys. As for the cumming issue... hmm... just tell her about it! Wow, though, I for one would not be able to hide it! It seems as if its likea big taboo, and you know its coming but fight it, which makes it worse... kinda like quicksand... 3 times though? Just tell her! If she is completely appalled... then maybe you need to rethink the physical aspect of your relationship... Saving for marriage is just that; saving, not completely starving yourself of any contact. Um, if it's really a problem though, try masturbating a lot beforehand... so you won't be so ultra sensitive enough to bust from making out! She must be one hell of a kisser!

[defile]

ok well first of all i really dont want any advice about how i am too young to think about such things as true love and such becaue in my opinion its all about maturity, not age. And i will say i am more mature than most people my age.


and its also good to kow that its not too abnormal whats happening. I am kind of confused though on how going futher sexually will make this go away...i mean wouldn't it just happen quicker if we go further. And speaking of which, i guess ill go on ahead and say that the limits are hers, not mine. I would draw the line further, but she doesn't think shes ready for that yet.

And also she is extremely sexy and beautiful so i can understand why this would be happening, but that doesn't help me solve my problem.

I guess i could try masturbating beforehand, but i always feel guilty when i masturbate (not quite sure why, but i always do. i think its because its a very selfish act as it gives noone pleasure but yourself). But then again, if i dont, whenever it happens it makes it very akward for me and im not sure how much i can take that. And i dont want to just stop physical contact because...well im human so why the hell would i want to do that?

So yeah, my questions now are whether or not i should try and do something like masturbate to prevent it, should i talk to her about it, and also im still confused on what BFTrick meant by saying that as i go farther sexually this will stop happening.

[HeyYouGuy]

Just dont make a habbit of it..... it could become extreemly awkward.... just think realy unapealing thoughts maybe? I unno...

[defile]

Just dont make a habbit of it..... it could become extreemly awkward.... just think realy unapealing thoughts maybe? I unno...

i dont think it would really be fair to her if i thought about appaling things when i was making out with her.

[thinker]

Well, I would really talk to her about it. If is IS after all too far for her, she should know. If you can say you want to be with her forever, you should be mature enough to tell her what is going on... which reinforces my point that you ARE TOO YOUNG... sorry to yell that out, but I don't care how frickin mature you think you are; you are 18, not 32, and have not experienced diddly squat in comparison to most people and certianly in regards to the rest of your life. Random fact, most homosexuals that come out don't do so until after 21... there is so much more of your life to live, and if you lie to your girl by not telling her she is making you come 3 times, then you certainly are not ready for a commited relationship. Quibbles aside, definitely talk to her and find out what the TWO of you should do.

[defile]

Well, I would really talk to her about it. If is IS after all too far for her, she should know. If you can say you want to be with her forever, you should be mature enough to tell her what is going on... which reinforces my point that you ARE TOO YOUNG... sorry to yell that out, but I don't care how frickin mature you think you are; you are 18, not 32, and have not experienced diddly squat in comparison to most people and certianly in regards to the rest of your life. Random fact, most homosexuals that come out don't do so until after 21... there is so much more of your life to live, and if you lie to your girl by not telling her she is making you come 3 times, then you certainly are not ready for a commited relationship. Quibbles aside, definitely talk to her and find out what the TWO of you should do.

yes im really going to take advice from a guy who has the quote "love hurts" under his name. Just face it, you haven't found the right person yet so you're cynical and feel like taking it out on me. Just so you know, i know plenty of people who fell in love at my age and ended up getting married to that person. So please, just because it didn't work out for you doesn't give you the right to yell at me saying you just know im not mature enough.

damn you...you completely hijacked my thread and took away what my point was. Thanks a bunch dude.

[thinker]

yes im really going to take advice from a guy who has the quote "love hurts" under his name. Just face it, you haven't found the right person yet so you're cynical and feel like taking it out on me. Just so you know, i know plenty of people who fell in love at my age and ended up getting married to that person. So please, just because it didn't work out for you doesn't give you the right to yell at me saying you just know im not mature enough.

damn you...you completely hijacked my thread and took away what my point was. Thanks a bunch dude.

...

I don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but I will to make my point since it isn't sinking in The fact that you are arguing with someone you just denounced as an idiot (i.e. me) shows exactly what I'm talking about. Sure, you could point the finger at me and argue who started the little rants, but who cares the point is that YOU are very clearly not stepping up and being the bigger man here... I am only pointing this all out to help you. I have no interests in ruining your life or your relationship with your girlfriend... just helping you by hurting you if you catch my drift. I do not want a fight or any verbal arguements, I am just asking you to please see how easily you lashed back at someone giving their opinion on your situation and consider how really mature you are at this point in life and how much more you will learn and grow in later years. If you haven't decided whether masturbation is ok with you or not or cannot talk openly to your gf about physical stuff, then look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if you are really in the position and frame of mind yet to make a huge statement like you want to marry someone you have only known for a short time... like I have said repeatedly, I do not say this to piss you or anyone off or to get on the better hand of this arguement you are having, just an honest consideration to make that will help in your growth as a person. That is all. And about the early coming, talk to your gf... I think she deserves the decency of an honest bf who can tell her what is going on. Good luck to you.

[Rostfrei]

...I would suggest masturbating beforehand.

[dreamer101]

just think of george bush .. naked

p.s. i've never had to try it, thank god.

[Junket]

I know I've come close to bustin' a nut simply from makin' out.

But then again, it was really good, really physical, practically dry humping making out.

But seems normal enough to me.

Remember that the majority of sex happens in the brain.

How else would you explain wet dreams?

[neobodhi]

I'm glad the you now know what you are experiening is totally normal. It is nothing to be ashamed of and happens to a lot of people when they are first experimenting with sex (no offense intended by my choice of words).

Communication is almost never a bad thing, so try communicating with you girlfriend. She might already have an idea whats happening, or be flatered she can turn you on that much.

If you keep putting yourself in those situations, you may find yourself getting carried away by the moment and actualy going all the way. So probably not a bad idea to have a condom handy.

As far as you being too young to know you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. From my experience, I felt exaclty that same way at your age and no one could tell me diferent, so I won't bother

Congrats on trying to save sex for marriage!

[vashti]

I also think you are completely normal, and also think you should masturbate before going out with this girl. You say you feel guilty about doing it; my guess is that this is sopmehow tied to some religious conviction. (Catholic?) If that is the case, then I think you ought to try considering masturbation as the lesser of two "evils". You also mentioned that it is selfish because you aren't "sharing the pleasure", but trust me on this: the first few times you actually have sex won't be pleasurable for her anyway, because sex is something that requires experience before men become any good at it.