Hi, all. This is my first post here, but I will introduce myself later in "Introduce Yourself". I don't know what is the average age of people posting here, but I am sure the wild story I am going to retell will not make some people angry to me, blaming about anything. As it is I am feeling depressed. Here is the story:
I met that girl three months ago and immediately I liked her. Cannot say I fell in love, cause I need time to fall in love. Anyway, the same day I understood she has a boyfriend and I felt really bad. Nevertheless, somehow I accepted it and I always considered her as my friend, although in the future I was sure something is going to happen between me and her. Lets call her Lora. Everytime when I used to see Lora kissing her boyfriend I was a little bit jealous, but I enjoyed their love and didn't wanted anything bad to her or to him. Their love seemed perfect. Everything was cool until a friend of mine who is living in another city came to spend his holliday in my hometown. Lets call him David. Although I consider David as being my friend we are totally different characters - he is always smiling, laughing, he is attrackted by girls, but somehow there is nothing special in him - the onlyway for him to impress girls is telling them how much money he has, how good football player he is and with how many women he has slept. On contrary I am modest, not so talkative, but especially for Lora I though she likes exactly that in me - my modesty and that I am serious. David began to flirt with Lora - he used to come every night at the place where me and Lora work and tryed to impress her. He was so funny and Lora didn't seem to give him an attention. If someone at that time asked me: "Do you believe it is possible something to happen between David and Lora?" I would have told him/her: "Definetely NO". Then David who is very open minded came and told me: "Will you confess I am the greatest lover in the world if I succeed to have sex with Lora?" This question didn't suprise me, but I prefered to make him angry and I said: "You can not have sex with her".
He left his telephone number and told her he would be very pleased if she call him to go out. I was sitting aside and I was just having fun about the elementary way he hopes to attract Lora. The point is that Lora had a mask on her face - her boyfriend told me about her past and that he knows at least two cases when she hasn't been loyal to him and had sex with another guys. "I love her too much to leave her" - continued he.
Do you know what happened next, folks? David had sex with Lora! This is the thing which can not give me a peace for several hours! I cannot accept this, I can not reconcile I have lost the battle. Why one of my best friends took my girl? Why girls are attracted by the husky like him? Why my patiente and tender behaviour wasn't awarded by at least one kiss? Why David's rude attitude (yes, you won't believe how he is talking to her, sometimes he even insult her) makes them closer? And she likes it, she likes to be deceived, to be told 300 times a day she is looking great. But not only David, but many other man tell her she is looking great every day! I thought she is tired of hearing this! I am devastated! I am an idiot! I am a real idiot, who was afraid to be stronger! I cannot believe that! I am so jealous for David, so angry to Lora (although she never promised me anything) and so angry TO ME !!!
I didn't believe myself something between me and Lora could happen in the future and my inactivity was punished. In my opinion my biggest problem is the low self-confidence that I have. David began from nothing (he knows her just for a few weeks) and reached the peak! Probably my bad self-confidence is because I am a little bit shy and afraid of unsuccess. And the other problem is called jealousity! Yeah, I am not afraid to say that word. If Lora had sex with another guy it would have been indifferent for me. But now, well...now David is the winner,
he will always remind me his achievement and how great lover is he, making me feeling like an insect. I don't want to overcome the pain. I just will lock the door of my room and begin to hate myself.
Thanks for the listening!

/Just-Blue - the crying jealous insect who hates himself more than anything in the world!