A relationship of Love or one of Sex?

[Grassy Tussock]

Hello

I've beeing seeing a girl for 3 and a half months. She's 28 and I'm 23, but we've talked about that and so far its not been a problem, beccause we're both ambititious and want to do well in things we do. The first two months were fantastic, we were so into eachother and it was all magical. Then problems with her work came along and she started to withdrawl... not completely, but I can feel some level of tension, and she openly talks about moving to a job in madrid, which is about 2 hours flight away. She has been for the most part open about the whole situation, but I don't know how much that is from a desire to include me or to send me messages.

She went away for a week and it took another week for her to be free from work (there is a lot of pressure at work) to see me. During this time I was worrying myself stupid that everything was going wrong (for the most part my own neurosis). She wasn't overly loving (like the good days) when I saw her but we spent the night together ans she'll still hold my hand. She kissed me on the back when I was ironing, but hasn't said I love you for a while.

I know the pressure is on her with work, and to be honest the Madrid thing is possibly best for her. Although we've only been together a little while, I think we're close (she told me she loved me before the whole thing kicked off) and if I knew things would work out I am supportive of whatever decision she makes.

The thing is, what is wrong? Am I being oversensitive? Is the relationship on the rocks or just a (3 week long so far) tough period? Is she witholding things? Should I stick with it? Am I just being neurotic or should I address the issues? But is that just going to add to the pressure?

To complicate the matter, another girl, who I don't dislike, has made it plain she wants me. However I'd only want her for a bit of fun, and at the moment its becoming more and more tempting. Every time I think again about my gf. Perhaps I should leave all the hassle (which isn't mine) and just have fun...?

[vashti]

I doubt that anyone but her can tell you what is going on. You need to communicate. My guess is that her work issues are a higher priority for her right now. Also, the difference in your ages suggests to me that this was probably not a permanent situation in her mind. However, that is merely speculation. Having a B/F 5 years younger may not be a problem for her at all. Again, you need to talk with her.

[Gigabitch]

After 3 and a half months, things like saying "I love you" might not happen on a daily basis. That doesn't mean she no longer loves you. if you need constant attention to remain faithful, I'm going to have to say you're too young for her after all.

[Grassy Tussock]

We did approach the relationship differently to start with: When I say I'm a little more emotional than her, she's admited that she sometimes doesn't take into account people's feelings when she says or does things. I've always thought that together we could find common ground.

I just don't know what my next step is. Should I initiate the communication, or leave her to approach me? I'm not saying I need constant attention, we've both got seperate lives, I just need to know what she wants me to do in order to best allow her to solve the problems.

[Gigabitch]

Well, your separate lives are getting more separate every day. I think having a nice talk wouldn't be a bad idea.

[Grassy Tussock]

I'm never good at this bit... how should I broach it to her? We're supposed to be seeing eachother on Thursday I think.

[Grassy Tussock]

Oh also, there's not way I'd cheat on her, its just been annoying because it puts into starker light my current relationship.

[Gigabitch]

Ask her about Madrid. Ask her to tell you where she sees this relationship going. These are things you should know about- it's not like it's none of your business.

Do not, under any circumstances, bring up this other girl.

Do you feel like her boy toy at all?

[Grassy Tussock]

It started off really funnily, I'd be the semi cute, likeable one and her friends and her sister like me. It shows in a couple of areas, in particular the fact she owns her own place. She's way smarter than me, that would always have been the case. If I was her toy boy I could imagine her making more "use" of me than she already does.

Thanks for the advice by the way

These are a good thing, these talks about where we're going? Basically my relationship skills leave something to be desired...!