What do I do? How do I do it??

[Neveryoumind]

I need to break up with someone but I can not do it. I feel extremely sorry for them and I just feel I can't abandon them.

The whole story:
Met this girl a bit over 5 years ago. Everything was great for the first couple of years and me being on a student visa in the country which was about to expire had to get married with her to apply for a permanent residency to be able to stay with her.
After a while things got quite difficult and I had to have apart time with her. To cut a long story short she ended up getting pregnant by some other guy.
Of course, now she was thinking that either me and her get back together or she goes interstate to live with the father of her baby.
The final stages of my PR (permanent residency) hadn't gone through so what I did is a pretended I wanted to be with her, she moved in with me again and she thought all was fine.
I was initially planning on just getting the PR then finding a way out of the relationship.
Now, I have been granted the PR, but I can not break up with her. I emotionally can not hurt her so much, but I am not happy with her, and I don't want to be with her.

Also, I am feeling extremely guilty and horrible because her daughter seems to really like me (she is 7 months old now) and I feel that not only would I be leaving my ex but her daughter too which is just an innocent little baby.


I am at this stage that I know I have to break up with her because I am just never going to be happy, but at the same time I feel so much remorse for tricking her and manipulating her that it feels I should just be with her for her sake.


I don't know what to do. I of course still love her and care for her immensly and I am very scared of hurting her. Not only that but she wouldn't have a good place to go to if we break up. It would have to be her mothers place and she is an alcoholic which is too hard to get along with.


What do I do???

[Cybog]

blah blah blah

Are you in this relationship for YOU, or for her?

Is this YOUR life or hers?

She ****s some other dude and you are STILL sticking around with her? What sort of weak-willed pansy are you?

Remorse? How about the remorse you should have felt when she let another man stick his dick in her, and you were to much of a pussy to do anything about it...oh, except take care of her bastard child for him. What a nice, pansy man you really are.

If you are actually considering this bastard child's feelings, (You shouldn't be, obviously. This is not your child) you should realize that the longer you stick around - the harder it will be on you and the kid.

She's a ****ing alcoholic on top of all of this? God, you really know how to pick them don't you.

Break up with her right NOW. Not next week, not when she can get back on her feet. RIGHT NOW. The longer you puss out and drag this bullshit out, the harder and harder it is going to get. Grow some balls, put your godamn foot down and re-take control over your pathetic life. She is dragging you through the mud, and you are being too much of a woman to realize it.

Who ****ing cares where she has to go when you kick her out. That's not your concern. Your concern is getting her drunken useless ass out of the house TODAY.

Let me guess - she doesn't work either....you take care of her bills too? Does she have a car, or do you drive her and her bastard child around?

What do you expect to happen? 20 years to go by and you and this cheating / lazy / drunken bitch to be together happily and forever? Think man, before it's too godamn late.

[Neveryoumind]

That is quite a harsh way of putting it
The alcoholic is her mom not the ex

And as easy as it is to say what to do, it's very hard to actually do.
Maybe the child is a bastard child but she is innocent to any of this so how can I just treat the kid like scum?

The main reason that I am having a hard time is that I used her to get what I want and now she has gotten attached to me again and that is why I feel bad to break up once I don't need her any more.

It is hard to summarize 5 years in a few paragraphs

[Lewski711]

You are in a difficult situation. But, you're trying to protect this woman, when you're doing nothing more than delaying the pain and making it worse in the future. You will not be able to hold out in the hopes of eventually falling back in love. That means you will remain unhappy.

No matter how much she loves you, she can read your unhappiness. That hurts her. If you stick around, when you finally tell her that it's over she'll be crushed knowing all that time you stuck around was a lie.

And what about her daughter? She's still young enough not to be hurt if you leave her life. A few more months, her memory is stronger as well as her bonding. You not only hurt yourself and your girlfriend, but you hurt the baby.

It's time to step up, be honest and tell her how you feel. She'll be hurt, but she will survive. If you care as much as you say, you'll end it sooner rather than later.

[Henry123]

Lets Just Be Friends might be the solution here.

[Neveryoumind]

Thanks guys for the great advice
I guess I will just be honest with her and tell her my feelings are not the same and it isn't working out.

Then she has the dilema of where to go... she has no where good to go and I don't know what to do about that

[King Zarathu]

Dude, I agree with Cybog 100%



Get her white trash, horny ass out of the house before she ****s you again, and you know she'll do it. If you can manipulate her, why can't she manipulate you? She's going to if you don't get her the **** out.

[Gigabitch]

Would you like a spoonful of sugar to make what Cybog said more palatable? The fact is, he's being harsh so you'll HEAR him. You need to hear this. The situation is going to deteriorate if you don't make a move now.

Pick a better woman next time. She's a low-functioning anchor around your neck.