hurt

[Gigabitch]

He'd make a shitty friend.

I think you should take him back and punish him thoroughly.

Then move on.

[shygal]

You're so right, I was thinking of just moving on without even pretending to take him back. But for some reason at work, not only is it hard to ignore him, when I do, I feel like shit.


Can I just share a few things that are making me feel like shit? The day I told him everything he deserved to hear, he walked away from me and I found him 'crying' while my boss and the other girl were consoling him. TODAY, another male colleague of mine was flirting with me, hugging me and pretending to kiss me (just playing around) and one of my bosses came up to us and whispered 'Stop it, X is looking..'. X is him. I couldnt believe, I have the reputation of being a witch and of having hurt HIM. When I asked my boss why did she make that comment, she said 'He had a really hurt look on his face while looking at you two and I felt sorry...'. Do you know now why I'm confused? I don't know if he really is hurt, or if he's just trying to ruin me?

[Gigabitch]

Of course he's really hurt- that guy is all screwed up. You threw a friggin' DVD at him, for God's sake. I'm sure from his POV, he gave you the world and you freaked out on him.

What a mess. The question is: Do you actually want this guy? Do you want him for himself, weird flaws and all, or do you just want to win? (I totally get it if you do). With Other Girl out of the way, it should be easy.

I think the decision is entirely up to you. And quit sulking about how he didn't like you. You know he did- he's just a bit wacko and made some bad decisions.

[shygal]

Gigabitch,
The mess occurred because of him! I know that I shouldve told him from the BEGINNING that I didnt like the whole other girl business but I kept it inside so eventually I burst out with the dvd thing. And no, I don't think he gave the whole world to me--I mean he did buy many things but didnt you comment previously that it's just a way to get into a girl's pants? Weather or not it was a way of 'buying' me, I still fear that he spoiled me so that the other girl would get jealous.

What I really want is the guy who I thought he was -generous, loving- not the guy who he suddenly became: spiteful, immature, unfaithful, stubborn. Do you want the truth? I want him to realize he made a mistake, he really hurt me, to tell me he's truly sorry. But this isn't up to me right, it's up to him. And it looks like he has no intention of changing, forget apologizing.

I want him, if he truly wants me. But his actions prove the opposite. He's more than wacko and confused. Things are turning so weird that I almost feel sorry for him. Yet I'm the one who suffered. One day he flirts his heart out with the other girl and the next day he mopes around all day long with a sad expression.

My question is from your perspective, who is being the stupid one here??

[shygal]

Another thing I'm starting to feel is that he's just messing around me even more. Pretending to be hurt, so that I fall for him again and this time he will dump me. He's very spiteful, and he once told me 'The moment somebody treats me badly, I will treat them even worse'.
Yet part of me wants to think that maybe he does have a heart after all. What to do??

[Gigabitch]

I don't think anybody's being truly stupid, just stubborn and angry at one another. Could one of you make a move toward peaceful reconciliation, just to get the charge out of the air?

[shygal]

I would really like that, u dont know how much. It's not just a pride-issue but remember that all this time, I'm the one who went after him more than on his part. So I'm not not doing it because it will show that i'm vulnerable and really attached to him, it will just show that I'm plain stupid.

Have u seen the movie My Best Friend's Wedding? There's a line somewhere when Rupert Evertt tells Julia Roberts: He's chasing X, You're chasing him, but who's chasing you? No one.

[Gigabitch]

Have u seen the movie My Best Friend's Wedding? There's a line somewhere when Rupert Evertt tells Julia Roberts: He's chasing X, You're chasing him, but who's chasing you? No one.

Ouch! That's ugly! Do you really feel that way? IMO, that's the Path to the Dark Side. Thinking like that is only going to increase the game-playing (and you're both Olympic-grade contenders, as far as I can see)

Hit the brakes. This thing is totally out of control.

First: worry a bit about your image. What other people think about you, especially at work, really does matter. Stop flirting with others- it's promoting that witch image. Do you want to look like the Mean Girl or like the Wronged Party?

Next: Wait. Wait for the dust to settle. You don't need to figure all of this out TODAY. In a week or so, when you've got your new Reasonable Shygal thing going along nicely, just drop a hint to an uninvolved coworker that you're really disappointed about how the whole thing played out.

Don't try to make anything happen. See what happens if you just leave it alone.

[shygal]

First: worry a bit about your image. What other people think about you, especially at work, really does matter. Stop flirting with others- it's promoting that witch image. Do you want to look like the Mean Girl or like the Wronged Party?

I've more than worried about that! From the day he started 'crying' I realized not only what an immature kid he was, but also that he's even capable of turning his back against me maliciously. People were feeling sorry for him, though they did nt know the background and who really was the one suffering. He's so sick that he's even capable of ruining my reputation and job.

I wasnt clear in my last post: the guy who was 'flirting' with me today is our good friend, who is gay. And another thing: I don't pretend to be sad, innocent or whatnot just to get other people's sympathy, like someone. And I don't flirt with every guy I meet, unlike him with girls. Plus, if I do things, I do it openly and they while he does things sneakily. Do u know what I mean? I should be disgusted at his acting abilities, yet I don't know why I still want to have something to do wiht him!!!

Thank you, I will follow your last comment. I'm just scared. Scared that he will never come back, or scared that I will fall again and he will hurt me, even more.

I found this quote on another site which I really feel:

The right one will be the one you fully trust. It will be the one that doesn't have to talk to other girls everyday because you're the only girl he needs to talk to daily.

[shygal]

I know that he's not worth it etc etc, but why isnt he talking to me?? He's really damaging my self esteem.
I know, the problem is that i cant accept that someone doesnt like me. how to get over such a creep.....

[Gigabitch]

Impatient girl! Try to be more patient than the guy in any situation. It's not that hard. Keep yourself busy.

[shygal]

Thanks Gigabitch
Sad though how things end up in this way. I used to do everything to see him every day, now I'm doing everything to avoid seeing him.
I'm afraid I'll live like this and in the future I'll regret what happend and think 'I should have been more understanding....'.

[Alexander84]

Sad, thats why you try and aim higher next time.

[shygal]

Sad, thats why you try and aim higher next time.

Since I'm kind of a little sensitive this period....I hope that comment was meant in a good sense? As in, I should find a better, trustworthy person. Or did you mean something else?

[Gigabitch]

Since I'm kind of a little sensitive this period....I hope that comment was meant in a good sense? As in, I should find a better, trustworthy person. Or did you mean something else?

That's what he meant. Alex is nice.