What do I do!!! I need advice

[james_123]

Im currently attending college in London, and I’ve met a really nice girl, and I really love her, when ever I see her (even think about her) I get butterflies in my stomach, Iv been doing my best to make it obvious that I fancy her so that I don’t become to close into the "Friends zone" as id put it.

Well anyway some days I’ve seen the way she looks over to me, and how she always stares me directly to me when we're speaking. We have a lot in common but im not sure about whether she likes me in the same way. I don’t want to ask her out only to be rejected and get into the "Just Friends" situation, she is always nice to me and I know that whatever I do in the end she will still be my friend, but I don’t want my first "asking the girl out" job to fail, I would lose all of my confidence! And I can’t handle that.

Im 16 and I’ve never told a girl how I feel, I’ve never had a GF and I don’t know what to do! I need some advice, what would you do in my situation?...How do I take our relationship further?

Thanx

[Mathias]

Ask her out. Be casual about it, but be direct.

Don't lose confidence if she says no, though. Every one of us has gone through that, and we're the coolest group I know.

[Alex Nova]

james_ wrote:
im currently attending college in London, and I’ve met a really nice girl, and I really love her, when ever I see her (even think about her) I get butterflies in my stomach, Iv been doing my best to make it obvious that I fancy her so that I don’t become to close into the "Friends zone" as id put it.

Here is some tough love for you kid.

First of all, how can you "love" somebody you've just met? You mean you "fell for her" like a tonne of bricks... People who fall in love as easy as you set themselves up for a life of heartbreaks. You dont even know her, how can you possibly love her? Like yes, love no. ALso why do you "love" her? Is it because of her looks or the way she makes you feel special cos she cares for you and returns your feelings... I bet its not the latter so like I said drop the love act or you will be her friend in no time... Women detect desperate men very effectively and make them "friends" they avoid.


Well anyway some days I’ve seen the way she looks over to me, and how she always stares me directly to me when we're speaking. We have a lot in common but im not sure about whether she likes me in the same way. I don’t want to ask her out only to be rejected and get into the "Just Friends" situation, she is always nice to me and I know that whatever I do in the end she will still be my friend, but I don’t want my first "asking the girl out" job to fail, I would lose all of my confidence! And I can’t handle that.
Dont ask her out, suggest a random activity to "hang out." Why be old fashioned and ruin this girl with your desperate "asking out" routine that got you nowhere for the last few years that you been into girls.
If she starts seeing you as a friend and then you "ask her out" then she will hate you for it, because you framed your relationship with her as a friend from the begining and then became a shifty prick and told her that you have feelings for her. Women dislike shy guys who need to become friends first in order to date them... they call them "wimps and nice guys" these guys never get any.

On confidence... first of all DO NOT TAKE REJECTION PERSONALLY!!! You dont know this girl.. PERIOD! She may be a nun, she may have a boyfriend, she may be going overseas soon, you dont know her situation at all. There are heaps of people who try and meet men and women only to approach them at the wrong place at the wrong time... so its NOT personal. For ex: Bob approaches Kate at the grocery store and after some fluff chat, he asks for her #, she refuses because she is busy to get home and feed her pet, now if Bob met Kate at a bar the following Friday night and approached her, chances are she would give him her number because she is out and relaxing.
You dont know what inside her head so just suggest a get together and if she declines then no biggie because you did not ask her out, you suggest a meet up thats neutral! She has no expectations from this and will feel comfortable doing it.


Im 16 and I’ve never told a girl how I feel, I’ve never had a GF and I don’t know what to do! I need some advice, what would you do in my situation?...How do I take our relationship further?
Im not surprised how young and inept you are with women. Thats ok, when I was 16 I knew jack either.
Once again, do not tell women how you feel until after you have slept with them or at least in your case and age bracket, made out many times. If you reveal your intentions to a woman who doesnt even feel anything for you then you risk coming across as desperate and needy... women do not like needy men... as much as they hate to admit it.

Also you do not have any relationship with her so you cant take it further... suggest a meet. Since your young, I suggest you tell her you need to go shopping to buy some clothes and she can help you out choosing some clothes... you need a female perspective. Stick with that and keep it simple.

//STOP SPAMMING//

[cless_alvein]

Honestly i wouldn't take any of these guys advice sorry lol, i agree with very little of it but hey thats just me, love is possible at any age, when the mind is mature enough to understand/handle it then and only then are you ready anyways, you like her? don't ask her out not yet anyway, ALWAYS and i can't stress this enough, become friends, i knew my g/f for awhile before we decided to take it further, never ask a girl out just because you "fancy her" unless you're looking for a quick way to get hurt, wait, give it some time, better yet is when she makes the first move, if she's keen enough and she likes you, she WILL ask you out eventually, it might take time depending on if she's shy etc, the great thing about a girl is when their in love they will keep holding it back until they can't anymore and just blurt it out, why? because it gets to a point where it physically hurts you, but take things slow, very slow, find out as much as possible about her without seeming like a stalker lol, taking you're time is the key to knowing something, and knowing someone well = a strong relationship, providing she has what fills you're needs and ditto to her, hope it works out, take care

[vashti]

Ask her out. Be casual about it, but be direct.

Don't lose confidence if she says no, though. Every one of us has gone through that, and we're the coolest group I know.

Mathias is right. Ask her out. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. That is what being a man is all about.

Dating is a "numbers game". You will definitely hear your share of "no", but you will also get some who will say "yes", but only if you try, and practice will increase your level of confidence.

[Tiay]

nova, why would women hate to admit we don't like needy men? I have no trouble 'admitting' that.

ok, a sure way to get into the 'friend' zone is to not ask her. You have to ask her, because if you don't, she will assume you are not interested and automatically slot you in the friend zone. She may say no. who cares? it'll improve your confidence in the end. If a relationship with her is not to be, then it's best you get a direct answer so you can move on!

You've only known her since the beginning of the college year, I assume, and haven't even been on a date with her, and already you love her? I'd say it's just a simple case of over-using the word love. You just like her- and like can be a very strong and meaningful feeling.

I say since you've already been talking with her for a while, you should know enough about her to ask her out and/or tell her you like her. If you don't risk this and just wait, you _will_ end up in the friend zone, where as if you risk it, at least you'll have tried, and hopefully she likes you back!


MOST of all.. kid, you're only 16! Don't take it too seriously, you've got plenty of time to learn all of this.

(also.. how are you 16 and in college?)

[Gigabitch]

How old is she? If she's 19, she may look at you like a little brother no matter what you do.

Look, nobody is ever completely sure of another person, even after you ask them out. I just read a thread about a guy who was sure this girl loved him, and now they don't even speak to each other. The risk you're afraid to take with her is the same risk we all take every day. Join us.

[cless_alvein]

What can i say, sometimes you have to take a chance, i mean if everyone feared of being rejected we'd get no where right?, it's up too you but i stand firm on my opinion before, sorry if my grammar and spelling was bad it was kinda 11:45PM lol, in life you always have to take risks, it's just how it is no one can change that, even if we get burnt we just need to pull ourself together and move on, but if you do happen to go an ask her out, don't think negative as hard as it is too do believe me it's for the best.

[Alex Nova]

What can i say, sometimes you have to take a chance, i mean if everyone feared of being rejected we'd get no where right?, it's up too you but i stand firm on my opinion before, sorry if my grammar and spelling was bad it was kinda 11:45PM lol, in life you always have to take risks, it's just how it is no one can change that, even if we get burnt we just need to pull ourself together and move on, but if you do happen to go an ask her out, don't think negative as hard as it is too do believe me it's for the best.

But dont you think the whole "beggar" attitude will not get you far in the first place?

[cless_alvein]

well yeah, but to be honest, i've said as much as i can to this post, i don't really have much more to add, i see it as a simple problem, though i know when it's your own it seems a lot harder.

[Tiay]

ask her already, man! There is no giant secret to telling a girl how you feel. it goes like this: "(girls name), I really like you. Would you like to go out sometime?" Or of course you could suggest the venue if you have something in mind. Don't ask her to just 'hang out' or study together- those are 'friend' activities, which you can of course still do, but when you're asking her you gotta at least ask her for dinner or lunch together somewhere nice, or a movie or something.
It's important that you tell her how you feel. If you just end up going to lunch with here now and then, she'll probably think it's a 'friend' thing. so you gotta make it clear that you like her, and that you're dating.

I'm sure some one will now jump in and say that there are a lot smoother ways to do the above. and they'll throw all kinds of stupid bullshit like "don't tell her how you feel till you've kissed her!" (utterly stupid advice).
even If you do like those mind games, this is not the time to try them anyway!

here's all the things that could happen:

• you ask her, and she says she likes you back. You start dating. you have a girlfriend, congrats!

• You ask her, she says she doesn't like you in that way. Oh well. You're devastated for a while, but after a while, you can recover and ask a different girl. The sooner you ask her, the easier it will be to move on if she rejects you.

• You don't ask her, but you continue torturing yourself because you want to ask her so badly but you can't seem to do it. You'll fester away like this for months, maybe even years, while she will of course eventually get a boyfriend. You'll become the stereotypical "best friend with-secret-crush" to her, and it'll tear you up inside. Your mind will be so hooked up on her, that even when you try dating other girls, it just doesn't feel right.. and you leave college with almost no dating experience and a bruised heart.

there. now pick one.

[vashti]

Nice post, Tiay. I tried to give you rep, but the system won't let me.