Please men I need your advice.

[trueleila]

i am hoping someone can help me with my situation. i've been with my boyfriend now for close to two years. a couple times during our relationship i had noticed on the computer that he was visiting porn sites. these sites are not just regular porn sites, but escort sites that are local in our area. i mentioned it to him one time and he said he didn't mean anything by it and he was just curious, also he wasn't looking for anyone to do those thing's with. i talked to him about it and explained to him how it makes me feel and he said he wouldn't do it again. a year and some months go by and i noticed on the computer he did it again, same sites but also he was checking out yahoo personals as well as sexual chat rooms. i didn't say anything about it, stupidity i guess. but last night i noticed he was on a website called craig's list, and looked up erotic encounters. he said he was looking for a sofa and happend to come across it. i tried talking to him about it, how i feel that is emotional cheating but he just kept bringing up hurts i've caused him in the early stages of the relationship. i never cheated or gone on those sites. he said "you hurt me, now it's your turn so deal with it." he blamed me for him doing those thing's, he said that if i was there for him more he wouldn't have to do those thing's. between everyone here on this site and me i try my ass off to be there for him in everyway, but it isn't good enough. if he wants to discuss something, he says i don't say the "right thing's" at the "right time." i'm constantly working at that. i told him that i was doing everything i could to be there for him more in every way, and i'm trying to strengthen our relationship. what do you all think? am i over reacting like he thinks i am? is it just me that thinks/feels it is emotional cheating? if a man truely loves a woman do they still seek porn? thank you.

[vashti]

No need for duplicate threads, my friend.

[trueleila]

i apologize for that.

[damoclesjones]

Your sex life is the problem. The reason you don't have a good sex life is because both of your, probably his, inability to communicate. For some reason he feels unable to express his hurts, and maybe you are difficult to speak to? You think you are being open perhaps, but it's frustrating him.

You're right. If a man truly loves you, he doesn't use porn. He has no need of getting off on abstract images; he is satisfied by love and by your delightful manifestation of it in his life. If this isn't happening, there is a reason, a deep one, which you are in some way feeding, probably with fear of facing yourself, and the truth of what you have with him, because you don't want to lose something you are familiar with.

[Junket]

You're right. If a man truly loves you, he doesn't use porn. He has no need of getting off on abstract images; he is satisfied by love and by your delightful manifestation of it in his life.

My only advice to you Leila, is not to listen to this idealistic nonsense.

People always have, and always find ways to satisfy themselves.

In any case, back to your situation. He's definitely curious alright, question is how tolerant are you of his curiosity?

[trueleila]

yes they are local, about 20 miles or less. i sure hope he wouldn't do something as to call one up. he isn't one who opens up easily. he has been hurt in the past and has resentment towards women, not that it's an excuse.

[Mathias]

Dude, two strikes against the guy.

1. Visiting LOCAL escort sites? This is NOT a normal guy looking at porn. We all have it, but if this guy is looking local, there's a much bigger problem on your hands.

2. He REALLY can't hide it? I dated a girl for four years, and she used my laptop all the time. Hidden folders, deleted history files, and clear caches are your friend. It's really not hard.

[DXX]

Sounds like a fun guy!

[Tiou]

he said "you hurt me, now it's your turn so deal with it." he blamed me for him doing those thing's, he said that if i was there for him more he wouldn't have to do those thing's. between everyone here on this site and me i try my ass off to be there for him in everyway, but it isn't good enough. if he wants to discuss something, he says i don't say the "right thing's" at the "right time." i'm constantly working at that. i told him that i was doing everything i could to be there for him more in every way, and i'm trying to strengthen our relationship.

Dump him... I mean like wtf!? You are doing anything for this guy and all he says is you're the one to blame that he looks at local escort services... My personal opinion: Dump him!

[hitch]

"It's your turn, so deal with it"...that's a problem right there. Normally, if you love someone, you get over that stuff and enough is enough. The local escorts and craigslist pose a bigger problem, though. He was looking for action, and I'm going to go ahead and assume that either he got some action, or he's on his way. You better start shopping for a good man...