never been in a relationship... not sure what is happening with a girl atm

[vashti]

I am not getting the impression so much that you don't care to have a relationship with THIS girl so much as you don't care to have a relationship PERIOD, not of any kind. Not sexual, not emotional, not friendly... nothing. You certainly have that right, but it is pretty unusual to isolate yourself so completely.

It seems like you have a greater-than-average fear of intimacy, and I think you are letting it run your life. That is why I think you should talk to a professional.

[and_for_what]

I am not getting the impression so much that you don't care to have a relationship with THIS girl so much as you don't care to have a relationship PERIOD, not of any kind. Not sexual, not emotional, not friendly... nothing. You certainly have that right, but it is pretty unusual to isolate yourself so completely.

It seems like you have a greater-than-average fear of intimacy, and I think you are letting it run your life. That is why I think you should talk to a professional.

i'm not afraid of intimacy as such. I've been closer to this girl, physically, than anyone else ever in my life. I don't even hug my family etc. Its definately not usually my way to touch people very much. When with this girl, I just want to hold her, though.

Im saying I hope I can avoid such contact for a while because it's so irresponsible and deceptive to indulge in it when I dont know how I feel. It will be giving her the wrong idea.

[and_for_what]

You know, if you could somehow tell her what you just posted, you wouldn't be running circles in your head. Rather, you'll have informed her exactly what you know, and can then proceed trying to hold her and think about her constantly yet be completely disinterested in her.

if she read all this, there shouldnt be any surprises. We talk as openly as I can on here - she knows whats up, from what I say, atleast. Perhaps what I do might be giving her the wrong ideas, though.

And dude, I didn't say I was completely disinterested in her? Where did that bit come from?

[and_for_what]

you've nothing to hide, and should proceed trying to spend more time with her if it makes you happy.

if it makes me happy.

does it? TBH I think id be a lot happier atm if all this crap wasn't happening. I could focus on what I know I love, and care about more than anything else. This is, in many ways, unwelcome.

[and_for_what]

Does your studying make you happy? Do you love doing all your homework & assignments? You still do them, because there's a chance they'll pay off down the road. Develop some foresight and apply that to this girl.

heh, actually I dont do work.

Thats what I *am* trying to do here, dude. I don't want to totally tell her to **** the **** off, yet. But I don't want to keep her too close. Looking at things really close up can obscure the view - its harder to focus. I need to try to maintain a certain distance.

[vashti]

I think you should just tell her you are too screwed up to be bothered with and quit wasting her time.

Sorry, I guess that sounds harsh, but you really sound like a piece of work.

[King Zarathu]

I think you should just tell her you are too screwed up to be bothered with and quit wasting her time.

Sorry, I guess that sounds harsh, but you really sound like a piece of work.

I get so pissed off when assholes like him sit there twiddling their thumbs. I could bust out with Photoshop again, but...**** that.

[dreamer101]

look man, you know what i think is happening here. ofcourse you don't so sit your ass down and let me tell you.

if i remember your earlier posts correctly, you've been living a life of seclusion where you have kept to yourself all the time. that has become your comfort zone. now you are stepping outside your comfort zone and experiencing what something different (love / romance / etc). so its normal if you don't understand how you feel. its normal that you too damn scared shitless to make yourself so vulnerable. but sometimes you gotta have courage to hold on that feeling you feel when you are with her. weather it is there in 6 months time who gives a shit, IT IS there today and so make the most of it. or you can go back to your comfort zone and chose to stake it all some other time when the ozone layer is not so depleted.

"Looking at things really close up can obscure the view - its harder to focus. I need to try to maintain a certain distance."
Thats your comfort zone. You like to sit on the fence. Live a little.

[Gigabitch]

.....and with all this, she's still showing up to be with you.

Jeeze, it's like you've won the ****ing lottery, and you won't go cash in the ticket.

Actually, I imagine you're really enjoying yourself in person with her, and letting all of your fears and concerns come hurling out here, which is as it should be. Yes, you keep second-guessing your own motivations, etc., but.....

you keep showing up to be with her too, don't you?

I think that's great.

[and_for_what]

I think you should just tell her you are too screwed up to be bothered with and quit wasting her time.

Sorry, I guess that sounds harsh, but you really sound like a piece of work.

Thats entirely valid. If/when I decide to step away, with finality, that will essentially be what I say. A bit nicer, though - but the key point about me being screwed up will be there.

I get so pissed off when assholes like him sit there twiddling their thumbs. I could bust out with Photoshop again, but...**** that.

it was funny last time, go ahead

.....and with all this, she's still showing up to be with you.

Actually, I imagine you're really enjoying yourself in person with her, and letting all of your fears and concerns come hurling out here, which is as it should be. Yes, you keep second-guessing your own motivations, etc., but.....

you keep showing up to be with her too, don't you?

um, well we havent really been with each other for a few days. I might see her today but could easily avoid doing so until Monday. I haven't been very accepting of conversation on msn when she tried, either.

Yea I enjoy myself when I'm with her, it feels cool, but all these concerns and uncertainties are still there - just they get supressed and muted a bit while I'm with her - bursting out again at certain times, making me act quite variable.

dreamer101 - yes, thats right. My comfort zone is really comfortable. I've stepped outside it a few times before, in recent memory, and the results have always been unforgettably great. It doesn't make it any easier to keep doing it, though. I'm so indecisive about everything. I have to kind of keep all options open, and hold everything steady, until one day its obvious that I've leant really far in one direction, or that other options are no longer possible.

[and_for_what]

lol...what do you consider "fun?" If you had a day off, with no obligations & nothing to worry about, how would you spend the day? What would you do to entertain yourself, to find amusement?

erm, id probably go and buy food etc, spend too much time online, most likely do some training if appropriate. Cook and eat.

Its always best when theres something I have to do. Not academic work, thats never good. But like, cleaning and things. Today I'm going to like hoover everywhere and clean the bathroom etc, which rules!

So yea, I saw her thismorning. I left afterwards which I felt fine with. I'm glad I didn't feel compelled to try to hang around with her all day. She asked if I was doing anything now, I said like not really, no. She seemed to be expecting me to suggest that we do something, and was put off when I just said bye.

I don't feel very bothered any more tbh.

[and_for_what]

ok dudes. Last update maybe:

I don't know what happened over the last couple of weeks, but whatever it was - it's over. I'll definately remember this time, its been intense.

Thanks for all your interest and help. You all know my **** ups and problems, and are probably accurate in what will happen to me.

"It's been emotional"

--Joe

[BlueRaven]

Its always best when theres something I have to do. Not academic work, thats never good. But like, cleaning and things. Today I'm going to like hoover everywhere and clean the bathroom etc, which rules!

That statement is rather, depressing.

[dreamer101]

hmm i m sorry!
hope ur ok.
what happened?

[and_for_what]

hmm i m sorry!
hope ur ok.
what happened?

its cool, its the sensible option. Her choosing, not mine, though. Just in conversation, nothing huge and violent.

tbh I cried for some reason, I havent done so for a while. But I'm feeling alright now. I think as I mentioned near the start of this thread, this seemed a bit like my first/last chance so I hope it does turn out to be best alone.