Getting over a guy

[Mathias]

I fixed your post.

That is actually true.

There are things about me (and MANY others, I'm sure) that I've told nobody.

Now, out with the story.

[Taranee]

Ok everyone here it is. Sorry it took me so long. I’m just going to call the guy Danny. Warning this is long this might take some time to read.

Like I mentioned. We were attending the same school. We were classmates. There was no attraction between us whatsoever. At least as far as I know. Back then I thought he was disgusting and he was always getting on everyone’s nerves. I never thought of him in “that” way. I “thought” that he felt the same way about me because back then I felt like shit and felt like I was the ugliest thing that walked around this planet. So how could any guy like me?

Flash forward to a few years later. New school, new experiences, new people. Or in this case old people. My friends attended the new school. A year later Danny and one of my friends Susannah also joined the gang. And surprise, surprise! Apparently Danny and one of my friends Susannah became friends right before attending the new school.

When I first saw Danny again his attitude has changed drastically. I can remember myself thinking “I guess he’s not so disgusting after all. At least you can now have a normal conversation with him.”. Of course physically he had changed somewhat. But I guess I changed as well. I have to admit he wasn’t bad. Still if someone would have mentioned back then I would love him like I do right now I would never have believe it.

So our little circle of friends was complete again. But now Danny has joined. (He was the only guy in the group by the way) Everywhere we went, Danny went. Lunchtime, after school. Whatever. He was always there. I never questioned or assessed the situation because I was happy to be with my friends. Hanging out with friends was a way for me to forget my problems at home for a little while.

Of course since he was “always” around I got to know him better. Things slowly started to develop underneath the surface without me or anyone else realizing it. I don’t know exactly when it started but I do know that one day at school I found out that he really liked the same song I liked. And that he liked the same movie I liked. And for the first time I realized we had something in common! All those years I didn’t think Danny and I could possibly have anything in common.

During the next summer even more people joined to the club and we saw each other more often. That summer changed my life. One day we went out with the group. Afterwards we all went home. Danny and I had to go the same place and go our own way from there. So me and Danny were alone. The rest of the group was gone. Me and Danny were talking. Danny was saying something to me. I remember that I was agreeing with him. That was the moment.

That’s when it happened. Don’t ask me what we were talking about. I completely forgot. I felt like I was hit by a train! Like I was struck by lightning. I was in shock. It was so overwhelming! Everything was like a blur for a few seconds!! Really, I’m not kidding!! It was like BOOM “I love Danny…”. It was an indescribable feeling. It was like Danny was there walking beside me and the puzzle was complete.

Still in a surreal state I said I had to go because the bus stops over there. Danny immediately stopped me, looked at me like please don’t go. And said “There’s another stop over there come on.”. Thinking back I always thought that was funny because before he had to hurry because he was late for his job. We didn’t make it far though my cousin stopped us, kissed me on the cheeks. While Danny looked at us with big eyes, said he had to leave and ran quickly. It was like he was afraid my cousin would beat him up or something.

Afterwards, I went home. Believe it or not for the first time in my life I was genuinely happy. Happy but shocked. And scared. Scared to death I would loose it now that I found it. But when I was on my way home and had a chance to get both feet on the ground I started thinking about my friend Susannah. Then one by one all the questions started.

“Susannah and Danny? Are they together? Susannah never told me… Well she didn’t told me she was with Ryan 2 years ago. She kept it top secret until I saw them kissing together. Perhaps she’s trying to keep it under the carpet. And what if they’re not together. I would never want to hurt Susannah. She’s my friend. What if she’s having feelings for him? What about Danny? Maybe he has feelings for Susannah… Perhaps I should watch my step.” I already lost a friend over some guy because I made a stupid mistake in telling her I liked a guy. I didn’t want to lose any more friends. Everyone knows ‘real’ friends are rare. I decided then and there I wouldn’t tell a soul that I loved Danny. Because:

1. This could turn out like a huge whirlwind and I could loose all my friends at once. Friends are rare.
2. I have no idea how Danny feels. Or how Susannah feels.
3. I had to protect my feelings.

I could have asked Susannah about her and Danny. But of course that would blow my entire cover. She would know instantly about my feelings for Danny. And that would be bad if SHE had feelings for him as well. Also, I realized then what had happened. On the outside we all looked like really good friends. But actually we have grown further apart since the arrival of Danny. We just went out and had fun. We never really talked. So it also felt awkward to go straight to Susannah and ask about her “love life”.

Since then my life looked like an ongoing “Days of our Lives”. I have been trying to hide my feelings for Danny as much as I could hide them. I tried to avoid him as much as possible without being obvious. You will not believe how hard that is trying to hide your feelings. While I was busy hiding my love for Danny I’ve tried looking for clues. I observed Danny and Susannah like a detective. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried hearing out friends without being obvious. My best friend Kathy said that they were “just” friends. Ok, but how could she be sure? Susannah isn’t telling her everything either!

Afterwards I would tell my mother all the details and everything I found out. She would say: “Well, he obvious doesn’t love you because if he did. He would make a move.”. I felt embarrassed. Actually I still do. I can’t even control my feelings for a guy. He’s just a guy! Correction: He’s just the best thing that ever happened to me! I can’t tell my mom that I still love him to death. Because she will give me a free 3 hour lecture about how much Danny doesn’t love me and how I should get over it.

This was me: If Danny is really with Susannah I’m happy for them. Really I was! This is the strange part: I have never ever been jealous of Susannah! Never! I thought that was so weird. Especially since I was convinced she was with Danny. I really wanted Danny to be happy. Because if you truly love someone you want them to be happy. Danny was with Susannah so obviously he was happy with her. I would never ever do anything to come between them. I was happy that Susannah had found someone worthwhile. I’m going to be honest. Of course I wanted to be with Danny. But seriously back then it was like I turned into Mother Theresa or something. I did everything just to make Danny and Susannah happy.

The hardest thing for me was pretending I didn’t love Danny. I was trying to get over him as soon as I realized I loved him. And after all these years it still hasn’t worked! Danny didn’t help me out either. It was like he was now always around me. And I was like always trying to avoid him. It was a crazy situation. He was always walking beside me when we all went out. He was always talking to me. He was always joking with me. Then it looked like he was sending me all sorts of signals. That I of course carefully tried to analyze.

Oh my God it was like riding an emotional rollercoaster. He was ALWAYS around me. I thought I was going crazy. One day we were alone and that was the only time I lost complete control. We were having our usual connection. I can’t explain it really but it seems to happen a lot when Danny and I are together. Normally when that happens we don’t look at each other. That day however we did. That was the only time I slipped. We were sitting next to each other. I said something. He looked at me. I looked at him. My heart skipped a few beats as I was lost in his eyes. And then… nothing. He just kept staring into my eyes for a few minutes. Until I realized what was going on. I panicked. Made up a lame excuse and ran from the situation. My feelings: happy because I saw him, yet confused, upset, tired. I kept thinking about Susannah. I felt like shit.

I didn’t knew how much longer I could hide my feelings for Danny. In the meantime about 2 years have passed!!! For 2 years I have acted non-stop. So I thought about it and if Danny would keep this up or I couldn’t hide it I would tell Danny the truth. I would tell him I love him but that Susannah was my friend and ask him friendly to keep his distance. Because I am trying to get over him and his clinging isn’t helping the situation.

Back then my life was a mess. And I was in a pretty bad shape. Lost a lot of weight. I looked like a skeleton! I felt physically ill. I didn’t go out with friends. I didn’t want to see anybody for that matter. There was just so many things going on in my life. Susannah was acting funny. To put it bluntly she treated me like dirt! After all I did for her! I didn’t know what I did wrong! I thought that maybe she acted this way because of Danny. Maybe she saw right through me. Maybe she though I was stealing Danny away from her. The only friend who kept calling me to check on me was Kathy.

[Taranee]

Kathy finally got me out of the house. And found out what was going on in my life. She found out I wanted to commit suicide. I owe Kathy a lot. She really helped me through the rough times. We went out and guess who we ran into? Danny and Susannah! Along with yet again a new guy Kathy kept yapping about.

I was tired. Felt terrible, looked terrible. It was just like old times. Once again I had to hide my feelings. Seriously, I was getting tired of this crap. Danny, looked at me guilty, immediately came up to me told me he had added me to MSN (lies, lies, lies). I gave him my e-mail because he told me he mailed me like a thousand times to go out with the group. Found out months later he didn’t add me in the first place. After Danny, Susannah came up to me looking guilty. Started telling me how often she has tried to reach me. (lies, lies, lies) I told them both it was OK. I knew Susannah was lying. I had been at home for a few months. The only time the phone rings for me it’s Kathy.

The atmosphere was VERY, VERY awkward and tensed. Only Kathy was a bright sunshine. She kept on chattering away. “Oh, finally we are together again with the group. Yada, yada, yada”. Questions arose. Susannah asked about my personal life. About my studies. I didn’t want to tell her what was going on in my life right then and there. I didn’t want to have a breakdown in public. There were lots of people there! I told Kathy before we went out that I wasn’t ready to go out again with the group. Yet now she insisted we go to a restaurant to get a bite!! Danny started his regular clinging again. I tried walking besides Susannah, within 2 seconds he’s walking besides me. So then I walk alongside with Kathy and yet again within 2 seconds he’s walking besides me. Until of course we are walking and talking, just the two of us. Until we reach the restaurant. Danny and Susannah sat next to each other. I didn’t want anyone to get suspicious so I sat besides Kathy and the new guy, Martin took a seat next to Danny. Everyone and everything felt awkward and tensed. I felt sooo uncomfortable. I was both physically and emotionally exhausted. I found myself yet again trying to find clues.

At one point I unintentionally said something which caused Danny to look at me like I was the main course. That wasn’t intentionally. I was thinking like “Eh… Oops… Did I do that? Wow, these stories about guys are right. They sure know how start their engines fast! Danny stop looking at me like that. Sh*t.” Funny thing is though that Susannah didn’t react on that whole scene at all. Which later I found awkward.

Kathy and that new guy Martin had also something going on. I thought that Martin had a thing for Kathy. (Which is in fact true) Kathy however doesn’t like him. Anyway, Martin went outside followed by Kathy. So I was left alone with Susannah and Danny. We paid the bill and went outside. Martin and Kathy were talking. It was looking pretty serious. So the 3 of us were talking outside. It was about 10 pm. Unlike inside, the talk outside went a little better. Danny started to lick his lollipop while looking at me seductively. Don’t know who initiated the conversation but we started talking about clothes and ended up talking about what we want in a potential partner. Danny asked me what I think his type was. So I answered something like “Let me see, blond hair, big melons, something like Pamela Anderson?”
He said no and kept asking me. Finally I gave up and he said he likes Asians. He said there was just something really sexy about Asians that he likes. He made an inside joke which I didn’t get and Susannah looked a little uncomfortable while he made that joke. (She is Asian btw)

Then he turned to me and asked me what I was looking for and I answered “I want someone that loves me.” Complete silence filled the air…

He just looked at me as if he didn’t expect that answer. He slowly let the answer sink in as he continued staring at me like in an awe. Then he started smiling, walked over to me and started joking around: “I love you. I love you.” “Danny ok that’s enough.” “What you mean? I really love you”. “DANNY” “Don’t walk away I love you!!” “Danny that’s really funny now please stop. Puh-lease”

I was looking at Susannah while Danny was joking around. It looked as if she was trying to read my reaction. I was shocked that she didn’t say anything to Danny at all. I felt horrible!!! Even if she acted strange towards me. If your boyfriend jokes around about something like this, I mean it’s got to hurt. I did say I love you to Danny. No actually I whispered it when Danny and Susannah walked over to Kathy and Martin.

Afterwards they walked me home. Kathy thought it was ‘necessary’. So Danny and I talked and talked. Or should I say Danny held his interrogation while we walked to my house. “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Why not?” “You know you should trust guys a little more.” During this conversation I felt really uncomfortable. And at times I stood waiting for Susannah and Kathy to keep up with us. We arrived and my mom makes an ‘excellent’ first impression by screaming like she’s at a Bon Jovi concert.

Danny and the rest were all standing at the door like “Ehm.. Is it safe or should we run?”. They came in and Danny starts questioning my oldest sister. One question after the other. Pretty soon Susannah started asking questions as well. After that my father came home. I don’t know why but everyone seems to be afraid of him. So they left immediately. We said our goodbyes. Danny wouldn’t let go of my hand. When he was gone my sister told me Danny tried to kiss me. And that it was pretty obvious that I loved him. So I was like maybe they all know. Kathy did ask me over the years if I was in love. “You sure are silent. You are always silent when you’re in love.”

[Taranee]

Kathy finally got me out of the house. And found out what was going on in my life. She found out I wanted to commit suicide. I owe Kathy a lot. She really helped me through the rough times. We went out and guess who we ran into? Danny and Susannah! Along with yet again a new guy Kathy kept yapping about.

I was tired. Felt terrible, looked terrible. It was just like old times. Once again I had to hide my feelings. Seriously, I was getting tired of this crap. Danny, looked at me guilty, immediately came up to me told me he had added me to MSN (lies, lies, lies). I gave him my e-mail because he told me he mailed me like a thousand times to go out with the group. Found out months later he didn’t add me in the first place. After Danny, Susannah came up to me looking guilty. Started telling me how often she has tried to reach me. (lies, lies, lies) I told them both it was OK. I knew Susannah was lying. I had been at home for a few months. The only time the phone rings for me it’s Kathy.

The atmosphere was VERY, VERY awkward and tensed. Only Kathy was a bright sunshine. She kept on chattering away. “Oh, finally we are together again with the group. Yada, yada, yada”. Questions arose. Susannah asked about my personal life. About my studies. I didn’t want to tell her what was going on in my life right then and there. I didn’t want to have a breakdown in public. There were lots of people there! I told Kathy before we went out that I wasn’t ready to go out again with the group. Yet now she insisted we go to a restaurant to get a bite!! Danny started his regular clinging again. I tried walking besides Susannah, within 2 seconds he’s walking besides me. So then I walk alongside with Kathy and yet again within 2 seconds he’s walking besides me. Until of course we are walking and talking, just the two of us. Until we reach the restaurant. Danny and Susannah sat next to each other. I didn’t want anyone to get suspicious so I sat besides Kathy and the new guy, Martin took a seat next to Danny. Everyone and everything felt awkward and tensed. I felt sooo uncomfortable. I was both physically and emotionally exhausted. I found myself yet again trying to find clues.

At one point I unintentionally said something which caused Danny to look at me like I was the main course. That wasn’t intentionally. I was thinking like “Eh… Oops… Did I do that? Wow, these stories about guys are right. They sure know how start their engines fast! Danny stop looking at me like that. Sh*t.” Funny thing is though that Susannah didn’t react on that whole scene at all. Which later I found awkward.

Kathy and that new guy Martin had also something going on. I thought that Martin had a thing for Kathy. (Which is in fact true) Kathy however doesn’t like him. Anyway, Martin went outside followed by Kathy. So I was left alone with Susannah and Danny. We paid the bill and went outside. Martin and Kathy were talking. It was looking pretty serious. So the 3 of us were talking outside. It was about 10 pm. Unlike inside, the talk outside went a little better. Danny started to lick his lollipop while looking at me seductively. Don’t know who initiated the conversation but we started talking about clothes and ended up talking about what we want in a potential partner. Danny asked me what I think his type was. So I answered something like “Let me see, blond hair, big melons, something like Pamela Anderson?”
He said no and kept asking me. Finally I gave up and he said he likes Asians. He said there was just something really sexy about Asians that he likes. He made an inside joke which I didn’t get and Susannah looked a little uncomfortable while he made that joke. (She is Asian btw)

Then he turned to me and asked me what I was looking for and I answered “I want someone that loves me.” Complete silence filled the air…

He just looked at me as if he didn’t expect that answer. He slowly let the answer sink in as he continued staring at me like in an awe. Then he started smiling, walked over to me and started joking around: “I love you. I love you.” “Danny ok that’s enough.” “What you mean? I really love you”. “DANNY” “Don’t walk away I love you!!” “Danny that’s really funny now please stop. Puh-lease”

I was looking at Susannah while Danny was joking around. It looked as if she was trying to read my reaction. I was shocked that she didn’t say anything to Danny at all. I felt horrible!!! Even if she acted strange towards me. If your boyfriend jokes around about something like this, I mean it’s got to hurt. I did say I love you to Danny. No actually I whispered it when Danny and Susannah walked over to Kathy and Martin.

Afterwards they walked me home. Kathy thought it was ‘necessary’. So Danny and I talked and talked. Or should I say Danny held his interrogation while we walked to my house. “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Why not?” “You know you should trust guys a little more.” During this conversation I felt really uncomfortable. And at times I stood waiting for Susannah and Kathy to keep up with us. We arrived and my mom makes an ‘excellent’ first impression by screaming like she’s at a Bon Jovi concert.

Danny and the rest were all standing at the door like “Ehm.. Is it safe or should we run?”. They came in and Danny starts questioning my oldest sister. One question after the other. Pretty soon Susannah started asking questions as well. After that my father came home. I don’t know why but everyone seems to be afraid of him. So they left immediately. We said our goodbyes. Danny wouldn’t let go of my hand. When he was gone my sister told me Danny tried to kiss me. And that it was pretty obvious that I loved him. So I was like maybe they all know. Kathy did ask me over the years if I was in love. “You sure are silent. You are always silent when you’re in love.” This is also what my sister said, I quote: “How come he was asking me all these questions? It was like being at a job interview. He seemed very nervous. It was like he was trying to make an impression or something. I also, and this just a feeling, but I felt as if he knew very well what was going on.”

After that night. I heard nothing. A few months ago I told my Kathy the truth. Because I can’t go on with my life. She asks me about other guys. But the only thing I think about is how I don’t love them. How much I love this guy. She was shocked. She wanted to know if I would lie to her if she found out the truth. So I was at her house making a fool out of myself and crying. And she tells me that he is with someone he met at his job. Like I haven’t figured that out myself. A few days later Kathy tells me he’s engaged!!! HELLO couldn’t she drop the bomb immediately!! Needless to say I was mixed up. Funny part is I’m partly jealous. I wasn’t jealous when I thought he was with Susannah. That’s strange.

By the way it turns out Danny and Susannah never were together in the first place. He went after Susannah but she claims she only sees him as a “brother”. Kathy asked me if I wanted to talk to Danny about this whole situation. “He’s changed. He’s become really mature.” Of course I told her no. I mean the man is getting married. What’s the point in talking to him. The problem is me. I’m a mess. I’m the one loving him. Why on earth should Danny care how I feel. Whether he is with Susannah or with some other Asian he’s still in taken. So no matter how you put it I’m still in the same boat.

Well, that’s basically the story. Oh wait. That night however when Martin and Kathy were talking. They were talking about me! Martin says “There’s something wrong with your friend. It’s like she doesn’t really want to see Susannah and Danny.” Kathy was all crying outside the restaurant wondering what on earth happened to our close friendships.

So. Long, complicated story, I know. You know I just tried to do the right thing. Anyway, I’m in this situation now. So what am I suppose to do now? How do I get over him.

By the way if you’ve read all of this. Thank you.

[Taranee]

Something I think I should add:

When I go to sleep I dream about him. Seriously. In my dream he’s always walking alongside with me. I once had a dream that he came over to my house to tell me he loved me!! This is really frustrating because I’m trying to forget him. Usually it’s innocent. He’s holding my hand. We’re talking. He kissed me once.

Until this week. A few nights ago I had another dream. This dream however was not so innocent. So anyone out there that knows how to explain dreams??

[beebee]

1) keep yourself busy, go out with friends, coffee, tell your family you need their support and just go out and have fun

2) Listen to upbeat music....like I don't need a man by pussycat dolls...oh how perfect!!

3) Start meeting other people, to remind yourself there are million ones out there, you just need to find them!

4) cut teh person out of your life...not even friend until you are over it

Good luck, I know how hard it is...but you stay strong, keep postive people around you and feel empowered by your beauty : ) x