at the end

[Kelly1]

i am sorry if i am about to go on and on and on about being depressed, i just have to get it out. i am stuck in a sometimes dead end job, i am still living at home, i need to get out, and i have as usual no boyfriend. i have had this feeling of depression for about 2 years now, i had my last proper relationship when i was 18, i am now 21. i know i am still young, and i have my life before me, but at this point in time, i see really no point in going on. i am not suicidal or nothing, that would be my next question, someone told me it it genetic, is that true? my life just seems to have come to an end, i don't mean it has just come to an end, not just because i am having a bad day, it came to an end ages ago, i have just now realised no matter what i try and do to change it, it will always be like this. my real dad commited suicide when i was about 5, my mum has never told me to this day, she said he died, but never how. i found out after putting 2 and 2 together, i once overheard her talking to someone, and i also found his death certificate once. i really don't know why i am talking about it, it's the first time i have ever written about it. anyway, thats all. would be please if anyone could give me any advice. i am sort of seeing someone, he doesn't want a relationship, at least not with me, we were seeing each other a couple of years ago, then we started fighting and now we are seeing each other again, he is in the marines and is not at home for weeks at a time, he told me last week he had met someone and was home at the weekend, but he wouldn't have time for me because he would be with her all weekend, anyway, when i got up on saturday he had texted me 5 times and phoned 6 times. i am so confused, i love this guy to bits, why is he doing this to me. i love him as a friend, i realised how much i did feel for him when we didn't speak for a year, now he is back, i just wish he would realise that whatever we do, how ever ofter we fight, we always come back to each other, how can this happen to someone who just wants sex with someone, he could easily find someone else to just sleep with. he is not the easiest person to get on with........ but somehow it just seems to work. i am sorry for going on , i feel hurt, mad, confused and i feel i am in a dead end relationship and life with no future

[sfalexi]

Don't let him jerk you around. Say goodbye. Tell him before he even thinks of calling you, to get rid of the other girl and not to contact you until he thinks that you're the ONE and only ONE he wants to be with.

As for coming to a dead end, well, we all have reasons to feel depressed. Some more than others. But sometimes you need to do something new to get over it. I'm taking advantage of this 'depression' as an excuse to better myself and make some drastic changes in my life. So I've started working out (again), am eating much better, am practicing my instrument more, and going out with friends more and more (although the bar scene isn't quite MY scene, hey, it's something other than staying stuck in the house).

Alexi

[Kelly1]

i do go out, every friday and saturday, i even have loads of friends, it's not like i am lonely, i just don't feel that my life is getting any better. there is nothing to look forward to.

as for this guy, i knes what i was getting into, i knew it would just be about sex, BUT he is confusing me, why does he want to do the stuff couples do, if it about sex, thats all it should be about, nothing else. he is really important to me, i don't want to fall out with him like the last time, and we can't just be friends, we fancy each other too much for that. i can
t ask him to choose, and obviously, his date with this other girl didn't go too well if he was trying to get hold of me. i don't know..... i just feel like it isn't worth it.