in love with my friend

[hermionegranger]

Yes. I'm in love with a very good friend of mine. And I don't know what to do. He is so terrific and wonderful and great and... and he looks very good too! We get along very well. Our sense of humour is the same and we like similar culture and music. He's smart! He's romantic! He's an active person. He is everything a girl could wish for! He broke up with his girlfriend about 3 or 4 months ago, because they didn't connect very well. And he was pretty sad because of the break-up. I was actually relieved and happy that they broke up. She was not the kind of girl I'd think he'd end up with. Anyway. I've tried to spend some more time with him since then. To see how he's coping with the situation (he told me how it hurt. I listened.) and of course to move into his heart. Slowly. Very slowly. I didn't want to be too pushy. He was just getting over his last relationship. Anyway - it seemes to be working. Slowly. But working. He's not sad anymore and he's over her now. BUT I'm not that certain whether I should "move in" or not. So I'd like to hear your advice - should I let him know that I'm interested in him? Should I tell him that it's not only friendship I'd like to have with him? I'm afraid he'd just... run away after a confession like that. I definetly don't want to loose him. I'd rather love him from a small distance, than make him escape to another universe. If you know what I mean.
What to do?

[Gigabitch]

You're going to miss your chance if you don't act soon. Yes, you might freak him out, but I think he probably knows you feel this way. That kind of stuff is actually pretty hard to hide.

So I think your concern is HOW to do it. The timing is right. The opportunity is there. I think telling yourself you don't want to lose the friendship is just you chickening out.

[windycity]

Yes, you should tell him what you feel but you have to be prepared for the consequences. I did the same thing, I told my crush what I feel (read my posting please-we're kind of in the same boat) but my crush told me he'd only go out to dinner with me if I don't have feelings for him. It really hurts! Read my posting please. Windycity. Thanks.

[hermionegranger]

I can't do it. I can't tell him how I feel. I just can't. I'm too afraid to do it. I'm too afraid to ruin our friendship. I know for sure that he likes me as a person, as a friend. But would he like me as his girlfriend? I'm too afraid to find that out. But I know that if I won't try to find out, I'll feel sorry for the rest of my life. A very disgusting dilemma.

[vashti]

You might as well tell him. What you have now isn't *really* a friendship, is it? Friends don't spend all their time trying to figure out how to push the relationship to the next level.

Anyway, I don't really have a great deal of confidence in male/female friendships for exactly this reason. One person always ends up liking the other in a non-friendship way. So, if things go badly, find a new (female) friend and save the guys for dating.

[Gigabitch]

You might as well tell him. What you have now isn't *really* a friendship, is it? Friends don't spend all their time trying to figure out how to push the relationship to the next level.

And this is why Vashti rules. I think that should be made into an LF banner.

[LostNotFound]

hey there, erm im a bit lost in these types of situations to but i think friendship is the best form for a relationship to biuld on but what you don't want to be is his re-bound girl. as said above the time is right and when the opportunity arises take it or you'll be for ever asking yourself what if..

[vashti]

hey there, erm im a bit lost in these types of situations to but i think friendship is the best form for a relationship to biuld on ..

True, but if you have a situation of unrequited love, then you cannot continue to be a friend. It has to be mutual.

[hermionegranger]

As I said in my first post: I'd rather love him from a small distance, than make him escape to another universe. I really really like him and I don't want to lose him no matter what. I'd rather carry my love for him in my heart alone and never let him know about it, than tell him how I feel and lose him because of my obtrusiveness.
I haven't given up yet though. We're going to the theater next Sunday. As friends of course. But it is a chance to spend time together... And he has sent very funny signals lately. But there is a chance that I'm just imagining them all, because I really want him to be interested in me. So I'm just going to have to keep my eyes open and analyse the situation.

[JohnsonROd]

Ah... I wouldn't overanalyse it too much... and personally I think you're being a bit foolish- not wanting to lose him as a friend...

Think about how much time you're spending being stressed out about this guy... a lot I bet.

I'm always of the opinion to be up front about the way you feel. Tell him, and right after either you're going to be with him... or you can cut him off and stop stressing about him.

Why are you so afraid of the word NO... it's just a word, if you get rejected... it'll be a slight blow to your ego... but it will build character, and next time you're in the SAME situation... you won't be afraid of rejection that much.