Ex still giving me trouble but...

[SteveM]

Hey all,
For a full background on the story its all in my first post on the forum. But anyway, I was going out with a girl up to a year ago and it ended really badly, she took it very badly and to sum it up really... she's been out for "revenge" (her own word) ever since then making mine and my families life hell.

She was a lovely girl at first while we were going out (we were with each other 14 months in total), but honestly I feel she needs some psychiatric help, she acts like shes living in some kind of soap opera. We've had to call the police after a number of incidents and she has a way of making me feel responisible for all thats happened in her life. Like I caused it all by breaking up with her even though I felt she wasn't treating me well at all when we were with each other at the end.

Now I'm hearing that she's using her job to pick up guys and going back to their places to have 1 night stands with them. I have no idea why I'm so hurt by it. I mean, I really can't believe she'd lower herself to that. Despite all the really crazy and horrible and vindictive things she's done and is still doing, I can't help but remember the lovely girl I first met and it drives me insane thinking she's going around doing this sort of thing to get guys. I mean. why? In one way it hurts me to think of her with someone else but really its just that its not "someone else", its "anyone else". It makes me feel a bit sick really. Not to least that I only found out about it due to one of these guys turning out to be someone I know.

Am I being crazy? Why does this hurt me? She obviously still has some hold over me like things are all my fault but I know I need to stop that... I don't know what to do. I just feel empty at all thats going on besides this, she's being so vindictive towards me. She'd rather have us have to call the cops on her and the things she's doing than just stop and sort herself out and say WHY things are so bad. What do I do?

[vashti]

You said yourself she needs psychiatric help. Trying to understand why she does what she does is futile. It hurts to see someone you've cared about sink so far, and I think your pain is understandable.

I think you should really cut all contact and try your best to move on. There is not really anything more you can do.

[Gigabitch]

Am I being crazy?

Yes, and you know it.

Why does this hurt me? She obviously still has some hold over me like things are all my fault but I know I need to stop that...

Drama addiction, maybe? Or you're really good at lying to yourself? Or maybe you are, indeed crazy. You can fix that, you know.

I don't know what to do. I just feel empty at all thats going on besides this, she's being so vindictive towards me. She'd rather have us have to call the cops on her and the things she's doing than just stop and sort herself out and say WHY things are so bad.

You can't fix this broken, broken person. She was NOT a lovely girl when you met her. You just thought she was. She was like a nicely-wrapped box full of cat shit. Throw the box away.

[vashti]

LOL! Giga - you kill me.

[Gigabitch]

LOL! Giga - you kill me.

That's just because I'm poisonous.

[The Great OV!!!]

Leave the girl behind. She is going to be found dead behind a dumpster soon anyway if she continues. Hell, after what she put you through you should be glad. Don't be weak and what ever you do dont ever get back with her....that would be disgusting. Then one of your friends got with her too? man, forget the slut. The way you are contemplating this it is as if you wanted to get back with her or something.

[SteveM]

Its just, I can't seem to be rid of her. She's effected people in every aspect of my life and continues to do so. She was telling this guy she's gonna going my course in college next year and she's joining my sports team, get a job I had and all that.
She continues to try and jump into taxis with and talk to all my friends, saying sh*t about me and really telling anyone she sees coming into contact with me how bad I am.

Like I said, some of the stuff we've had to call the police over has gone to a local court to try and make her stay away from me and stop some of the things she is doing but she is denying everything now and its dragging on and on and on and seems like it'll never end. I feel like complete sh*t for taking it that far but I really hadn't a choice after all that went on.

I had my suspicions about her with other guys and how she carried on but it really really hurt me to find out for definiite how she threw herself at this guy. I mean, what if its the wrong guy next time, she'd end up in big trouble? He's doing it to seek attention, I know, but I really cared a lot about her and really hate seeing her go down this road. And the thought of her spending the night with this "random" guy just makes me feel sick and cheap for being so involved with her. I can't get the image of it out of my head.

I'm not addicted to the drama. I've probably become accustomed to it over the last year but it's broken me down mentally and physically and I need and end to it. I know I can never be with her but I wish she'd sort herself out. She has problems but I know she could be a good girl underneath but she wants to throw it all away acting like a spoilt child running around never thinking of the conseqeunces.

Personally I feel attatched still somehow. I feel guilty in some ways for whats gone on and she really maintains that calling the police on her was just me not being able to handle a breakup. I mean sure, if I called them cos I got a call off my ex-girlfriend that'd be over-reacting... but what about 40 calls an hours and being threatened by her family and having vicious rumours spread and thats just events of 1 day in particular, its going on 365 days! Honestly I'm probably a little desperate in myself that I feel nobody else will ever like me. In the last year its not like I've had a single date with another girl or even the oppertunity to get one. I feel like no girl would ever like me and apparently they don't. Its fine saying just carry on as normal and "something will come along" but with all this hanging over me plus its not like girls are knocking down my door it feels like nobody will ever come near me. Honestly all I want right now is someone to hang out with, do stuff with, maybe have a laugh with and at the end of the day it wouldn't be too much to ask that someone might put their arm around me once in a while. And like I said, as long as all this drags on, its not like I can just "stay away from her". She won't allow me break away from this world, she wants to drag it on. I'd love a girl that "wants" me but doesn't need me. Not a girl that needs me and doesn't really want me. Its hard to explain but maybe someone understands it.

Yeah, In some ways its probably effected me a bit. My confidence is rock bottom, to be honest I'm probably a bit depressed in myself, I'm finding it hard to concentrate on college and stuff like that since she likes to hang outside the doors of my classes and stuff with her friends now, I don't even wanna be there. I know to an extent some of the problem is in my own head because I feel like everything and everyone is against me when its not "EVERYONE", has anyone felt like this before. I feel like theres something missing in my life all the time like right now is not real, its just a "gap" until better things come to fill the void and let my life start again like its supposed to which I know is wrong. What do you do to get these thoughts out of your head and become more positive? Its like every time I don't see her in a while I start to feel better but the second I see her like today, something happens or I think of her with that random guy or I see her acting crazy and I just feel like I can't move.

Sorry, I know, sounds over the top, its just easier to let it out like this than any other way. Thanks guys. You're all great.

[Ellynn]

Yikes, she sounds psycho.

[vashti]

I hope you got a restraining order. She sounds like a freakin' nut case.

Any chance you can go to a different school? I mean, I know it wouldn't be as convenient, but could you do it? I suggest you give it some serious thought.

I am concerned about you dating anyone else at this point because I am not sure how safe they would be with this psycho girl running around. Additionally, I think you need some time to recover psychologically. (Even then, the girls will not be "knocking your door down" and you will have to extend yourself.)

[SteveM]

I don't know. To be honest I thought I was well over her despite all she was doing but this shook me for some reason. I know I'm being too nice but I keep thinking theres the nice girl inside and she's not really doing all this.

But to be honest these feelings are probably coming back becasue she's taunting me that I don't have another girl while she throws herself at guys and it hurts to feel she's getting guys all the tiome but its how she's doing it, all the while I can't seem to attract anyone.

If there was another girl I'd keep her a million miles from this one, believe me. I just wish there was someone out there to be with me. I hate being alone all the time when I was so used to having someone there. Its starting to get to me. I feel like the more I'm alone, the more people percieve the rumours she's spread are true and thats why nobody would come near me, even though they are not. Even if I felt I COULD get a girl if I wanted I mightn't feel so bad but I feel like I just can't. She's told me time and time again I'm unattractive and nobody really WOULD come near me again and somehow its struck a cord. I feel really low. I'm usually a quiet guy and don't know how to get a girl to be honest, and I know that feeling so bad, isn't helping me talk to people at all, its making me feel worse and wanting to hide away.

I know the best advice is kick myself out of it and go out there but every time I try I run into her or there is some sort of incident or I just feel plain sh*t when I girl turns me down on a night out when I know she's across the way hanging off a group of guys.

I know I'm a tool but really, is there anything I can do for myself, or something at all that can make me feel better about myself... I feel really alone and can't really ask anyone in person since its too f*cked up and nobody really "gets it". Has anyone been through something like it before? Surely they must?

[vashti]

Did you read the part where I suggested you transfer schools?

[CAM]

RUN. Run fast. Run far. But steel fencing for your home and change your phone number.

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't go anywhere near a guy with a totally psycho ex. Did you read the part of Vashti's post where she expressed concern for the safety of anyone you might be involved with? Please read it again. It would be irresponsible for you to get involved with anyone right now.

I don't care how nice she "could" be. People don't come in parts- you have to take the whole package, and it's not a pretty one. She's dangerous and unstable.

Quit being a victim.

[SteveM]

Yeah you guys are right. It wouldn't be good to get someone else involved. you're totally right. Just feels really bad that I have to be like this because she is unable to let things go. She seems to have no difficulty using and abusing any guys she likes, I'm not that way to go abusing THEM.

No, moving college isn't possible right now unfortunatly, I'm in the final year of my degree but I appreciate it.

[CAM]

I wouldn't go anywhere near a guy with a totally psycho ex. Did you read the part of Vashti's post where she expressed concern for the safety of anyone you might be involved with? Please read it again. It would be irresponsible for you to get involved with anyone right now.

I don't care how nice she "could" be. People don't come in parts- you have to take the whole package, and it's not a pretty one. She's dangerous and unstable.

Quit being a victim.

I COMPLETELY AGREE.