Our first problem.

[jagmeow]

Alright, it was bound to happen.


So today, my girlfriend went out to lunch and I went home while she went off to her to eat with her friends. She came over around 1:30 pm and I told her I was happy that she was early. For we were going to hang out at 3:30. Anyway, she then goes and tells me that she is gonna go see a movie at 4... with her friends and that she promised them she would go. However, I pointed out to her, that she promised me that we would hang out at 3:30. She then told me she was very sorry (and meant it, she ended up calling herself stupid) and that she would make it up to me later. See, half her friends didn't want to go see a movie, they wanted to go home and play video games... So they did. But, she felt bad for her friend who brought it up and went with him to see movie times and ended up saying she would go see it. She then began to tell me that if she didn't hang out with her friends, they might leave her and be pissed. I told her, "those don't sound like friends to me babe. they always stand with you no matter what." I hang out with my girlfriend more then I do with my best friends. Yet they never resent me for it. They we'll ask "hey lets go do this" I simply say, "sorry hanging out with Morgan." Then they say okay and go back to playing games or what not. I still have very outstanding friendships with all my friends. Despite the fact I don't hang out with them as much anymore. I can call them up almost anytime and hang out with them. Her friends on the other hand, are getting snooty and jealous about it. Infact, one of her "good friends" even told her that he was "worried about her" because we talked about having sex in the future anf that such a thing is horrible for people to do. I resoundly wanted to beat his face in. Our personnel affairs in bed are not his concern. Anyway, She told me that she gave up alot for me so we could hang out. I responded saying, "I've given literally everything to be with you" From my friends time, to my leadership positions in my ROTC and now, alot of commanding officers hold me in contempt because I choose her over them and what they think is my duty. I've dropped 4 of my 5 ROTC teams so we can hang out together more often and I even pay for her lunch every single day of the week. She tells me all her problems and I listen without complaint and give advice when needed. When she is tired, I give back and foot rubs. When she is stressed I give her pleasure without asking any in return so that she can enjoy it to the fullest extent.

This girl, has become the center of my life. I'm joining the Marine Corps, and everything I will do, will be so that I can come home to her.

The whole time, I felt extremely wretched about saying all of this. I fell silent and she looked off to the left. She then started to cry and asked me what she could do to make it up to me because I have given so much for her. She said she doesn't think she can put the same amount into the relationship. Because I was completely dedicated to her through and through.

Now, I feel like a ass. Which wasn't my intent.

So I replied and said,

"You love me more then anything, and you have proven this to me. I do not doubt you. Just be there when this lonely boy gets back from Bootcamp."

I then told her, I realized I was asking too much of her, even though I know, I put 120% into this relationship. However, I did feel like I was pushing her.

So, I went and took a shower and about 2 minutes later, I heard the door open... She walked in and stripped down and joined me. We laughed and talked about other things and just took a normal shower. At almost 4, she left for the movies, telling me that she would make it up to me and that she would be back around 6:45 or so.

So ladies, do you think I handled this well? Is there something missing. Is it okay if I put more into the relationship then she does? I mean, she is dedicated. Don't get me wrong. She IS dedicated and I know without a doubt she loves me.

Just wondering your first thoughts. Whether they are bad or good.

[anachronistic]

Dude, you are giving up way to much. DO NOT give up your dreams and all that stuff you have given up for her. Don't do it; you will regret it.

You handled the situation pretty well though. Something tells me that she needs a little space.

I think you are putting 120% into the relationship, and she is putting in -20%. It should be 50/50. You give her everything she could ever ask for, and what does she do for you? Please share.

[Gribble]

You don't want to smother the girl. Does she frequently weasel out of engagements to hang out with friends or is this a one time only deal? It seems like the two of you spend quite a bit of time together. It might be a little too much for her.

I think maybe you should pull back just a tiny bit. Let her hang out with her friends now and then and you go hang out with your own. Definitely don't go telling her how much you put into this relationship and blah blah blah unless she starts snubbing you on a regular basis. There's nothing worse than being guilt-tripped by a person you care about. Your response to her seemed a little double-edged and sulky to me.

My dad's like that, only much worse. He uses guilt to manipulate people. You do not want to go down that road with a girl who seems to genuinely care about you.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're doing well. You're creating a standard by which she will judge all others, including her friends. It sounds like they won't measure up.

However, I think you need to show this kind of commitment to ROTC as well. I, myself, look at how a man lives up to ALL of his commitments in life, not just to me. Drawing that line wil pay off later.

Trust me: no girl actually wants her own bitch.

[jagmeow]

Thanks everyone.

Actually, she always wants to hang out with me. Now look here, my dream is to become a Marine. She supports me in that and wants what I want.
She doesn't weasel anything. Infact, she wants to spend more time together since my leaving for bootcamp gets closer. It was just this one time thing. I am guessing that she forget, she thinks on impulse pretty much. I've been talking with her to say things like "No" if she doesn't want to do anything. She actually is a better, more determined and decisive person now. Also, ROTC makes me want to shoot myself in the foot. The leaders are horrible, the cadets lazy. In the beginning of the year I hand picked 5 kids who joined colorgaurd. I then molded them and drilled them for hours and showed them all I know. Now they are all my friends, and since they are squad four, they can't compete, until now. They are gonna challenge second squad for it's position in competitions. That's one reason why some people are mad at me. They think I stole all the good kids at the beginning of the year. Infact, they were all green horns that didn't know how to lift a rifle. It's how I trained them that is different.

[vashti]

I'm with Gribble. Based on the way you worded your post, I think you blew it and used guilt to manipulate her. If the way you described it is accurate, she might put up with it for a while, but this sort of manipulation will eventually feel like a noose around her neck.

I also think you are throwing too much into this relationship. Military types tend to be a little rigid in what they expect of others, so you'd better be careful not to smother. Your friends deserve to see you every now and then, as do hers. She has obligations to more than just you. Friends are important, and you are leaving. Who do you expect will hang around her once you are gone, or do you prefer she be lonely?