is it safe?

[Oasis]

Me and my Boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. He put a promise ring on my finger the second year.But October 06 we had some of the hardest times,october was a verry stressfull month for both of us, we fought every single day of that month.On halloween we had gotten into an argument over somthing stupid, and i said somthing along the lines of "well if i make you so unhappy then leave me" and thats when he said he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore, and was considering leaving me.

Later that night he said he was sorry about the things that he said, but that he had been fearing that he would hurt me while he was away at collage, hurt me by getting into a fight with me over the phone and saying things he didnt mean, or getting drunk and doing somthing he would regret,ect.

After that night things were fine for that week, untill the weekend. We had spent all saturday together,at the end of the day, we were driving when i asked him if he truley wanted to be with me forever,thats when he got quiet, and i asked him to pull over so we could talk.

Then he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to leave me now before he hurt me later.Of corse i was in shock, i started to cry and asked him why. At this he got verry fidgety and kept looking anywhere besides me. He told me that he felt differnt, that he didnt want to be with me forever, that he didnt want anything with me.Shocked i layed my head on his shoulder and cried,wisperd i love you, and after that he grabed me and started crying, not bawling, but crying, hard. He told me he didnt know what he was doing, that he loves me too much to leave me, that in saying those things he realized he wants to be with me forever,and apologised,and asked me to forgive him.

So now its 4 months later and things are great.He has been talking about getting married, having a baby, ect ect, and somtimes asks if i still love him for no reason. These are all good things, but i cant help but to feel scared that he will do the same thing agin, Im scared to trust him FULLY ( im not saying i dont trust him at all) the kind of trust i had for him before, i just feel like he betreayed my trust that day, and i dont ever want to hurt like that agin, i told him that if he wants to leave me, then dont wait, to do it now, and he says things like "No! i love you! Im never going to leave you!" He also refuses to say he almost left me that day, he says he was just being stupid and scared that day.

Guys, what do you think of this? Is it safe for me to trust him as i did before? Have you ever been in this situation?

[love2loveu]

Me and my Boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. He put a promise ring on my finger the second year.But October 06 we had some of the hardest times,october was a verry stressfull month for both of us, we fought every single day of that month.On halloween we had gotten into an argument over somthing stupid, and i said somthing along the lines of "well if i make you so unhappy then leave me" and thats when he said he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore, and was considering leaving me.

Later that night he said he was sorry about the things that he said, but that he had been fearing that he would hurt me while he was away at collage, hurt me by getting into a fight with me over the phone and saying things he didnt mean, or getting drunk and doing somthing he would regret,ect.

After that night things were fine for that week, untill the weekend. We had spent all saturday together,at the end of the day, we were driving when i asked him if he truley wanted to be with me forever,thats when he got quiet, and i asked him to pull over so we could talk.

Then he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to leave me now before he hurt me later.Of corse i was in shock, i started to cry and asked him why. At this he got verry fidgety and kept looking anywhere besides me. He told me that he felt differnt, that he didnt want to be with me forever, that he didnt want anything with me.Shocked i layed my head on his shoulder and cried,wisperd i love you, and after that he grabed me and started crying, not bawling, but crying, hard. He told me he didnt know what he was doing, that he loves me too much to leave me, that in saying those things he realized he wants to be with me forever,and apologised,and asked me to forgive him.

So now its 4 months later and things are great.He has been talking about getting married, having a baby, ect ect, and somtimes asks if i still love him for no reason. These are all good things, but i cant help but to feel scared that he will do the same thing agin, Im scared to trust him FULLY ( im not saying i dont trust him at all) the kind of trust i had for him before, i just feel like he betreayed my trust that day, and i dont ever want to hurt like that agin, i told him that if he wants to leave me, then dont wait, to do it now, and he says things like "No! i love you! Im never going to leave you!" He also refuses to say he almost left me that day, he says he was just being stupid and scared that day.

Guys, what do you think of this? Is it safe for me to trust him as i did before? Have you ever been in this situation?

Sweets, Ive been there but not done that! Your story is what has happened to me so many timesI cant count(the gender reversed of course). Dont feel alone and helpless, let us third party strangers comment and perhaps help you through this ok?

[Oasis]

Ok thanx, i really apreciate it

[Gigabitch]

Oh, Kate. That hurts just to listen to.

(FYI- none of us regs pay any attention at all to the forum categories, so if you're really solid on that "Ask a male" thing, just disregard what I have to say.)

I would actually be pissed off if my guy did this to me because I carry my own burden of whatever doubts and fears I have. I don't spill them into his lap like a can full of garbage when they get too heavy. If I suddenly found myself with an armful of "I don't think I want to be with you", I'd look at it as an indication that this man was too weak to be with me.

Maybe your boyfriend isn't man enough to handle a relationship. You have the power of choice too, you know. I'm sure you're all freaked out about what happened, but after the panic subsides, take a moment to ask yourself if you really want to be with him forever either.

Does he sound like the kind of guy who will be there for you when the going gets tough, or even worse, when the going gets boring? Will he break apart under the pressures of life and leave you with a broken heart when you've got three kids and a mortgage payment to worry about?

[Oasis]

yes your right, it gives me ALOT to think about. Should i repost this in the love advice part? i wanted a guys view as well

[Gigabitch]

No. Never repost. Frasbee will eat you alive.

[Oasis]

oh ok,lol, thanx for the warning

[Mathias]

Me and my Boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. He put a promise ring on my finger the second year.But October 06 we had some of the hardest times,october was a verry stressfull month for both of us, we fought every single day of that month.On halloween we had gotten into an argument over somthing stupid, and i said somthing along the lines of "well if i make you so unhappy then leave me" and thats when he said he didnt know if he wanted to be with me anymore, and was considering leaving me.

Later that night he said he was sorry about the things that he said, but that he had been fearing that he would hurt me while he was away at collage, hurt me by getting into a fight with me over the phone and saying things he didnt mean, or getting drunk and doing somthing he would regret,ect.

After that night things were fine for that week, untill the weekend. We had spent all saturday together,at the end of the day, we were driving when i asked him if he truley wanted to be with me forever,thats when he got quiet, and i asked him to pull over so we could talk.

Then he proceeded to tell me that he wanted to leave me now before he hurt me later.Of corse i was in shock, i started to cry and asked him why. At this he got verry fidgety and kept looking anywhere besides me. He told me that he felt differnt, that he didnt want to be with me forever, that he didnt want anything with me.Shocked i layed my head on his shoulder and cried,wisperd i love you, and after that he grabed me and started crying, not bawling, but crying, hard. He told me he didnt know what he was doing, that he loves me too much to leave me, that in saying those things he realized he wants to be with me forever,and apologised,and asked me to forgive him.

So now its 4 months later and things are great.He has been talking about getting married, having a baby, ect ect, and somtimes asks if i still love him for no reason. These are all good things, but i cant help but to feel scared that he will do the same thing agin, Im scared to trust him FULLY ( im not saying i dont trust him at all) the kind of trust i had for him before, i just feel like he betreayed my trust that day, and i dont ever want to hurt like that agin, i told him that if he wants to leave me, then dont wait, to do it now, and he says things like "No! i love you! Im never going to leave you!" He also refuses to say he almost left me that day, he says he was just being stupid and scared that day.

Guys, what do you think of this? Is it safe for me to trust him as i did before? Have you ever been in this situation?

He probably was being stupid and scared.

If this was an isolated incident, give the guy the benefit of the doubt. We're weird when it comes to commitment. He had issues for a bit.

[Rob26]

You fought every day for a month? Why are you with this guy?

[elNatural]

He obviously has had serious toughts about being with other girls. I do not believe in guys using the excuse of 'not knowing' what they will do as if they have no control over themselves, such ****ing bullshit. I would not fully trust him because he would not feel the need to break up with you if he wanted only you. Long Distance Relationships can work, but they are very hard and will test your feelings but are rewarding in the fact it shows those feelings. If he cannot trust himself then you should not spend any of your time trusting him.

[Henry123]

Its a tough one Oasis. I would wait and see what will happen. Its probably too soon to tell what will happen.
In the back of his mind he did briefly think of leaving you for other girls.

I have my misgivings on long distance relationships. (Its too hard emotionally ) Theres also always the potential for your partner to cheat on you as well. So that should be consider too.

[Junket]

No. Never repost. Frasbee will eat you alive.

No, I prefer to kill my food before I eat it.

[Oasis]

its not long distance or anything

[Gigabitch]

No, it sounds like long distance might be a good thing for you guys- I think that old saying about familiarity breeding contempt is illustrated very well by your relationship.

So, what's going on? Anything new to report?

[Oasis]

Things are good right now, we had a small disagreement the other night, i said somthing that offened him,so he told me i was immature and needed to "get with the program" that i didnt know life, and taht PIssed me off to no end. he thinks he has it so hard, he comes home everday after school and plays his computer games the rest of the day, never has to work or clean, has a full ride through collage from his dad, and he thinks he has it hard bc hes the one Going to collage. I jumed all over him for saying that, ive been through more shit than some one my age should have to go through, how DARE he say that to me, and he knew it. After i didnt say anything for a while on the phone, he was saying sorry, asking me if i still love him, asking me to forgive him....Gah...But other than that incedent, things are great, hes talking about the future, blah blah....I think i have a problem though, im always talking about the Future, and somtimes it bothers him, he says he wants to enjoy now as well , and that talking about the future 24/7 gets old...is that normal? im verry paranoid, so when he said that, i was immeadiatley like "omg he doesnt want to talk about it bc hes going to leave me and there will be no future balh balh" stuff in my head...of corse its just me though, i dont know how to make that part of me shut up