In love with my best friend

[comp_lex]

Once upon a time, A loved B...
As the title suggests, I've fallen in love with my best friend, whom I've known for one year and a half now. We met at university, where he's in all of my classes, so we do all our school work together too, besides from being great friends. I never intended to fall for him, but I guess he's just so irresistibly perfect for me that despite all my precautions I'm in love. I say precautions because I know going from a friendship to a relationship is hard so I have tried as much as possible to avoid getting entangled like this. As for him, he enjoys my company a lot, and I'm pretty sure he likes me physically too - occasionally tells me I look gorgeous, etc; recently we've even gotten a bit touchy-feely: a lot of hugs, stroking backs, arms, giving each other back massages, staying very close, etc. To make a long story short, there's definitely some physical tension between us.

But A had some apprehensions...
So at his point it sounds to you like everything is going normally, and why do I even bother writing? Well, I have two reasons: 1-I'm afraid he has no feelings for me, and 2-no matter what, I want to let him know how I feel. So I need some advice for the first point and a few tips and words of encouragement for the second point. Something like: "Don't worry, honey, if you die, you'll be glad to know it was from a heartbreak!" lol

Let me elaborate:
1. If I didn't know my friend better, I'd say he could be in love with me. That's what his actions suggest. The problem is, he's talked to me in the past about friendships with benefits, and we've argued about whether they work or not. I was against, he was for. So I'm afraid that's what he's really after, even though I've told him clearly I would not agree to that (not necessarily with him, back then it was just a hypothetical conversation - but then nothing is ever purely hypothetical). Then again, I guess if he still hopes for FWB after being told that, I must conclude he's a jerk. How would I go about figuring out his intentions without letting him know too much of my own?

2. One way or the other, I need to let him know I'm interested in a relationship. So how should I tell him? On one hand, I don't want to be too direct, and I would like to keep him as a friend even if he's not interested in anything else. On the other hand, I don't want to be too vague: we're already making enough jokes and allusions to the possibility of us having sex, but that's precisely where I do not want to take the conversation, given the possibility of FWB (there's no way he gets that).

So A asked advice on LF...
So ladies and gent's of the LF board, I come to you seeking some advice, as I've never made a move like this on a guy before. In my more old-fashioned views, wasn't the guy supposed to be the one making the move anyway? But then again, "my" guy is far from being old-fashioned, and I'm not just going to sit around waiting for something that could very well never happen. I might sound cool-blooded about his, but I'm really nervous and don't have a lot of guts.

And A maybe gathered enough courage to avow her love to B...

[Gribble]

These days guys are all a bunch of dandified cowards too afraid to put their balls on the line and ask a girl if she'll go out with 'em. If you like him, what the hell, go for it. Take the initiative, get the ball rolling. Otherwise who knows how long you'll be waiting. More than likely you'll find someone else and he'll be on here posting about this really great girl he knew but never had the courage to approach.

And I'll probably call him a pussy. You don't want me to call your guyfriend a pussy, now do you?

[comp_lex]

No, Gribble, I wouldn't want you to.

Thanks for your words though, you're probably right. He's probably just shy (I'd rather call him that than say he's a pussy), so I need to make the move. I guess I had figured that out. I just need to find out a nice way of doing it.

[Gribble]

Next time the two of you are studying reach across the table, grasp his hand and say, "Ugh! My head's killing me. Let's go get some coffee." Or something. I don't know. I'm not good at being sweet. Make contact with him, though. Smile lots, look into his eyes. Use his name when you address him. Hopefully he'll get the picture.

As for the FWB thing, well, that's tricky. If he was discussing it hypothetically with you I would wager that it was his way of seeing how you'd react before making his move. Be very clear that you aren't looking for cheap sex, but a relationship. And be careful. Some horny guys will say and do anything to get laid. Don't let cheap talk go to your head.

[Taryn]

good luck with that lex, from the sound of it, you shouldn't have too much of a problem there, just ask casually, he is your friend

PS love your AMG avatar

[comp_lex]

Gribble, we're past that part. We're frequently going out for dinner, supper, breakfast, movie, whatever, but I suppose just "as friends", or I'm not too sure what it is anymore. And as for me grasping his hand, it would not be very special: I'm already doing that once in a while. We're really close to each other, and I'll keep it this way for now.

As for cheap sex, I would put that below him. I mean, we've actually slept in the same bed on quite a few occasions (been traveling on a tight budget and rented a room together), but he was never disrespectful or tried to push anything. So he's not after cheap sex. However he believes FWB is a different business.

I agree with you about him trying to see how I reacted to FWB. And I believe my reaction was pretty clear. You know what's funny though? He agrees with me that if a FWB would actually be in fact one-way love, then it would be unfair. So theoretically, he shouldn't want to put me through this. But then again, he might not know I love him.

[comp_lex]

Thanks for the encouragement Taryn. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I agree with you: there shouldn't be too much of a problem. Maybe I'm just being too hopeful though, because I just spent a great evening with him

But there's still the FWB problem. If he was interested in love, and not just benefits, then why is he making more allusions to sex than to love? Maybe just because it's easier to make sexual jokes....hmmm.... (oh, don't get me wrong, he doesn't make easy horny jokes, but just jokes with sometimes barely enough sexual implications or double meaning)

[clynn]

Probably because he's a guy! (the references to sex). Some guys don't feel very comfortable saying lovey dovey words @ this stage with a girl.

Next time you guys tease each other about having sex with each other, you could respond something along the lines of "If you were my boyfriend, we could do all sorts of things!"

[clynn]

And the FWB thing might also be him pushing his limits and testing his boundaries out with you. He may also be shy to out and out admit that he would like you to be his girlfriend.

You sound far too smart and together to get taken by this guy or any other, so I'm sure you'll figure this out.

Looking forward to hearing how it turns out!

[comp_lex]

You sound far too smart and together to get taken by this guy or any other, so I'm sure you'll figure this out.

Really?? I sound smart? Hehe, nice to hear

Probably because he's a guy! (the references to sex).
Next time you guys tease each other about having sex with each other, you could respond something along the lines of "If you were my boyfriend, we could do all sorts of things!"

LOL, good idea!

Thanks Clynn, you sound encouraging. Actually the more elements I analyze, the more I think I must have a chance.

Oh, I must tell you guys about this: this evening he was explaining to me the meaning of "teaser" (actually a french word meaning this as i later found out) and he said for example he would be a teaser if he would make himself desirable without being interested in more. And then he said "but I'm not a teaser, because I am interested in more" and then there was a short awkward pause and then he changed the subject. What did that mean????? Sex or love? Oh, teasing, teasing man!

I have made up my mind to make the move soon though: I give myself a deadline of 2 weeks, because I have to finish my exams first, and then I could take whatever emotional toll is needed.

I'll keep you guys posted. In the meanwhile though, I would still need some advice as to how to get my message across.

[clynn]

he said for example he would be a teaser if he would make himself desirable without being interested in more. And then he said "but I'm not a teaser, because I am interested in more" and then there was a short awkward pause and then he changed the subject.

Oh my G-O-S-H !!!

He was totally putting himself out there on a limb for you! And you didn't say anything?!?!? You didn't respond???? Just left him hanging after he said that.

You should have said "I'm interested in more TOO!"

ha ha, yes the ball is definitely in YOUR court now!

[comp_lex]

Oh, but I was in such a state of amazement/disbelief when I heard this that I was speechless!!! And before I knew what was going on he changed he subject. But I wouldn't have known what to say anyways. Now that I can think calmly about it I can come up with quite a few interesting things I could have said. But one the spot: absolutely nothing came to my mind!!!!

I can kick myself as much as I want now, that opportunity is gone now. Oh well, I'll just have to create another one.

[Only-virgins]

These days guys are all a bunch of dandified cowards too afraid to put their balls on the line and ask a girl if she'll go out with 'em.

Just like you, ofcourse you will deny it with an entire bucket of excuses here over the internet.

[Only-virgins]

Make contact with him, though. Smile lots, look into his eyes. Use his name when you address him. Hopefully he'll get the picture.

He won't, what the hell dude...all the girls do that with me. Most people when they talk with someone they address them by their name and make eye contact out of courtesy. Who are they going to address them by? Zoltar?

[comp_lex]

Make contact with him, though. Smile lots, look into his eyes. Use his name when you address him. Hopefully he'll get the picture.

He won't, what the hell dude...all the girls do that with me. Most people when they talk with someone they address them by their name and make eye contact out of courtesy. Who are they going to address them by? Zoltar?

I think what Gribble meant was to make more eye contact with him than somebody would just out of courtesy. Unfortunately he had a good point about calling "my guy" by his name: I am not doing this very often as he himself has remarked recently. So I am trying to use his name more since, though it sounds a bit strange given that I usually do it so rarely. But I guess that's the point: surprising him.