Where to next?

[Ongadongabonga]

Yesterday my girlfriend said that she wanted to break up with me. She said that she'd still like to have me as a friend but that she'd need to some time before that could happen (which is fair enough).

However, later that night she sent me message that she'd like to meet me and to have a talk (if that was alright with me). We didn't get to do that on account of us being kind of busy, tired and sick and so we've organised to meet tomorrow.

Honestly, I'm really kind of sad that she wanted to break up but I could also see some merit in her reasons. Her reasons were basically, although we get along really well and have heaps in common, it was just missing that extra something.

If it wasn't me she was breaking up with I would have found the whole situation kind of funny because she couldn't actually tell me that she wanted to break up. I just read it on her face when we met up and asked her why. Even then she was fighting hard not to cry. (although don't really know what usually happens when people break up since this was sort of the first relationship I've ever had - but you'd think the person doing the breaking up wouldn't be so upset).

I have had certain issues to deal with (that are almost over and dealt with) that I've never told her about which have made it hard for me to just be myself while we've been together (and I have a feeling that that's what caused the whole relationship to not have that extra something).

Anyway, my question is this - what to do or say when I meet her tomorrow? What should I expect from her?

[Glyph]

Of course people who do the breaking up can feel bad about it. I broke it off with my ex, and I cried all the way through it. What's the saying? "What is easy isn't always right, and what is right isn't always easy." So although she knew that the relationship was missing something - and most likely wanted to call it off before more time passed and it was more painful for you and herself - I'm sure she had a hard time with it.

As for the meeting tomorrow, who knows? What I do know is that often, your first instincts are correct. She felt that something was missing and broke off your relationship; however, because it hurt to do it, she might second guess herself and think it means she should salvage the relationship. But you yourself say that you could see her reasoning, that the relationship was just lacking that je ne sais quoi.

Emotions are high right now, so if her intention is to get back together, hold it off. Spend some time apart, allow the decision to sink in and have some weight. After that, if there's still something pulling you back together, re-examine.

[clynn]

I ditto Glyph

[Gigabitch]

Why are you blaming yourself for the failure of the relationship? I'm intrigued about these issues that made it impossible to be yourself. You can post them, you know. Nobody knows who you are.

From your tone, I gather you're not actually all that upset about the breakup. Is that true?