Devastated

[Tiay]

yeah, the deadline is totally counterproductive. You totally have the right to dump him over that. Or you could give him another chance to be properly supportive.. is he worth that?
I assume that this fear is something that you even recognise as being largely illogical, but still can't get rid of it. I mean to some extent all virgins have this fear, but it isn't big enough to stop them.

[naoki322]

i think sex is good for a relationship, but definetley not when he's pretty much pressuring you into it. talk over it with him that you're just not ready yet. and if he can't deal with that. dump him. and find someone that can respect when you're ready to have sex.

[Gigabitch]

**** him, and I DON'T mean that literally.

What a dick. Aren't you lucky he's making it so easy to be rid of him? Save yourself for a nice, gentle, understanding sweetie who will take his time with you.

Then call your soon-to-be ex and tell him how good it was.

[Only-virgins]

**** him, and I DON'T mean that literally.

What a dick. Aren't you lucky he's making it so easy to be rid of him? Save yourself for a nice, gentle, understanding sweetie who will take his time with you.

Then call your soon-to-be ex and tell him how good it was.

This is why Gigabitch rocks. Listen to her and you will always be well off.

[Tiay]

Then call your soon-to-be ex and tell him how good it was.

I love it!

[Charlie Boy II]

I feel sorry for the guy! Two years!! All because of an irrational phobia that she won't get help for.

He probably looks at sex for her like a 10m diving board at the pool. She's too scared to jump, even though deep down she wants the experience and there's no realistic danger. If he can just push her off once, the thrill of the fall will flood any lingering fears and she'll have conquered her phobia. The deadline is his way of pushing her off the 10m diving board.

Instead, for two years, he's watched her walk to the edge and peer over at the chlorinated water below before shambling back and climbing down the ladder to the mocking cries of the other children.

Poster's boyfriend - Charlie Boy salutes you!

[vashti]

I have a fear, I do desire sex and with him but his hurtful comments are pushing me away from him and I really wish he would be more supportive. A 'deadline' is not going to make me relax.

Perhaps your hesitancy is really just your good sense telling you he isn't the one to give it up for.

[Glyph]

Yeah, he hung around two years like a ****ing dipshit. And I don't buy for a second that it was because he "loved" her. You don't give people you love ultimatums. You just don't. Hell, I never gave my ex ultimatums when it came to his incessant gaming and using our house as a 24-hour social club. I asked him to please tone it down some. And I kept asking. When he didn't, I left. No "You must choose your games and friends, or me". I knew what his choice was when three years passed without the slightest change.

If he'd have grown some ****ing balls and simply said, "You know, I just don't think we're really compatible", fine. Ultimatums are for people who don't have the scrote enough to go one way or the other, and chance the risk that that person might've changed his or her mind soon after the decision was made.

She's afraid to have sex. So be it; other people have had that fear, I'm sure more will in the future. If she was afraid to walk out of her house or afraid of heights yet had a job as a jet-set executive, I could see there being a dire need to straighten it out. People will not DIE if they don't have sex.

This guy wasn't pushing her to conquer her fear because he gave a shit about her. He was doing it because he wanted ass. Which is understandable, but that's why I said he should've had the balls to either accept that she'd come around to it in her own time, or that he needed to go elsewhere and find someone who could accommodate him. The ultimatum took him from average sexually active guy to utter prick.

You're better off, Claire.

[Charlie Boy II]

Claire, listen to me Claire, jump off the diving board. Meet that deadline.

[Junket]

Actually, I gave my girlfriend an ultimatum (before we were officially together).

Was basically "all or nothing".

She pulled the "I don't want to lose your friendship", I told her I couldn't be friends with her, we were past the "let's just be friends" point when started getting intimate.

So I got up and left.

Unfair?

Yeah, maybe, but that's just life sometimes.

Worked out in the end though...

[Converse]

It doesn't even hurt that much, meet the deadline he might give you a cookie lol.

Serriously though do what-ever you feel is right.

He waited for 2 years, he must love her then. Personally I couldn't wait that long.

[clynn]

It is true.

One would think (after 2 years) he must have deeper feelings than just getting some.....if it were just sex he were after I would imagine he could find someone more willing to let it go.

I was a year and a half with my first boyfriend before we had sex. The main reason I didn't was because I was scared of it hurting.

And, yah, it did hurt but it was totally worth it (obviously).

But it has got to be your own decision, in your own time.

[Tiay]

ultimatums aren't wrong in general, imo. Glyph; you may not have said "me or your games, or i'll leave in x amount of time" but that's what you did, isn't it? An ultimatum is basically just saying "I can't take this situation.. I need it to change or I can't stay with you, but I know it can't change right away, so I will wait X time"
btw, my bf waited.. I think it was actually more than 2 years.

[Gigabitch]

I can see him saying he's leaving her because he doesn't want to have a non-sexual relationship.

I can see him thinking that her fears are irrational and annoying and, ultimately, unendurable.

I do NOT think it's acceptable for him to say, "Open your legs or I'm outta here."

She. Is. Not. Ready.

[Tiay]

yeah, you're right, the ultimatum is sooo the wrong thing here.