Can't believe it's come to this..

[Alaskan]

Guess if I haven't had three glasses of wine I would not even be doing this. I know, three glasses of wine. I'm a weenie what can I say. I don't smoke or drink. I guess what I'm doing is feeling sorry for myself. I'm a good man, never cheated on my wife, always help with the house work, always go out of my way to make the wife happy, but for what? Seems she is "tired" of the marriage. She says there is no one else which I believe and I have a nice home all paid for and several cars and trucks, all paid for. I drive a five year old truck and always make sure she had the new vehicle so she is safe and won't break down in our Alaskan winters. Thought I had did everything a man is suppose to do to make a woman happy. But!!!!!!!!! She is not happy. Looks like a divorce is on it's way for sure. How many times can a heart be broken before it will not heal? I wonder. I'm 56 years old which is to old to find happiness again I think. Who in the hell wants a 56 year old man with high blood pressure, over weight and hair that is more gray than blond? What does a man my age do when something like this happens? I'm not the type to go to bars and pick up women. Not that I couldn't use some.... closeness? I mean it's been three years now. (Wife is going through the mid life thing} Understandable I suppose. Still if I'm going to feel sorry for myself I may go all the way. Right? What gets me is from my job, which I won't get into I know there are a ton of women out there who are looking for that "Special Someone" what ever that means. Don't smoke, don't drink, one woman man, likes to go to church, loves kids, not afraid to work, likes to travel but also stay at home and just watch "Chick Flicks" which I must admit I like. Anything to bring a tear to my eye I like. Still, when a woman has that she is not happy! How does a man deal with that? Now I'm an educated man and I know that no one is perfect. That is a fact of life. But I also know that and I have made sacrifices to make sure that my wife is happy above and beyond. I guess you would have to know what my occupation is to understand. (I'm not telling.)

Some of you may be wondering if I'm telling the truth. Maybe I'm abusive? Maybe I'm into drugs? Maybe I'm into weird sex? Drink? Go out with the boys? Let me assure you none of the above is true. I think I'm really not a bad catch at all. No, I don't have a six pack stomach. No, I'm not six foot two and young dark and handsome but damn I'm not that bad. Everyone seems to like me and I get along with everyone. In the small town I live in everyone knows me and likes to be around me. It's not because I'm fake, it's because I care and they can feel it. Well, almost everyone that is. I guess the old saying "you can't make everyone happy" is true after all.

It's sad because when your married it takes two people to work full time to make a marriage work. When one decides that she doesn't want to spend the effort there is nothing left that the other person can do. I guess life has its way.

So..... to sum it all up what am I saying? To be honest I don't know myself. Like I told you I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Next step is to wait to be served. She can have everything, I just want to get it over with. What good is a home without someone to share it with anyway? I guess I will hit the road and travel to the lower 48 States and see if I can find some little out of the way place where I can spend the rest of my life in peace. Maybe I will come across some nice new friends. Maybe, like the movie where I am is "as good as it gets?" Time will tell as well as heal I suppose but the idea of going out the way I came in... alone, is hard to think about. Maybe I need another glass of wine..

Some of this may not make much sense and I'm sure my spelling is bad so forgive me. It's one of those nights.

Well, heads spinning, hearts broken, I'll end here and thank who ever takes the time to read this for putting up with me.

Broken in Alaska.
Alaskan...

[sfalexi]

Who in the hell wants a 56 year old man with high blood pressure, over weight and hair that is more gray than blond?

A fifty year old woman whose husband left her for someone else. Or who is widowed. Or for some other reason single. Trust me, no matter WHAT your condition, there's people out there that will be willing to give you a chance.

What does a man my age do when something like this happens?

After the divorce, usually they feel sorry for themselves for a little bit and lament for a short time (understandable) but hopefully they pick up and move on. That's what you're gonna have to do.

Don't smoke, don't drink, one woman man, likes to go to church, loves kids, not afraid to work, likes to travel but also stay at home and just watch "Chick Flicks" which I must admit I like. Anything to bring a tear to my eye I like. Still, when a woman has that she is not happy! How does a man deal with that?

Then it's not a match. Find a woman that does want that. Apparantly that's not enough for her. Or maybe she doesn't want that. Just don't spend your time trying to find out, cause chances are (especially with a mid-life crisis situation), you'll NEVER know what's going on in their head. You just have to be able to look past it and not keep WANTING to know.

I guess I will hit the road and travel to the lower 48 States and see if I can find some little out of the way place where I can spend the rest of my life in peace. Maybe I will come across some nice new friends.

If you can afford to, moving and starting 'fresh' may not be a bad idea. You leave behind the things that trigger memories that will keep you from moving on. And sometimes we all need a 'fresh start' of sorts. And if you are as well liked and easy to get along with as you say you are, then you should have no problem starting out somewhere. Maybe not at first as you might still be recovering from the divorce, but just remember that no matter what, life goes on. You can spend it wallowing in misery, or you can try to make the best of what time you have left. Personally, I'd opt for option number two.

Hang in there.

Alexi