Sex, Power, and College Relationships

[bohemiandonut]

Okay I'm going to try to make this succinct.

Beautiful girlfriend of... since september. Sex with her is fun. She is healthy and generally good-natured. But...

She often (especially during that time of the month) brings up our relationship and how we're "probably not going to get married" and whether we're too close to eachother/isolating ourselves/yada yada yada. I usually respond with "look we can both do whatever we want in this relationship and are both free to leave so what is the point of going on about this?" One time I made a great point of:

"In 10 years, will it really matter whether we completely figured out our relationship this evening?" - and that seemed to shut her up for a while.

But I have a tendency to get easily hurt by her. I have to continuously eat more and more protein so I can be more stoic and manly and it sucks. Like right now she is visiting with family, been gone for a few days. Before she left she was really hungover and I took care of her, did her laundry, and cleaned vomit out of her car. Super compassionate. Then yesterday (Mon) she's about to leave for camping with no phone reception till thursday. Sunday she said she would call that night or the next morning. She didn't. I call her at 12:30 no answer she calls back leaves msg. I call her back and this is how the convo went:

Her: ...Hello?
- Hey! What's going on?
- What?
- What's going on?
- Oh we're just about to go up. I should probably go. in background: ...you can talk!...
- Okay. Bye!
- Bye.

Then I slowly started to get really pissed off. So I call back and her phone was off. I left a msg saying that it made me feel really shitty that she wouldn't talk to me for a few seconds if she could have. Then I was really pissed off so I got extremely drunk and high and then wrote her a text message saying "Just kidding."

She won't get these messages until thursday. Now I don't know what to feel. Like a stupid emotional pussy ass mostly. Anyway I also had a dream the night before the phone call that we broke up and it was super realistic so I was upset even before all this went down.

Any thoughts on how I should clear all this up?

[Steve2004]

...yes. stop dating her. she doesn't sound like she's being a very nice person


ps. where the eff have you been? i'm genuinely upset

[Junket]

Donut!!!!!!!!!

[misombra]

who are you?

[bohemiandonut]

You are all oh so helpful.

[Steve2004]

that's what the introduction thread is for. you say that you're back. we get over the initial shock THERE..THEN you come here and ask for advice. and we can give it (:

[meh]

Stop drinking like a pig.

And the "where is this relationship heading" talks are important to women. The terse one-liners that get them off your back do nothing to help the relationship. The next time she brings it up, don't act reluctant to talk about it. Have at least something constructive/insightful to say about it.

Alternatively, when she brings it up, depending on how supporting of you she is, you could try to act like you have insecurities of your own so perhaps she will man up and put the doubts away.

As for the phone call - you're actually the one who said "bye". If the way you said it is the way it really happened, she didn't know "she could talk" until after she said she should go. There's of course the tone of the voice as well but I think you're reading too much into it all.

Luckily the message you sent wasn't "having fun with your orgy, you skanky whore?", considering you were extremely drunk and high.

Just wait until she's back, do something nice for her (cleaning vomit and all is nice too, but that's not really something you can talk about later in a romantic voice), try to leave your doubts/anger etc aside, and if she brings up the "oh no we won't be married" thing again, talk to her about it then.

[bohemiandonut]

Would it change things if I said that I am psychic and that the last two times my bike tire exploded I had dreams the night before about getting a flat?

I'm really worried this might be a premonition. ALTHOUGH, she might just be PMS'ing! I hate the fact that I tried so hard not to get entagled in all of this lovey insecure bullshit again but it's NO USE.

PMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPM SPMSPMSPMSPMSPMSPSMPSM

you'd be amazed how fast I typed that ^

EDIT: She's not PMS'ing. I checked the calender.

I still want more opinions.

[clynn]

If you didn't want to break up, why didn't you have the serious conversations with her?

[Junket]

Donut abandoned us a long time ago. I remember his "goodbye" thread.

[bohemiandonut]

I had a goodbye thread?

Oh time, ye nebulous demon.

[Junket]

Maybe not a whole thread, but I specifically remember you saying you were gonna leave loveforum.

Anyway, to your situation...that looks tough, she's the type that's afraid to get close. Afraid to "lose control". My girlfriend was like that initially. Likes to keep a cap on her behavior and emotions. Really, it's only a problem she can honestly deal with, there's not much you can do.

It also seems to me she's starting to take you for granted. Her words and actions are getting to you, and she knows it, whether she'll admit it or not.

If you're look for concrete advice, I haven't got any for you.

Diagnosis Complete.

Seriously now, I think you're smart enough to figure out how to deal with her.

[DoesntMatter]

Well bohemiandonut, I normally wouldn't post a reply on a thread like this because I have no idea. I wish I could give you good advice like you gave me

Maybe she is just going through a stage, like someone else said girls apparently do in relationships (where is this headed?). Or things are just going downhill. If it is the first, things might eventually improve. If it's the second, she might cut it off sometime soon. Like I said I have no idea, sorry

What I can tell you is I hope you know how you act when you are high on whatever. Certain things would have made me go kamikaze apeshit in that situation.

[misombra]

girls are fickle bitches, remember?

[Steve2004]

true that. this seems like the normal way of things to me. it just seems like the boys dont ever get mad about it. Call her out.