I love my boyfriend but fancy another man......HELP!!

[Golden01]

Hi Everyone,

I really hope I can get some advice on my problem from you all, I'm soooo confused.

I'm 22 and I've been with my boyfriend since I was 16. We have been incredibly in love for 6 years and I can honestly say he makes me one of the happiest girls in the world! Recently we moved in together and it's been really really fun, although the washing up and housework has caused a few arguments and for some reason our sex life has nearly dried up (although when we do have sex it's great).
However over the past 2 or 3 months (same amount of time we've been living together) I have had this massive crush on our electrician! He's so gorgeous and so sweet and funny. My boyfriend is all of these things, but for some reason all I want to do is snog the face off this other bloke!
I don't know what to think. I'm not going to leave my boyfriend, especially on a whim but whenever we have an argument or things aren't quite right I find myself fantasising about this other guy. If i'm truthfull I actually think about him even if things with my boyfriend are going well.

I'm not a bad person and would never cheat or hurt anyone. I don't like feeling like this. Any advice please???

[anachronistic]

Congratulations on the 6 years of success.

It will take a while to get used to living with eachother, as you may already know.

About the electrician, I really suggest that you stay away from him and avoid him. If you did anything you'd surely lose the trust of your boyfriend, and you'd break his heart. It's not something worth ruining a relationship for.

[Only-virgins]

Who the hell has a regular electrician these days? As if you needed one everyday or something. You won't get anywhere if you decide to "snog the face" of this other guy (If I think that means what I think it means). If you do then you have to be honest with your boyfriend and maybe end the relationship. Otherwise you cannot back stab people.

[Golden01]

I don't want to hurt or cheat and I won't. I'm just worried that I'm feeling like this towards another guy, does that mean that I don't love my boyfriend?

Another thing that bothers me is that whenever I tell people i've been with him since I was 16 they all look so shocked and say how young I was and don't i think I've missed out on things? I don't think this but the more I hear it the more I question it and how do I know that things couldn't be better with someone else when I've only ever been with one person?

[Only-virgins]

I don't want to hurt or cheat and I won't. I'm just worried that I'm feeling like this towards another guy, does that mean that I don't love my boyfriend?

Another thing that bothers me is that whenever I tell people i've been with him since I was 16 they all look so shocked and say how young I was and don't i think I've missed out on things? I don't think this but the more I hear it the more I question it and how do I know that things couldn't be better with someone else when I've only ever been with one person?

Well, it sounds to me like you have a great relationship with this guy...so what if you go out to find out what you missed out on and to see if thing can be better and they are not? then you can't go back to the way things used to be. Trust me, from the sound of it you seem happy with your boyfriend...don't do this to him and yourself. It is not worth it and you are not missing out on anything. If you still love your boyfriend only you can know.

People always say that bullshit to people, you have been missing out or something blah blah blah. There is always someone with a different point of view, don't let them sway you to their side. It isn't worth it cause from the looks of it there are people out there looking hard to get what you already have and they are having trouble finding it.

[meh]

Having crushes like that and being infatuated sometimes is perfectly normal in a relationship. Fantasying about him isn't that horrible anyway, the key is not to act on any of this.

All you have to do is sit yourself down and think about what it would be like if you did go through with any of it? You'd ruin your relationship, you'd break the heart of your boyfriend of 6 years, you'd end up feeling guilty and miserable.

Also, you hardly know that other person, and he might just turn out to be an idiot once you get to know him.

The problems you are having with your boyfriend are normal for when people first move in together. Start from there, try to be understanding, kind, try to avoid arguments until the tension decreases.

Then you can start working on your sex life and before you know it, the other guy will be out of your mind.

Anyway, don't beat yourself up about it, it's not abnormal, you aren't a horrible person for feeling this way and you do love your boyfriend.

[vashti]

Crushes are normal. I've had a big crush on George Clooney for years. I've also had crushes on people who were more accessible to me. The catch is, you have to understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and you have to never allow them to become confused.

[Tiay]

yup, so, everyone's telling you you're too young and missing out and all that. I've felt this way too.
When you're in that situation for a while, "being single" becomes a distorted vision; single me has a bounce in her step, has a vibrant social life, laughs more, is sexier, and can date all these hot guys.
But you know what? The REAL single me would be the exact same, only without this great guy in my life, and heartbroken to boot.

[thefallenheart]

you have been with someone for 6 years and you 'fancy someone else'?

ever heard of the word 'fidelity'? faith? loyalty even?

in this day and age of corse not.

in this day and age such words are as neutral as rock or deapth. try showing the same faith in him as he does in you.

[anachronistic]

I don't want to hurt or cheat and I won't. I'm just worried that I'm feeling like this towards another guy, does that mean that I don't love my boyfriend?

Another thing that bothers me is that whenever I tell people i've been with him since I was 16 they all look so shocked and say how young I was and don't i think I've missed out on things? I don't think this but the more I hear it the more I question it and how do I know that things couldn't be better with someone else when I've only ever been with one person?

DO NOT let other peoples opinions and beliefs affect your own. True love gives ability to withstand all that.

Some people feel crushes for other people when they're in love, and some do not. The weaker of the two is the one that goes and breaks their lovers hearts. Do not be weak.

[DoesntMatter]

Well, what specifically are you "missing out on" that you otherwise would have had if you had not been in this relationship? I don't think you are missing out on anything that significant. Then again I don't know your lifestyle.

[anachronistic]

Well, what specifically are you "missing out on" that you otherwise would have had if you had not been in this relationship? I don't think you are missing out on anything that significant. Then again I don't know your lifestyle.

Betraying one's lover by kissing another person is similar to selling one's car for a full tank of gas.


The people, which I am assuming are friends, who are trying to convince her that she is missing out on things are guilty of trying to beckon her from her self-found happiness, which is not something a TRUE friend would do.


In all originality, I believe that you, Golden01, meant that you would never hurt your boyfriend in such a way, and that you come here, struck with a feeling of guilt, disbelieving that your love is not credible. If that is so, take this piece of advice:

Ask yourself,
"Do I really want to kiss the electrician, or does he give me the desire to kiss my boyfriend?"

then ask yourself "Is there something missing in my relationship, that is causing however I feel?"

Hopefully, you can convince yourself that one way, or another, the electrician is a symbolic mediator between you and your boyfriend, representing your wants and needs from your boyfriend. And once you convince yourself that, you have the will to talk to your boyfriend, and ask him what kind of things you guys can do to make eachother happy.

Bottom line: I am sure this is just a result of moving in together, and missing some of the things that disappeared since that happened. Communication is the key to a successful relationship with anyone.

[Golden01]

To everyone who replied to my message:

Thankyou!

After reading what you all said i realised that although the electrician was hot he isn't the person i'm in love with and that the reason my attention strayed was just because of the stress of moving in together and things changing.

Last night I told my boyfriend I wasn't feeling as happy as i had expected to from moving in with him and that although I still loved him I felt that things could be better. We had a massive talk and realised that we'd been neglecting our relationship and taking each other for granted. He was so sweet and lovely and I feel like we understand each other a bit better and that things will get back on track soon.

The electrician came round today, I was on my own in the house again (the reason we have a regular electrician is that we have just moved into an old dump and are re-doing it, all the electrics, light fittings, plugs etc have to be rewired and replaced) and i found myself chatting to him like a friend and not feeling the usual jump in my tummy that I got whenever I talked to him. I also noticed things about him that I hadn't noticed that i wasn't so keen on - the amount of tatoos he has and the way he was actually quite arrogant!

So there you go, I feel more confident in my relationship because you guys have pointed out some very important facts and i know that i'm not missing out on anything, it's just the way if you hear something over and over again you start to believe it, and I'm glad you have bought me back to reality!

Anyway, sorry to have written an essay, thankyou again!!

Golden01 xx

[anachronistic]

See? I told you so.

[Only-virgins]

That's why we are here/