It's over.

[simplified]

This is my first post on this site, so bear with me on some of it, but I need to tell the story to someone and hear some of what they have to say because I just don't feel like it's right the way this one ended.

I'm young. For the sake of privacy, I'm not 20 years old yet. Me and my ex had been dating for most of high school. It was a long distance relationship, and when we met, we were both pure hearts, young, eager to please the other. It went so well for about a year and a half. Then, this past December, she broke it off with me, because she felt like she had been with me through all of her years, and wanted to "live her life". Like everything else in the relationship, I gave her what she wanted, hoping that she would find happiness in whatever she chose and desired to do.

A month later, in January, she came back to me, telling me what a fool she was. She couldn't believe she had done what she did, and she wanted me back, this time for good. During that time, I had done a little dating, and so had she, and up until about March, everything felt like new again. The fire was back.

Then came more problems. Because she was maintaining contact with some of the guys she had been on dates with, and because some of those conversations (in my humble opinion) crossed the line, I began to have trust issues, which I communicated to her. I had cut off contact with the girls I had been prospective about...couldn't she do the same for me?

Well, it took a while, but she finally saw it through my eyes and saw how I felt about it. But then, we broke it off again, for the same reasons she cited in December. She needed to "live her life" and "learn to stand on her own two feet". In hindsight, it seems like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too--she wanted to have my love and loyalty, but she also wanted to experiment around out there and see what other guys were saying about her. Unfortunately, when she came to the fork in the road, she chose the path of the rest of the world. I understand her decision, and that's a fact. But what I don't understand is how someone like me, who poured their heart and soul into that relationship and gave up a LOT of things to that person (everything, if you catch my drift; both of us were virgins) to make us both happy and to keep taking steps in it, can end up where I am right now. All I ever tried to do for that girl was make her happy, and I was so ecstatic that I had caught her before she had gotten hurt out there by what we all know IS out there. I thought, in the beginning, that I was going to be able to protect this beautiful thing from all the filth that spews from the world of adolescence and young adults, and that she would only know happiness and love from me. Sure, I made my mistakes, who hasn't? But I never made a mistake that I didn't own up to, right in front of her, and ask for her forgiveness and try to talk about it.

We broke up about a month ago, and what news I've heard of her has brought tears to my eyes...she's been caught up in the very tempest of what I was trying to shield her from. She's so different then what she was. I've gotten over her, because I know now that even if she did come back she wouldn't be what she was before...but I still mourn for that teenager that I gave her first kiss to, who had those bright eyes and quick smile.

Did I fail?

[dashT]

In my opinion you didn't fail.....it was all her doing and you did everything you could to make the relationship work. In the end, it was all her decision, and you can't really stop anyone from being and acting what they want to, even if you did...the relationship wouldn't last because of what she really intended on doing. It's hard to get over something like that..but it's a good step to admit you're over her...

[vashti]

You simply outgrew each other, which is to be expected of teenage lovers.

I suggest you work on that need to "rescue" people, though. Those relationships never work out well. You should strive for attachment to someone who doesn't need rescuing.

[Gigabitch]

You failed to keep her from experiencing life. You failed at limiting her growth.

Are you afraid of the world? I think you should follow her example and get out there. You have a lot to learn.

[Junket]

I suggest you read "The World According to Garp" by John Irving.