Please help me, this is has been eating away at me

[nfgfan]

First of i'd like to say im new to the forum but i really need advice because i feel very depressed...

Me and my girlfriend have been going out almost 5 months now and a few days ago she was at myhouse and we were kissing and then she just started crying, i kept asking her what was wrong and she would say nothing or its no big deal, after a while she finally said i love you. As almost an instant response i replied the same way. About two days later she asked me if i really meant it and i told her i had said that only b/c she had and that i did it because i did not want to hurt her feelings. Since then she has gotten very upset and has told me she couldn't trust me because i would say something like this and not mean it. After trying to to explain that i had never been in a serious relationship before and that those words didn't mean as much to me as it did to her(she has been in a serious relationship prior to me about 2 yrs on and off). Next day i saw her at school it just akward we would walk togther but say nothing to each other. Later that night we texted eacher other for an hour or so. I told her that i don't know what my feelings mean, i know that she makes me smile and im very happy around her and the thought of being without her crushes me. Finally she wrote me a letter saying that she doesn't want anything to change between us, she also said she thought at first she just loved me as a friend but realized that she loves me like nobody she has ever loved before. Today at school we acted as if this had not happened, i know that she doesn't want to talk about this matter anymore because it makes her upset,now i feel terrible that she feels like she does and i dont know what my emotions and feelings mean, like i said i she makes me happy and smile, and i can't imagine being without her, i would like to say i love her but i really want to mean it and i just dont know what im sppost to feel when i do, somebody please help i cant stop thinking about this.
Thankyou for taking the time to read this, this mean more then you can imagine, thanks and please respond

[squirrley]

aww-this is tuff-i dont know from a guys perspective here-but from a girls:shes hurt. Im assuming she thought when she told you shed get it back and she did-but in the wrong context. That hurts a woman-hell it would hurt a guy too. But I give you credit for being honest with her within those couple of days. When youre IN that moment what are you suppose to do-its like shock set in or something-

IT sounds like you really have strong emotions for your girfriend...and dont really know how to handle your own emotions. But I would evaluate them for yourself. I think when youre in love you know it. You just feel it-you sense it...but if this is your first real relationship and youre unsure yourself its easy to second guess what it is youre feeling-infatuation or what not. Your girlfriend doesnt want your relationship to change but it has-its gone to another level and believe me she will be thinking about this for awhile-in the back of her head she will be wondering what is wrong with her-why doesnt he love me-it has changed. What she doesnt want to change is LOSING you. I wouldnt worry too much-youre there you didnt bail on her or go running when she told you-but think about what you feel-what are those feelings...get with someone you know who is in love and see what they say! Kinda get some feedback. But dont close off the communication with your girlfriend-dont shut yourself off. Let her know how much you care about it and whatever else you were saying before-but its also good youre not throwing that statement around loosely. Dont. Say it only IF YOU TRULY MEAN IT!

Goodluck!

[nfgfan]

anyone else, plz help and to update a little, today again everything seems like it was before but it just doesn't seem right that she feels like she does and is hidding and pretending like nothing has changed(this is what i think, she feels) im just keep on thinking about this, but when im with her i am very happy and try to pretend as if nothing has happened, and one last thing a few times since this whole incedent i have felt like telling her i love her when i give her a hug (btw: hugging her makes me feel closer to her) but i dont know if i mean it so i dont say it, thanks in advance for your help

[BillyGalbreath]

Ok dude - You must be a young one - I am just assuming tho since you did not post your age. But there are many things in life that no one can tell you how they work, or how to do it, or what it is. Many many things are like this. The older you get the more you start to find these things. Some are huge things. Some are small. Love is one of the HUGEest things that I have found so far. No one can tell you what it is, or how it works, or explain it in any form or fashion. There are simply no words for it at all. But once you are in love - you will know it - you may not realize it - but you do know it.

Most ppl will say if you ask yourself if your inlove and you dont know, then your not. This is not always intirely true. You want to know how I found out I was in love ? I knew it for a few months before I figured it out. But I cant explain that part to you - you will have to figure out what I mean on your own some day - but how I figured out I was in love was very simple. Someone asked me 'What do you see in her ? Why do you like her so much ? Are you in love ?" Thats the key right there - you can ask yourself those questions and you cant think straight - but when someone asked you those questions when your off guard - then the truth comes out. No, Not out of your mouth in the form of words. Love cannot be expressed thru such methods. But the thoughts that go thru your mind when they ask you those questions is what gives it all away. You, inside yourself, will realize right then and there if you are truely in love. You want to know what I felt and thought ? Nothing. I could not think of any answer at all. "I don't know. I just do." was my response, but inside I felt my heart get all warmed up and filled with joy. It was one of the best moments of my life. You just feel it. Look deep down inside yourself, and you will find it. Sometimes it just catches you off guard. But if you are truely in love, it is there. You know your in love. You just havent realized it yet.

[WindyCityLane]

Hmm, I told my husband I loved him long before he returned the sentiment. I didn't mean to, it just fell out of my mouth and then it kept falling out even though he didn't say it back. And every time it came out I was embarrassed and a little hurt (my own issues) that he didn't love me back. This has only happened to me with my husband. I had never before him told anyone I loved him before he told me but the feeling was so out of control with my him I couldn't even believe it when I heard it out of my mouth. Well, when he did get around to saying it, I didn't know how to feel about it because I had some resentment about it taking him so long to come to the realization that he was in love when I was head over heels immediately and he seemed to be by the way he treated our relationship and me. It was definitely bittersweet but it is what it is. He loves me and I have to respect that he waited until he was absolutely sure he was beyond infatuation before telling me, hopefully your girlfriend realized that and that's why she doesn't want to keep going back and forth about it. Be sure that you reassure her of your feelings when you can-not when she says she loves you but when the thought crosses your mind that you can't imagine being without, let her know so that she knows you're taking those words very seriously and when she hears them she'll believe you.

[nfgfan]

thankyou so much for everyone that took the time to read and to reply, this has made me feel a lot better, i would like to hear more if at all possible, thanks again to everyone

[nfgfan]

Hmm, I told my husband I loved him long before he returned the sentiment. I didn't mean to, it just fell out of my mouth and then it kept falling out even though he didn't say it back. And every time it came out I was embarrassed and a little hurt (my own issues) that he didn't love me back. This has only happened to me with my husband. I had never before him told anyone I loved him before he told me but the feeling was so out of control with my him I couldn't even believe it when I heard it out of my mouth. Well, when he did get around to saying it, I didn't know how to feel about it because I had some resentment about it taking him so long to come to the realization that he was in love when I was head over heels immediately and he seemed to be by the way he treated our relationship and me. It was definitely bittersweet but it is what it is. He loves me and I have to respect that he waited until he was absolutely sure he was beyond infatuation before telling me, hopefully your girlfriend realized that and that's why she doesn't want to keep going back and forth about it. Be sure that you reassure her of your feelings when you can-not when she says she loves you but when the thought crosses your mind that you can't imagine being without, let her know so that she knows you're taking those words very seriously and when she hears them she'll believe you.

Hey windycitylane since it seems that you have been in a similar situation you can please tell me more of how you felt, how long before he said it, did you pretend with him that everything was back to normal(when you told him and he didn't say it back), etc... thanks in advanced

[WindyCityLane]

It was a good four months before he returned the sentiment and though I never made an issue out of his not returning the sentiment (the answer to your question is "yes, I acted completely unphased") I did tell myself that he just hadn't realized it yet but that I could tell he was in love with me too. That's why I said you should let her know how you feel when you have good thoughts about you guys. He would always tell me how things were so perfect and how he didn't want to be with any one else or he couldn't see himself not with me. He would say he never thought he'd find a relationship like ours and that though he thought we'd be good together he didn't think we would be this good together. I did try my best to keep from saying it because I didn't want him to feel he had to say it back but like I said, I couldn't help myself. I'm sure if she feels your feelings for her, even if you're not ready to tell her you love her, she'll be okay and things will be fine. Don't share your feeling with her like you feel guilty because of what happened. Any talk about it that is not a spontaneous utterance of how your feeling at the moment will seemed contrived and like you're trying too hard, that will make things uncomfortable. I waited four months to hear those words but when I realized early on he wasn't ready to say them after I did, despite my hurt it didn't matter as long as the relationship still felt so good and it did, and it still does. Sorry I haven't been on in a few days, we're getting some work done on the house and it has me crazy!