Will I do this to everyone?

[rumrunner]

Hi all.

I'm in my mid-twenties, and I recently ended a year-long relationship that started way too fast. We knew each other for about 2 months when we decided to move halfway across the country together (I got a good job, and she was ready for a change). This was NOT the norm for me; I'm usually very cautious and don't take chances.

I had been unhappy for a few months when I finally decided to share my feelings. We both hate confrontation to a fault. Because of this she was floored by the suggestion that we end it.

She has made her feelings clear that she is convinced I am the one for her, and that she will wait for me and do anything it takes to make it work.

The relationship was very fulfilling for me in some ways, but she just isn't the one.

I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for "doing this" to her; I dragged her across the country, she had to break an apartment lease for lots of money, the new town is a million times worse than the town where we met, etc...

I considered giving it another shot, but "I won't be doing her any favors" blah blah blah.

The relationship I was in previous to this one (lasted about 2 years) also ended because I couldn't commit to her, and I didn't feel like she was the one.

Why can't I tell people I don't want to be with them as soon as I decide? What can I do to improve my communication style when faced with confrontation? I know it's not so cut-and-dry and no relationship is perfect.

For those of you that have found "the one" and made it last, did you ever have doubts in the beginning?

[Jimmy1218]

Well, you swam so far out you can't swim back...if you really don't like her anymore, maybe do bad things to make HER volunteerily break up? Or you could just tell her.

[rumrunner]

Yeah, no it's pretty much over already. She moved out; we haven't talked much in the last couple of weeks. In my mind, it's over. I guess I need to have another talk with her about it.

As far as tricking her into breaking up with me; she's way too tolerant Plus, I wouldn't be good at that anyways.

[rumrunner]

Well, you swam so far out you can't swim back...

Exactly. What the hell would I do that for????? FRAAAAAAAAAghghghg!!

I wish I had a wisdom fairy on my shoulder to tell me what to do all the time.

[Gigabitch]

I wish I had a wisdom fairy on my shoulder to tell me what to do all the time.

Too bad for you- you're stuck with us.

Don't take the weight of the world onto your shoulders. It was her choice to move, and she has to bear the responsibility for that. So you disappointed her. Is it the end of the world? No. Who knows? Maybe she'll meet the love of her life in the new city, and it will be all because of you!

Your commitment problem isn't really a problem. If you were 38 years old and stringing along some woman who was waiting around for you to marry her and have babies, then maybe it would be a problem but you're so young, you're not supposed to be committing seriously to a long-term relationship.

[anachronistic]

Exactly. What the hell would I do that for????? FRAAAAAAAAAghghghg!!

I wish I had a wisdom fairy on my shoulder to tell me what to do all the time.

i am a wisdom fairy, but i am not cheap.. and i might deflate your shoulder.