Don't know what to do now

[Claire84]

Been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years we haven't had sex as I wasn't ready. He has waited patiently but is fed up now and could walk away. The thing is I want to do it but can't get relaxed and get turned on anymore like I used to. I have been quite ill lately and worried as its been 8 months since I finished my degree and I can't get a job. I went to a Relate session which was good but cannot afford to go to the psychosexual therapy which I feel could have helped solve my problem. I feel like the worst girlfriend ever.

[miSSleepy]

Seems like you have too many unresolved issue and worries. It's not something you can really fix online.

But there is one question you need to ask yourself:
- are you actually in love with your boyfriend? Is your relationship with him as you'd like it to be?

But I think you really do need professional help. I could tell you to relax, try to forget about your worries a little bit each day, occupy your mind with something that you like doing, do something new with your bf, etc etc, but in this case that's easier said than done.

[cheeze_guy]

Maybe this will help you relax. I was in a bad car accedent a little more then 2 weeks ago. My I was riding my bike and a car did a hit and run and I flew over the car landing on my face. I was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. I shattered my jaw so they rebuilt it with metal plates and wired my jaw closed, I lost half my pinky(somehow) and I have a hairline fracture in my spine. I got like 100 stitches in my face. I was in the hospital for only 10 days and then the doctor said I was ok to go home. I didn't feel ok but I can walk and he told me to come back in a couple of days and they would take out my stitches. I could get more into this but the point I'm trying to get at is I have no girlfriend but all my ex's and girls that are freinds came to visit me in the hospital because I was very lucky to be alive seeing as i landed on my face and I was wearing no helmet. Anyways I am a very sexual person and it's no the most important thing in my life but without it I don't know what I would do. I was stressing because I was wondering if my dick was still going to work after the accedent physically and mentally I was sooo afraid not because I lost my dick (which it is fine!) but because after going thru so much head trauma I was thinking it would be years before I was going to be healed let alone having sex. My friends all came by at my apartment and we were all talking about how lucky I was to be out soo soon and how even thugh I had the bad accedent I didn't look too bad except for the fact that I'm eating thru a straw for the next few weeks. Anyways they were all kidding around because they know I love sex and that I am a good lover because every girl i sex wants more so what was I going to do? I was stressing like crazy wondering what would happen or if I was even attractive after my accedent. Anywho I got a call from this amazing girl I like a lot who came to visit me like everyday at the hospital and she wanted to come chill. I was down but in the back of my head I was thinking I hope she doesn't want to fool around. Funny thing is that I am very attracted to her because she is totally hot and when she came over we snuggled and were relaxin and I was holdin her for the first time since I was out of the hospital and sex wasn't on my mind. While I was laying with her watching a movie she started to get hot and took off a few cloths here and there as did I. In the end we were practically naked and she was laying on my lap and I got crazy turned on and got a hard on and she noticed obviously and gave me head. It was incredible because this was like 3 days since I was out of the hospital and I couldn't believe I was feeling so good straight outta the hospital! We fooled around a bit even though I couldn't kiss her or do anything with my head she was just like lay back and enjoy which is what i did. What I am trying to get at is no matter what u can make it happen if you are attracted to a person. For whaever reason u aren't attracted and u need to find out why or try to forget about it and see what happens. Try to relax and not worry about it though because when you are stressing about things that u cant change they will get in yer way so give yerself a pat on the back for gettin yer degree you will get a job in what you studied if you really love what u studied and make it happen Good luck and I hope my story helped a bit! PEACE! Oh and yer definitly not the worst girlfriend ever I really can respect a woman who waits to have sex and yer guy should too because there are too many sluts out there these days!

[Gigabitch]

Waiting three years to have sex is pretty extreme. Eight months without a job is pretty extreme, too. I think you're having a crisis that is only partly about sex.

It's not unreasonable for him to want it. You're old enough, and pretty much everyone else does it. You've probably done some deep thinking about your reasons for not wanting this- it's more than just not getting turned on.

Have you ever had sex with anyone, ever? Did you have a bad experience you're trying not to repeat? Do you feel that withholding sex means that you still have something to bargain with?