Regret over past

[cantforgetpast]

Hi
I am Asian and 27 years old and 2 years back, I broke up with my first girlfriend ever(she was Spanish) though our relationship was going absolutely great. I broke up since my parents would be too shocked and be so devastated if I decide to be with someone outside my caste and religion (I am from a very orthodox Asian family). And back then, I thought I could never go against my parents who have sacrificed so much for me. I broke up though she wanted us to continue.
(you may find my reason illogical - even I feel so now - but it is a strong influence in my culture, and I was too cowardly to even discuss it with her then).

Ever since then, I have always thought of her every single day and night and now feel so sad about what I did. She was also heart broken for quite some time. We kept chatting over IM in a friendly manner and she recently told me she has got a new boyfriend and is very happy. I was so shell shocked and felt our breakup had just started.
So, I sent her a mail saying I don't want any contact with her since I am just not able to move on while talking to her.

But, every day is so painful to get through. It has been 2 years, but anything I see reminds me of the times we had and how she would respond etc. And the regret that I threw away something wonderful I had and broke up with someone who loved me so much, is eating me.
I realize it is over and I should move on, but it seems impossible. I feel I never will. I go out a lot, meet new people, exercise but nothing ever changes.
I dated her for only 5 months, knew her as a friend for a year before that, but the impact it has had on me is so deep that it amazes me. I did not know I would suffer so much.

What can I ever do to move on? How to not keep reliving the past? My parents will marry me to someone soon, maybe I will only move on then?
I hope my whole life ahead has not been scarred forever. :-(

-cantforgetpast

[vashti]

Everyone wonders about what their life would have been like had they chosen the other path. If you had stayed with this girl, you would have been wondering if she was worth alienating your family over.

I think if you want to move on, you will need to take your mental focus off of yourself. Can you volunteer some time to an organization that is important to you? I like working for the poor. It really helps with perspective.

[DoesntMatter]

Hi
I am Asian and 27 years old and 2 years back, I broke up with my first girlfriend ever(she was Spanish) though our relationship was going absolutely great. I broke up since my parents would be too shocked and be so devastated if I decide to be with someone outside my caste and religion (I am from a very orthodox Asian family). And back then, I thought I could never go against my parents who have sacrificed so much for me. I broke up though she wanted us to continue.
(you may find my reason illogical - even I feel so now - but it is a strong influence in my culture, and I was too cowardly to even discuss it with her then).

Ever since then, I have always thought of her every single day and night and now feel so sad about what I did. She was also heart broken for quite some time. We kept chatting over IM in a friendly manner and she recently told me she has got a new boyfriend and is very happy. I was so shell shocked and felt our breakup had just started.
So, I sent her a mail saying I don't want any contact with her since I am just not able to move on while talking to her.

But, every day is so painful to get through. It has been 2 years, but anything I see reminds me of the times we had and how she would respond etc. And the regret that I threw away something wonderful I had and broke up with someone who loved me so much, is eating me.
I realize it is over and I should move on, but it seems impossible. I feel I never will. I go out a lot, meet new people, exercise but nothing ever changes.
I dated her for only 5 months, knew her as a friend for a year before that, but the impact it has had on me is so deep that it amazes me. I did not know I would suffer so much.

What can I ever do to move on? How to not keep reliving the past? My parents will marry me to someone soon, maybe I will only move on then?
I hope my whole life ahead has not been scarred forever. :-(

-cantforgetpast

That was hard to read, because you sound so sincere and like such a good person. It's kind of alarmning how you are still thinking of this girl 2 years later... Are you a nostalgic type of person by any chance?

[cantforgetpast]

Thanks for the replies, vashti and DoesntMatter. Maybe I should do some volunteer work at the parks here.
Yes, I think i am too nostalgic and in general, a diffident person, making things worse. It is so tough imagining her being with a new guy..I try not to think but I just get into these spells..

Life is tough

[Junket]

Not to mention...you didn't even tell her why you really broke up with her?

That's some bullshit right there.

[DoesntMatter]

Thanks for the replies, vashti and DoesntMatter. Maybe I should do some volunteer work at the parks here.
Yes, I think i am too nostalgic and in general, a diffident person, making things worse. It is so tough imagining her being with a new guy..I try not to think but I just get into these spells..

Life is tough

I used to be kind of nostalgic as well over certain things (for me it was video games). Thinking back to the days when the word "ownage" would only be used after you had a 30 kill to 0 death ratio in the first 2 minutes of play.... Man, those were the days...

Sorry, getting off topic. The point is that you can overcome it, but maybe not ever completely. I still sometimes feel a crazy strong urge to sit down at a PC and play some hardcore MOH:AA, but I know it just isn't gonna happen...

[justme880]

Hang in there... there is life after breakup. You just have to keep yourself busy and make the conscious decision to move on. I'm such an optimist when it comes to the affairs of the heart. Who knows? You may have the opportunity to reconnect with her again in the future. But for now, focus on yourself, learn new things, and embrace life.

Cheers!

[ExpoNovak]

I don't think your reasoning for breaking up with her is illogical at all. It's awesome that you have such great respect and admiration for your parents. Do they know what you sacrificed? Plus, if they are going to marry you off soon, as you say, what good would it do to be in a relationship with anyone?

Now we come to the kicker: You either dive out on your own and carve your own path to happiness in this world or let Mum and Dad choose for you. Personally, no matter how much I loved my parents I could never allow them to choose a wife for me. That would be scary. I think there are bigger issues to address in your romantic world (or about to be lack thereof) than a lost girlfriend.

And if you stay in touch with her and tell her the truth you run a chance of being able to be with her in the future, provided that you aren't married, that is.

[gartlas]

Universal advice.see a counsellor,they 'll have something up their sleeve.And as I say to evryone,take a long holiday,its ideal,a change of scenery is the best thing you can do.