Brick wall reinforced with steel.

[Skaterdude]

Alright, I have a really big story to tell, so hold on.

Last year I was a sophomore in highschool. This one girl aparantly has been in many classes before hand, but I never noticed her. She isn't extremely attractive (in a good way). She dresses very nicely, and seems to take good care of herself. Just like me, she is serious about school, but also doesn't get too stressed about it.

One day, we were partnered up in English class for some group work. We started talking and eventually it turned into uncontrollable laughing. Some class clown even mentioned, "you two should go out!" We just laughed it off.

After a few months of constant flirting, we start to notice an attraction for each other. At this point, I'm already going crazy over her, and my stomach cringes whenever she misses a day of school. The only reason I would do more than expected in school, was so I could use the free time to converse with her. Anyways, her friend notices we like each other. So, she invites me to a ice skating party, and all her friend does is tease us. Anyways, we're in her friends house, and then she randomly locks us both in a room. We don't do anything but stare at each other and wonder what the heck is going on. The door opens up later, and by then, I get picked up to go home.

That night, I get on AIM, and start talking to her friend. She asks me why I don't ask her out, and I explain that I don't think she likes me that way, and something seems out of place. So... she says that the girl is actually at her house for a sleep over. Its lame, but she made me do this part: I said how I felt over instant messenger ahahaha. I explained how I have intense feelings for her and I hope she feels the same way. Well... aparantly she did too, and her friend was in tears after she read what I typed out (her boyfriends never say things like what I said).

1 week goes by. I ask her out at school, and well... things didn't go so swell. She said her parents might not let us date.
Why?

#1 is the most important one

1. She's not old enough (16)
2. I'm not a "good christian boy" (quote from her parents)
3. I will break her heart
4. highshcool ends soon, and we'll split up after senior year

So... she tells me to write letters to her parents, and I do. For some reason, she doesn't want me to talk face to face. Mainly because I'm not #2, and unfortunalty, my opinions wouldn't matter as much. Plus, they enjoy using the "enough said, conversation over" technique often.

Maybe I havn't emphasized how much she likes me at this point. We both need each other.

Anyways, months go by without dating. I've phased in and out of depressive states. Shes good at hiding it around me, but her friends tell me how upset she gets.

During summer break, we keep NO contact with each other. Not a SINGLE call, and not a SINGLE instant message or anything. We just figured this is the best way to be friends. Now, its junior year and we have a few classes together again. The flirting as commenced .... by accident. I'm pretty sure its not flirting, but sometimes I wonder. I started talking to this other chick, and the girl would stare at me across the room like I was doing something horrible. We both said we don't have feelings anymore, but I really don't know. I personally don't like her AS MUCH, but I'd go out with her in a heart beat if I could. I asked if we could hang out sometime, but she has denied every request, or took it as a joke.

I must also mention, that she has the most horrible ability to talk to people face to face about personal problems. Once I mention something about us, she'll either change the subject or pretend she didn't hear me. If I ask again, she'll just studder and give me the most vaagggueee solution possible.

So.. the problem.. I think she still likes me. I know I still like her. If I ask her how she feels, she'll either deny it or not answer at all. One day, I made her laugh so hard, that she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Almost as if "thats enough laughing, anymore and i'll be disobeying my parents".

I have a lot of girl "friends" but only this one I have trouble keeping as a long term friend. ITS IMPOSSIBLE, I tried twice already. A 3rd time will give the same result, unless I become fake.

Don't know what to do...

[miSSleepy]

I don't see anything that you could do, or should do. Her parents seem like a tough case and if you were to pursue anything they'll always be in the way and conflict between her and her family might even arise. And she seems to want to keep the peace to much for you to make any difference.

You said your feelings for her lessened after no contact, so perhaps you should try to minimise it again. I know it's hard. You could persist in changing her parents' minds, but you'll have to treat carefully. The only safe option is to forget her.

[Skaterdude]

I don't know what to do right now. My friend really wants me to change her parents' minds, but thats an impossible feat if I can't even make contact with her outside of school.

I might need to find another girl to replace the spot she always filled. However, it feels immoral to date another girl because I want to get over the one I truley like.

Forgetting her is impossible, its just not a thing that can happen. If I try forget her, she'll probably think something is wrong. Even the smallest amount of contact with her will make me start liking her again. Thats why summer time helped me, because I couldn't make contact for nearly 3 months. I saw her ONE day at her job during summer, and my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and I somehow got her to laugh hysterically withen the alloted 35 seconds I had with her.

Right now, it seems as though our friendship is totally based on us liking each other a little bit, or a lot.

I'm going to keep my head up and try to find a solution. If all else fails, I'll just have to wait untill summer, hope we dont have senior classes, and hope I dont see her anywhere else. Thats not even a friendship, now is it...

I have a question though.

Do you think laying things out on a table will ease the tension? If I somehow get her to talk to me face to face so we can help each other? Or will it just make things horribly worse...

[miSSleepy]

Actually, talking to her very honestly and getting her to listen and be honest with you could work. Maybe the wo of you could come to some sort of solution together. Tell her exactly how you feel and ask her to tell you exactly how she feels.

[Michael6084]

this may or may not work, but what i suggest doing is going to her house (if you can drive or something) and just talk with her parents and only with her parents and try to straighten things out in person.

if you show up to their house and look like a young man that is serious and mature about what they do, they may have a better look on you. so far its their pre-judgements of "high school relationships" and "young teenage boys" on stereotypes thats preventing you from even hanging out with this girl.

when one of my exes and i broke up, my guy friends started calling her names and shit and i didnt even know about it, so the father called my phone and told me to knock the shit off...or else. after i got the message, i ended up asking if he wanted me to come over and have a talk, and i ended up doing that. to make a long story short, he ended up having a higher respect for me cuz he says that other "ex-bfs" never even tried to come near him. the same day, he heard that i lost a cell phone, so he GAVE me one for free. i could never use it and he didnt know, but to me that was just amazig from a father.


ANYWAY, yeah i would just go up and talk to the parents in person though so they get a better feel for you personally, instead of the stereotypes they base you on.

[Gigabitch]

I think laying it out on the table is your only option, here. You're stuck- you don't feel you can move on from her and you can't progress. You have to relieve the pressure.