My weakness..

[yppiZ]

You see, I have never had a girlfriend and it's starting to dig into me, liking girls is my weakness. I have hardly ever ever touched a girl in my life and it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I'm not very good looking and I'm not outgoing at all. Yeah, I know, most girls want outgoing guys, but too bad, I'm not the kind of person that's outgoing, that's just how my DNA is.

I have never liked a girl with her liking me back, ever. I feel like life's biggest insult. Just recently my best friend took a girl I loved very much and now it stings until this day. My problem fueled me into killing myself with pills, I had my suicide planned out, but the pills were postponed.

I want to live a life where my world doesn't revolve around me thinking about some pretty girl. And please, save the whole, "you don't have enough confidence" crap... I've been using confidence my whole life, and I got nothing out of it. I have been through high school without kissing someone. I'm just not what girls want, and I doubt I will ever change, so why keep worrying about women? Is there a way to just not love women anymore? Not that I want to be gay, but I want my life woman free. I'm sick of seeing something I can't have then ending up masturbating for hours when I get home. For the love of GOD is there a way to end the love? I will find a way to escape this.

[Gigabitch]

Well, I think there are chemicals you can take that suppress sexual urges, if that's what you're after.

[yppiZ]

Well, if these drugs can work for a lifetime, then I'm game.

[Gigabitch]

How old are you, anyway? Are you sure it's not too soon to be giving up?

[yppiZ]

I'm 18. I know, I'm a bit young to be saying this, but nothing will change and I attract the wrong women. Love never worked out the way I wanted it too, and I'm way too tired to keep trying, not to mention since I turned kind of suicidal I won't attract a lot of women. Although I was never attractive in the first place.

[miSSleepy]

You say you've been using confidence? You don't USE confidence, you HAVE it. And be as confident as you will, but you need to LIKE AND APPRECIATE yourself for anyone else to do the same. Being crabby about yourself and everything in life is a sure fire way to turn anyone off, and believe me, it's not because of your looks.

You're 18 and you think it's the end of the world because some highschool girls don't like you and now you're contemplating suicide. This emo crap is very unappealing. You need to have a reality check.

1. your life has just began, highschool is not the be all end all
2. your looks have little to do with this
3. you are not the only one in this position. i spent most of highschool moping that no guy liked me, and i know several people who still have not got a bf or ever have. But things change.
4. suicide is not something you do to deal, ok? It's not something trivial that you can reverse. So look at it this way: are you going to end your life before it starts, before you truly know yourself and before you actually experience something more - because of some silly notion that no girl will ever like you?


So before you get caught up in your own little lament and take a bottle of pills, get up in the morning, have a cold shower and slap yourself a couple of times while listening to your favourite music. Then get dressed and go somewhere where you've never been before.

[Stirfry]

You don't sound confident at all, despite what you say. You seem kind of miserable, and it probably shows without you knowing it. Girls don't find that very attractive. At all, actually. Wow, 18, you must feel sooo old. I know people who are 21 and have never had a gf. So what? They don't care, they just don't need a romantic relationship in their life. If you think you're incomplete or you're miserable without one, you're probably needing something else in your life.

[Mish]

For the love of GOD is there a way to end the love?

Well, to start off. To me the question of "is there a way to end the love" sounds more like is there a way to end "Photosynthesis in plants". What is it that you would like to achieve? You want to change the fact that you are attracted to women or make the right women attracted to you or become better at being confident?

[GrkScorp]

You see, I have never had a girlfriend and it's starting to dig into me, liking girls is my weakness. I have hardly ever ever touched a girl in my life and it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I'm not very good looking and I'm not outgoing at all. Yeah, I know, most girls want outgoing guys, but too bad, I'm not the kind of person that's outgoing, that's just how my DNA is.

I have never liked a girl with her liking me back, ever. I feel like life's biggest insult. Just recently my best friend took a girl I loved very much and now it stings until this day. My problem fueled me into killing myself with pills, I had my suicide planned out, but the pills were postponed.

I've read your post a while ago.. but I was crammed with work.. still am.. but have some time to add some input..

First of all.. don't kill yourself.. it's not worth it.. there's nothing after death.. so you might as well enjoy the pleasures of life.. even if they happen to be displeasure.. for the moment..

Secondly.. after reading your post a couple of times.. (don't take this the wrong way, keep an open mind about what i'm about to say).. but it seems that you have not yet fully matured as an individual.. your personality is still being formed.. and you are facing an identity crisis, not knowing who you are.. who "YOU" are..

That being said.. it's hard for you to present the person you are to other people.. It doesn't mean that people don't like your personality.. because there's no finished or "near complete" product for them to begin to like.. that's the first thing you need to start working on.. How?

Well, that's up to you.. Start exploring.. music, art, video games, sports, etc.. Slowly, you're going to start finding things that are interesting, and alot of things what are not.. in both cases.. that's a good thing.. You're 18.. so take a look at your college's catalogue.. and see what courses interest you.. take some.. or keep them in mind.. All these things will start to define you.. and in your mind.. will start to build up your character.. (more importantly, who YOU think you are).. once you have built up a character and a more refined personality.. you are then ready to go out into the world..

The truth about people.. especially women.. is that one of the things they find attractive are men who are "passionate" about something.. it can be a whole range of things.. almost anything really.. but as long as it's "strong powerful passion" about it.. WHY??? well, because women are complex creatures that overanalyze.. which in this rare instance is a good thing..

When someone is passionate about (music) let's just say [as an example]... it shows a number of different things.. First of all.. it acts as a mnemonic device.. "Oh, he's that music guy".. so it makes it easier for her to remember you.. Secondly.. it shows that you have "ambition".. which down to the most primative mating level.. shows that you have the drive it takes to succeed in life & raise & support a family.. lastly.. it shows "character & personality".. it shows that you are a certain character, you are mature, refined, and have reached a certain personal development level in life.. your choice of interest (music) may also indicate something else about your personality.. "creativity, compassion, understanding of emotions, etc..".. For instance.. if you say you're passionate about (hunting).. yes.. you convey that you're passionate.. but what does that say about you? That perhaps you're still a boy inside who hasn't fully let go of his "toy gun" obsession till this day.. plus it won't work well with an animal lover.. lol

Anyway.. keep the posts comming.. i'm very much interested to see how your development goes.. but that's all it is.. (this is why people warn others to not rush into dating..).. because yes.. not everyone is ready.. can you imagine finding someone and having your personality CHANGE while you're in a relationship.. only to find out that you or your partner maybe NOW don't like eachother?? You need to first develop.. find yourself.. and let me know.. from that point on.. the rest is fairly easy..

[yppiZ]

I didn't want to kill myself because of girls, I wanted too because I felt inferior, this was something I had for years. I do have hobbies, I want to be a Game Developer and I'm the leader of a small film group which includes my friends, the website for that is platinum-cube.com. So you see, I personality think I have an awesome personality, but no one takes the time to see that.

[GrkScorp]

I didn't want to kill myself because of girls, I wanted too because I felt inferior, this was something I had for years. I do have hobbies, I want to be a Game Developer and I'm the leader of a small film group which includes my friends, the website for that is platinum-cube.com. So you see, I personality think I have an awesome personality, but no one takes the time to see that.

Well.. nobody takes the time to see that, because YOU have not taken the time to see that.. and since you don't fully understand your CHARACTER or PERSONA yet.. you can't project that to your audience.. "women".. allow me to explain..

I do many things.. Economics, Accounting, Law (Taxation & Securities Regulation), i'm learning music (voice, piano), I cook very well, and I like to make house designs (inspired by home makeover)..

So, who am I when I meet people? How do people see me? The answer to these questions depends on how I see myself.. I know that Economics/Acc./Law is only what I "DO" and NOT who I am.. But something i'm very passionate about is cooking & music... I know I am, because when people ask me about it.. I can go on forever talking about it.. I have such great ideas for both of them, such determination to create something amazing in each..

So, when people get to know me in the first 5-10mins.. they get to see an energetic, enthusiastic person who's passionate about.. "something".. if the conversation goes on a little longer.. they then find out that this person happens to have the occupation of .. something else.. but his occupation is NOT who he is.. it's just what he does..

Now, enough about the analogy.. and more to YOU.. you can work with that.. if that's really something you have a passion for.. I know for instance.. my younger brother loves games and is always asking me for my opinion of game ideas he has.. even though I don't play games anymore.. That shows passion.. And i'm sure, between film, games, other "hobbies".. you can find something you're passionate about.. and when you do..

Explore it.. take a day or two.. make room during your week.. and do nothing else but really think about the one or two things you're passionate about.. Let's just say film & games.. now.. start to explore the type of person you can ideally be with those two interests.. how would that come off to people? and then.. after exploring that.. try to build up a character personality.. as if you were writing a book.. what is this character like? (the one who's passionate about film & games).. this works.. because when you build up the character.. you're really building up the way YOU are going to come off to people.. Because you'll start to realize by drawing out.. just WHO you are.. and WHAT you are passionate about..

[GrkScorp]

So.. next time you are out.. with people.. with women.. whatever.. in the back of your mind.. you have seen how this "character/persona" looks & works.. you know that it's a great character.. and it just so happens that, this character is YOU..

By comming to this realization.. which will come with some time.. about 20-30 days.. (not instant, but not that long either).. you'll start to feel more confident in who you are.. because you will have a better understanding of who you are.. and how you project that to other people.. you'll also have alot more energy, enthusiasm, and even charisma when talking to women.. because you know that this character "which is YOU" is an appealing character which has alot of desireable qualities..

Now, just to get one thing strait.. (you're not faking anything.. you're picking things you're really passionate about..).. here's a day & night example..

A couple of months back.. me and a guy friend of mine.. let's call him Tom.. (both current law students).. are in a cafe'/lounge talking to some women.. Now, in the early stages of the conversation.. he started with a cheap-shot.. "Tom: yeah, so we're both law students.. i'm doing Criminal Law.. blah blah.. so if anyone here is a gold-digger let's exchange numbers..".. anyway.. he did that because Criminal Law is alot more interesting to talk about than Taxation.. which is the law i'm studying.. but.. what's even MORE interesting to talk about.. is cooking.. and the marvels of cooking and the art behind it.. etc.. Once I turned the conversation to cooking.. (the women didn't want to go back to talking about law).. but Tom, also didn't have anything to say.. and everyone.. at least the girls were to drawn into the conversation.. seeing me get all hypes.. excited.. my eyes open and flare as I talked about different ways to prepare salmon & how the secret to every meat dish is the sauce.. etc.. Why???

Because.. honestly.. there's a concept women get.. and guys don't.. and women will never share this secret.. they will keep it with them until death.. it's the secret of "social akwardness"... What does it have to do with what we were talking about? Everything..

You go up to a woman.. or are talking to a woman.. now.. chances are.. if you're both mature adults, that you know what's going on.. (the male is interested, the female is still thinking.. but she hasn't left yet or shows signs of telling the male to get lost).. so in short.. there is some formal-refined process going on here..

But you can't just say.. (ok.. so.. here is who I am.. tell me about you.. let's think about this for 1 min.. yeah.. I like you.. you do too? how great.. ok.. we're a couple now.. muahhh.. :hug:.. i love you.. let's go some place more quiet.. etc..)... why can't you if you both feel that way? (1). because it will kill the sexual/romantic tension that needs to fully build up.. but more importantly.. (2). it's socially-akward.. which means there's a social barrier there.. preventing either of you from doing something as simple and to the point as that..

So, instead.. you have to develop ways to.. "break the ice".. and neutral-non-romantic/sexual conversation is the way to go..

[GrkScorp]

What are some problems with that?

Well.. being boring, dry, not interesting.. etc..

So, if you think about it.. comming off as someone passionate.. with something to talk about.. really gives you an advantage.. in fact.. it's almost perfect..

The strategy for this "breaking the ice" process is "SUBTLETY".. you, as a male have to learn to exploit all social-emotional-nuances..

For instance.. look at what you're doing by talking about something you're passionate about while being happy, energetic, enthusiastic.. etc..

(1). You're not violating social-neutrality by doing anything socially akward.. so.. this gives the appearance or a simple neutral conversation..
(2). However, like I mentioned earlier.. you're showing the female that you're passionate about something.. which implies that you are ambitious.. and mature and developed..
(3). You come off as more confident.. which again shows maturity and more importantly, masculinity.. (cough.. cough.. women find this sexy.. cough cough..)
(4). You show her that you're not afraid to talk to her.. and that you can hold a conversation by supplying a seemingly infinite supply of conversational content.. This will give you both the time needed to talk to her until she makes up her mind about you.. and implies that you are on her level (example: beta-males find it near impossible to speak to alpha-females.. when alpha-females sense this.. they immediately reject the male.. in search of a mate on the same level).. so you show her that you're on her level by not being afraid to talk to her..
(5). Smooth transition.. Since your passionate conversation will have you oozing with confidence, and ambition in the eyes of the female.. it will now give you perfect entry for "non-cooking" conversation.. you may now want to get to know more about her.. and turn the conversation in an other direction.. getting the two of you involved.. This is what I call a "hook".. which is simply.. an excuse to talk.. and then ask the other person about them.. or what they are into.. (now the female can't stop talking..).. and as time goes on.. the less likely she is to leave.. (because she's invested time into listening to you.. and telling you about herself)..
(6). Again.. and lastly.. it provides an EXCUSE to make good on "the hook".. in the back of her mind.. she's found this (very interesting guy.. who's confident, ambitious.. passionate about ____ , and who is a good listener "you asked her about what she likes", etc..)... so it's safe to say that things are going well for you.. just by the fact that the conversation has progressed to this point.. So "use the hook"!!! How? Use "we" or "us" in a sentence.. (again, remember, the name of the game is social-emotional-subtlety).. by using either of those two words, you're putting the thought of (the TWO of you) in her mind.. unlike the male mind.. the female mind will actually entertain this idea much longer than 2-3 seconds.. so, say something like.. (depending what you're talking about).. "You wanna go somewhere more quiet/whatever.. WE can go to ___".. "Haha.. I guess that's one thing WE both don't like"..

WARNING: Wrong usage of "we" & "us".. "Isn't it amazing how kids think like US sometimes".. This is wrong.. because US refers to humans in general or adults.. and not just you and her.. the object of WE or US is to be implying or referring to YOU and HER ONLY!!!

Anyway.. hope this was helpful : )

[Mish]

I didn't want to kill myself because of girls, I wanted too because I felt inferior, this was something I had for years.

Well, there is the key right there for you. It's not really about love is it? It's about you feeling inferior, not having enough respect for yourself. You are not the only person who feels this way. There are many people who feel what you are feeling. But the good news you can fix this. It's never too late to be a respect worthy person by doing deeds which are worthy of self respect. By taking action and doing that which you deem as respect worthy. Yourself doing things that makes you respect other people. This isn't about love, or women, or sex, it's about not feeling inferior. It's about loving the person you are for the things that you do.

You know, I bet you, you will find once this hurdle is over that everything else, confidence, happiness, yes and women will happen naturally for you. For such is the power of good self esteem and positive self image, it creates an aura around you that attracts. Good luck friend

[yppiZ]

All my depression was fueled to it's maximum threshold when I found out a girl I liked very much happens to be going with my best friend now, even until this day this bugs the shit out of me and I can't get over my obsession with this woman.