What to do....

[BlackTop]

I never thought I would post on one of those forum - never thought I would be the drunken ex boyfriend either....

There is a first time to everything after all.

Let's start from the begining (it usually is better that way eheh):
I dated and lived with my ex for about 2 years. I always had some form of doubt about our relationship - but I enjoyed most of it - and I loved her. But for some reason there always was that little thing inside of me saying: "it's not the right one". Anyway, end of summer she tells me that she needs some time because she doesn't know anymore - she doesn't love me anymore. And I have to admit the relationship was dying. It was quit hard at first and I tried and talked to her about it (it's always when we loose something that we realize how much we loved it) see if we could try again.
But her mind was set. And she moved out.

So I let go of the butterfly and felt like crap for the next month and a half - I started exercising - doing all that stuff to forget about her - even decided to stop talking to her for about 2 weeks. But nothing really worked I would still wake up looking for her in the bed at 7am every morning.
I had some random play with some random girl at some point - hated it, hated myself for it.
Finally I went out and met someone interesting and realized that there were plenty of girls out there that I could spend some time with and not get bored.
That made me feel great for the next month or so. Until I ended up at a friends place late at night a few days ago, only the two of us -- and for some reason my ex popped in my head and I had to leave. I realized that I would just sleep with that girl and leave right afterwards - and not call her again. Damn I still have feelings for my ex.

This whole time me and my ex talked every other day about nothingness and it would end in fights, she was always trying to distance herself from me. But recently in the past two weeks or so, she has been real nice to me to the point where she cooked me food. And 2 days ago - she tells me that she is going to start dating again. I'm somewhat happy for her and let her know because neither of us ever went on a "real date", I also let her know that I find it somewhat quick. She lets me know it's nothing serious, just a movie. But then she brings back the fact that I messed around with some random girl only a week or two after our break up. So I explain to her that I regretted it and felt like crap about it.
And then like a dumb ass I have to tell her - what happened that other night when I had to leave. And so I have to let her know:
"I need someone to move on, otherwise I won't forget about you."

There now I don't know anymore
A week ago I was a happy camper - with life ahead of me - project bigger than a Giant could handle - ready to travel to the end of the world.
And here I am today - I don't know what to do anymore.
I want to tell her : "After all this time away from you, I have been thinking and... I want to try again with you, but something fresh something new, something different than last time."

And it is truly what I want to do. Something where we wouldn't leave in the same house, where we would not hang out all the time together. Something where we would have more room.
We use to be together all the time. Go out together, eat together, sleep together, travel together. There was no me or her anymore, when our friends talked about either one of us they automatically implied the other.

I don't know how she would react. I think she has obviously been jealous. I know she has been having lots of fun without me, and I have been doing the same on my side. Enjoying some freedom.
I guess I need to make my mind up first - figure out what I want. But I would love to know what she wants...

[Mish]

IBut for some reason there always was that little thing inside of me saying: "it's not the right one". Anyway, end of summer she tells me that she needs some time because she doesn't know anymore - she doesn't love me anymore.

I think this is the answer to your question right there. It doesn't seem like you two belong together. You might have very close feelings for each other on a deep level, but not enough for a relationship to be a satisfying one for the two of you. You know what they say, relationships end for a reason, something just isn't meant to be.

But like you mentioned, there are plenty of girls out there. Chances are you will find someone better and more rewarding to be with. You just need to rebuild your confidence and go out looking for that special one for you.

You seem like a nice guy, there is a great demand for people like that out there.

[Robert Angier]

Yes, I have to agree if you had your doubts in the past then most likely, you are correct. I would say you and her really need to have a long talk and end it amiably.


RA

[Gigabitch]

I recommend No Contact for a few months. It's like you're trying to quit smoking by only having a cigarette every other day. Does that sound like it would work? Of course not.

Think of your heart as if it were a dumb animal that needs to be trained away from a habit. Patience, consistency, kindness and reward is what you need. Not constant re-exposure to her.

She's not the right one. If she were, you'd be sure, and so would she. Someone better for you is out there- please give yourself a chance to find her and to get over your ex before you do.

[BlackTop]

It is so weird - it's hard to think of her with someone else - but on the other hand -- I don't even know what I want - so damn.
I think I want her back from a habit point of view - like cigarette (as you said) - a bad habit maybe - but she was a sweet person.
And yes I have been afraid that I walked passed the right one and will not find someone I love like that again.

Bwah trust me -- both sides we tried no to talk to each other -- never lasted past two weeks. And every time we talked again after those two weeks we both ended up crying like little girls

Lost - meditation and me time might just solve that but it's been almost three months now... I thought I would heal up quicker.

[BlackTop]

So -- as I have continuously messed myself up in the past few weeks. I had no idea what I wanted - I figured I would well work with what came. So I asked her --- told her I wanted to try again if she was up for it -- something different. And her answer was a big fat no.

Being real sad now - I guess it's the price to pay for certainty.

[mparker2004]

The good thing is that you have no choice now, she's made it for you. Run with it and just try to live your life. It's hard to get people out of your head, but you have to try. Some day it'll just be a sweet memory, a fleeting thought, almost as if it never happened at all. Unless you cling to it and make it all you think about. Try to involve yourself with friends more, that'll keep your mind busy, and maybe lead you to someone else when you're ready. Where you're gonna hurt the worst is when you're all alone, like at night when you're trying to sleep.. I wish you luck with that, man.

[BlackTop]

Yah I have already been through the whole stuff -- that took me a good 2 weeks to get over sleeping by myself...
The worst was waking up looking for her in the bed.

It's been two months - I just didn't know what to do lately - I felt like I was making a mistake by not asking her. Now at least I'm set - just gotta take the pain and run with it for a while.

Damn never thought about all that stuff before. Definitely a good thing in some way... I guess the next one will be better