Can I ask advice here? Thanks!

[beyourfriend]

Hello, guys. This is my story. I met my boyfriend 4 months ago. We have been intimate. I've separated with my ex for a year (divorced will be finalized in Dec) and he's never married. He's completely okay with the fact. A couple of months after we started to date, he started to ask questions like living together and even marriage. I thought maybe American Asian guy do things like that and maybe he was joking so I asked him if we can save the conversation later? Since he was kinda pushing, I showed him around to my co-works and friends, told my parents (they live very far) about him on the phone. He asked about my parents every time and asked me about what my parents and other people think about him. He told his roommate the I'm his girlfriends in the beginning of the relationship, I thought it's a little bit too fast. But last weekend, when we were going to a restaurant, one of his co-worker/friend called. So he asked him to come to the restaurant to join us. But instead of telling him that I'm his girlfriend, he told him that I'm one of his friends. Then he explained to me that the co-worker is nosy and like to discuss people behind their back and being negative... that's why he said that cos doesn't want him to ask me too many questions. So anyways, when I got home, I kept thinking this whole thing is weird. I think it's ok to not to use girlfriend/boyfriend phrase especially my divorce hasn't even been finalized and it's only 4 months of seeing each other. But what's weird is that his earlier behavior and later behavior seem different. Is that the trick some people play to get laid? Should I continues to see him or his behavior is unacceptable for further relationship? Thanks!

[Moonchild]

Honestly, yeah, he does seem to be acting really weird. Moving very quickly, uncomfortable conversations, and inconsistent behavior... If the situation makes you feel weird (and it sounds weird to me), get out of it. Chances are, it's not going to get any better.

[Michael6084]

i think he falls too fast and you should probably get out of it. he doesn't seem very stable with that behavior he's going with.

not sure why you may have thought that it's an Asian American male type of thing to do...but what I can say is that a large number of Asian American males typically have a harder time getting a girl, not because of the ethnicity, but because a lot of them typically show insecurity or are shy. im guessing that he lacks experience with girls because of it, and you have a guy who is acting the way he is.

[GrkScorp]

But last weekend, when we were going to a restaurant, one of his co-worker/friend called. So he asked him to come to the restaurant to join us. But instead of telling him that I'm his girlfriend, he told him that I'm one of his friends. Then he explained to me that the co-worker is nosy and like to discuss people behind their back and being negative... that's why he said that cos doesn't want him to ask me too many questions. So anyways, when I got home, I kept thinking this whole thing is weird. I think it's ok to not to use girlfriend/boyfriend phrase especially my divorce hasn't even been finalized and it's only 4 months of seeing each other. But what's weird is that his earlier behavior and later behavior seem different. Is that the trick some people play to get laid? Should I continues to see him or his behavior is unacceptable for further relationship? Thanks!

Well, I would not rush to make much of the situation. I know plenty of my friends that start rumors very easily.. simply because they are bored with their lives.. and the only value or self-worth they have is by feeling that they are the FIRST to KNOW new things about everyone..

His friend may in fact be one of those people.. where he would say girlsfriend.. and all of a sudden.. your boyfriend would have his friends thinking that you (are getting married; are divorced!!!, have an std, etc. whatever else he can think of)..

The best way to tell if he's acting weird or being genuine.. Just go out with one or two of his OTHER friends.. in fact.. ask him.. "I'm like to meet a couple of your friends".. "who do you consider your closest friends? We should all go out sometime".. Now, if he doesn't present you as his girlfriend then.. this is what it can mean..

1. You haven't properly established that you are boyfriend/girlfriend.. yes.. I understand you've been intimate.. but that means nothing.. make sure she gets the point that the two of you are boyfriend/girlfriend..

2. You have established it.. but he wants to keep his options open and wants to give the appearance of not being exclusive so that his friends won't get on his case when they see him with other "friends"..

But once again.. you should only reach this conclusion when you've been out with more than 3 of his friends.. and on at least 2 different occasions.. (so.. one occasion went bad.. let's try the second..)

If the second occasion proves to be the same.. then you should either insist on him calling you his girlfriend, or simply tell him you are no longer seeing him because you can't be with someone who won't at least make you feel like their girlfriend..

[Gigabitch]

I'd watch him pretty closely, and don't get any further into commitment with him. That inconsistent behavior is a red flag, IMO.