love...

[ljubav]

Hello,
im new at this forum but from what i've read it seems very good! I hope you guys can help me a bit.

My problem is not really a problem in a relationship. I have different sort of problem. I've been with my bf for year and a half. We're from different cities, and we met over the internet. Normally i wouldn't even try to meet anyone this way but it happened, he was amazing guy even without me knowing him. He just came from his country and me talking to him was important to him as well since he had no friends. He spoke my language (we'r not from the same countries but the langiage is similar) and so i made him feel as if he is back in Europe. Now it's been 1 and a half years, and we're not 17 now, we're 19. Im at university and he's still in highschool. My university is very demanding and the time that i spend with him i love a lot, but for him it's not enough. Somehow we're managing since we really love each other. Now the crazy part comes, from my part of course. All this time i was able to be with him no matter what, but now im starting to feel differently, as if our lives are going into 2 different ways. And on top of everything there's something silly which is bothering me. My guy is getting kinda hairy, he wasn't like that so much before but now i guess hormones kicking in and he's starting to get hair even on his back and neck...and for some reason i get discusted by hair on neck adn back (everywhere else is fine) and that's for the reason that i LOVE guys' necks a lot, and i love kissing the neck most. Anyway....to conclude, it's been hard for me both emotionaly and physically to connect with him. Emotionally because i have a career in front of me while i have no idea if he will have a career since he's not a good student, and physically because im getting scared that my guy will have a lot of hair on his neck and knowing that makes me sometimes not so attracted to him, even though he's a handsome guy. I think im a terrible person for feeling this way....but i can't change it. I try not to this about the fact that he might not even go to college, and i try not to think about the fact that he will have more hair than most people....and even though he's amazing guy who really i can connect with, NOTHING helps. Please, tell me your oppinions on what u would do? I don't want to break up with him, but i want to let him know how i feel. At the same time i might hurt him for the rest of his life by telling him this. Im very confused. I hope u can help me

[DoesntMatter]

Shave his back hair and tutor him

[Gigabitch]

I think you're just looking for reasons. If you really loved him so much, he could look like a yeti and you'd be okay with it.

Take a long, hard look at yourself and where you think this relationship is going. If you're pulling away, it's probably best to make a clean break of it and not string the poor guy along for months while you make up your mind and blame it on body hair.

[miSSleepy]

ooo, another Yugoslav, Ljubav

anyway, it's clear that you need to move on from him, there's obviously nothing there left that attracts you to him, only the bits of leftover emotion from before, and that's not enough.

[ljubav]

yeah im Yugoslav...are there more of us?

yes im picking reasons out because i can't explain it in one word....but ill say it shortly now: i don't feel the same for him because he's not anymore what im looking for in a guy. Unfortunatelly for me, he is a great person and i think sometims this is the only reason why im still with him. I never ever met a better person in my life. It kills me.

[miSSleepy]

Well, there's me, and since I've been here I've seen and run into several of them.

If he's not what you're looking for in a guy, then that's it, end of story. Right now, he's just a friend to you and that's all he can be if he's a really good person but not what you're looking for.
But he's not the only good person out there, others will come. You're holding onto him because you feel that something better won't come along.

[ljubav]

i don't feel that something better won't come, I KNOW that nothing better will come. I know i can be with other guys, i never had trouble with that for some reason, but usually the ones im with im not happy with them. This one i was happy with him for long time without question...and now it's just becoming weird, the connection is being lost, im too busy and at the end of the day i can't give him all myself because i am always sleepy, he can't underastand me...but then again, who can understand artists? lol jk...
where r u from misSleepy, by the way?

[miSSleepy]

O I'm sort of a Croatian/Bosnian muddle haha

The fact that you feel weird, connection is being lost etc, and you talk in the past tense (WAS happy) ... it's all a sign that it's over. You can't force it. You're going your own way, as you say, and he's going another way. You're no longer attracted to him. You're only going off what USED to be once, not what is now.
It's absolutely not true that no one else will come along that's not as good as him or better. You're still young and the world is huge. Just concentrate on your education right now because you've made it this far and you have potential, and worry about relationships after you've done. If you try to force something with this guy, you'll end up bitter and resentful that it hasn't worked out and you may spoil your education because of the whole mess.

[sickstunna78]

what you dont say in a relationship is one of the deadliest weapons. By you holding back from telling him how you feel, your only hurting him more in the long run and basically pushing him away. His hair isn't going to disappear, he's not just going to magically get smarter....so your connection with him isn't just going to magically get better. It appears to me that you have made up your mind, but scared to tell him for the fact that you will be hurting his feelings. Its how all sincere and caring people feel. thats what makes breakups so hard, both emotionally and physically. All you can do is be honest with him, thats what i would want from my gf.

good luck and be strong