Can you be friends with your ex?

[honeylou]

Just wondered how many of you are friends with your ex or think it's poosible to be friends with your ex?

I broke up with my ex just over a year ago and am going out with someone new now (and it's great), but I can't help but feel like you have lost a part of your history (someone who knew you so well at the time for a number of years). I talked to him online the other day and he asked me whether I was going out with someone new and told me he was going out with someone new too. Left me with a really strange feeling. I know I was the one who broke up with him, because it wasn't working anymore and I didn't feel the same. I said I was glad he could be so honest with me (he said this relationship was not (yet) where we were) and I said I hoped we could be good friends at some point in the future. He said that we were never friends to start off with, but wanted to be on good terms. Sounded quite bitter... and which annoyed me somewhat.

I know a friend of mine who is good mates with his exes. Perhaps there's still a lot of bitterness there for me breaking up with him and it needs time. This is why I haven't really been in touch this year, I wanted to give him time and I have always been pleasant to him.

Do you think I should even bother being friends/ wait or just move on?

[TheSphinx]

I would suggest focusing on your current relationship. Odds are you'll run into your ex sometime if he lives in your area. If he stops to catch up rather than ignores you, you might have a shot at hitting things off as friends. (Be sure to take your current boyfriend's attitude towards being friends with an ex into account as well.)

~Sphinx

[Charlie Boy II]

Many try, many fail.

[Gigabitch]

I don't believe in it, myself. You can be friendly, but not friends. The only way I can see it working is if you broke up because there was no chemistry between you, maybe then.

[bloodtippedrose]

Depends. If the breakup was mutual (almost NEVER is) then it might be possible. If the breakup was messy then run. Alot of people attempt being friends but it only causes pain for both ends. Cut them out of your lives, the sooner the better. If you see them around town dont lurch at them wanting to update your lives, if you see them with someone else dont act on the rage/jealousy/sadness that is exploding inside you, just give a lil smile and wave. Dont say more than a Hi. Act like you dont know them. You can try to be friends but its not a good idea and prolongs the inevitable "it wasnt meant to be"

[nuevo]

I don't think you can, It would be weird. Also it will appear feelings between you two...anger, love, whatever.... wondering what could happen...

[honeylou]

Mmm.... he asked me out for lunch about 3/4 months ago by email and I never went. I thought it would be too strange and not very fair on my boyfriend... so I made some excuse not to go. I was curious about it though as it was out of the blue.

I think you guys are right, best to leave things in the past and move on. It would have been nice to be mates, but I reckon we probably never will be....

Shame though cos I have good mates of mine who said that some of their exes are really good mates to them now after a few years and can be really honest with them.

[Kromat]

Well, how about setting him up with a person that you hate
I know It's evil, but maybe he'll be upset at you for setting him up like that, that he might stop talking to you, hehe, just a suggestion.