Male Ego and Insecurity

[Junket]

He sounds a 'lil dense.

[Gigabitch]

He's a blond from California. 'nuff said.

[Junket]

He's a blond from California. 'nuff said.

Hmm...yeaaaah.

What's with Californians, man?

And what's with Texans?

Why is everybody importing their partners?

[Gigabitch]

I don't know about you, but here in Santa Fe, we have a saying:

The odds are good but the goods are odd. We have to import. Right, Misombra?

[Mish]

Good question. I'm actually quite stumped about how to define exactly what my flipping problem is, because I have lots of girlfriends and he is friendly to all of them and it's not a problem.

Okay, I think it's about what happens when the girl, whoever she is, begins to respond in an interested/attracted way and rather than turning it down a bit, he turns it up, escalating the interaction.

Does that make any sense?

Yes it does

I think it's more to do with your own personal insecurity than it is about him flirting. You are afraid of being challenged by younger, more attractive women. You feel inadequate next to them. You feel that someone given a choice between you and them would not choose you, thus you feel threatend by them, thus you feel homicidal when he flirts with them.

Refer back to the story I posted about my ex who displayed similar behaviour but with more extremity.

You need to examine your own behaviour and understand why you feel threatened by women he flirts with. You shouldn't be. You should know off the top of your head you personal qualities that make you stand out above all the rest for him and be safe with the knowledge that these qualities will always make you more attractive than other contenders out there. I think that if you can trust yourself more in this respect you will be able to trust him more as well.

[misombra]

this is the reason i stay away from somebody's boyfriend. i don't talk to them and i certainly don't get into the same area with them. and i don't engage in conversations with them.

they'll blame the girl before they blame the guy for any of it. it's easier to blame the girl.

there is nothing like losing a friend because they think their stupid, idiot boyfriend likes you.

eh. sorry giga, that was more me venting than giving you advice.

[Gigabitch]

Well, Mish, why does he need to flirt so much? I'm not completely ridiculous, here. I don't assume he's trying to get in everyone's pants and I don't watch him like a hawk when we're in a social situation. I shouldn't have to.

I wasn't even aware he had gone over the line at the Christmas party because it happened in another room. I barely even saw him for most of that night, we had so many guests. It took a phone call from a friend the next day to clue me in.

So how about that? If it wasn't even my own observation, can it really be because of my own insecurity?

[Junket]

You guys still having crazy sex?

[vashti]

Dump him and get yourself a girlfriend.




















Just kidding.













sort of.

[Gigabitch]

If I got a girlfriend, I wouldn't get to have the crazy sex, which I still have all the time.

I get your point, Fras.

[Junket]

If I got a girlfriend, I wouldn't get to have the crazy sex, which I still have all the time.

I get your point, Fras.

Do you?

Do you really?





...Because that was an honest inquiry...

But!

I'd like to know what point I unknowingly made!

[Mish]

Well, Mish, why does he need to flirt so much? I'm not completely ridiculous, here. I don't assume he's trying to get in everyone's pants and I don't watch him like a hawk when we're in a social situation. I shouldn't have to.

I wasn't even aware he had gone over the line at the Christmas party because it happened in another room. I barely even saw him for most of that night, we had so many guests. It took a phone call from a friend the next day to clue me in.

So how about that? If it wasn't even my own observation, can it really be because of my own insecurity?

Your insecurity is the "Guarding Sentry of his eyeballs" type. You need to get over your fear that he will suddenly and without warning leave you for someone so much better than you. You need to put more value on the qualities that keep him in the relationship with you. You need to relax the guarding. You need to accept his imperfections that make him human such as this annoying flirting. He accepts your imperfections right? You said it yourself, he's not going to run anywhere. And even if he does, then all it prooves that he wasn't worth it. In either case, one way or another you need to get over your fear.

He has an insecurity as well, the "Sunflower" type. But I don't want to go into his insecurities because I'm trying to help you and not him.

P.S. By the way, what happened at the Xmas party? I think you need to be firm with him if he crosses the line from innocent attention getting.

[IndiReloaded]

Mish, if I found my husband tongue kissing some woman (and yes, he would at minimum need to open his mouth so its not all her fault), I would be angry. And I like to think of myself as a very reasonable lady.

I would probably have asked, loudly to the room, whether the two of them would like to get a room someplace. Then, when they looked suitably embarassed, I would tell them both they are acting as if they were born in a barn & I would leave.

I would expect HUGE apologies and explanations. And assurances this would never, ever happen again.

[GrkScorp]

If I got a girlfriend, I wouldn't get to have the crazy sex, which I still have all the time.

Don't say that, I have plenty of lesbian friends, and they have amazing sex; (they really do, i've seen/herd them in action)

[anachronistic]

Mish, if I found my husband tongue kissing some woman (and yes, he would at minimum need to open his mouth so its not all her fault), I would be angry. And I like to think of myself as a very reasonable lady.

I would probably have asked, loudly to the room, whether the two of them would like to get a room someplace. Then, when they looked suitably embarassed, I would tell them both they are acting as if they were born in a barn & I would leave.

I would expect HUGE apologies and explanations. And assurances this would never, ever happen again.

No kidding. I consider that cheating and I don't tolerate it at ALL!