My girlfriend stopped having sex

[GrkScorp]

Grk, did you not notice that three males agreed with us? What is their agenda?

online politics.. to which they obviously care for.. I don't.. (it only takes the howl of one bull to cause a stampeed)

In addition, simple misunderstanding and misreading.. notice how these same male posters have posted their concerns and how parallel they run to what i've been posting..

Furthermore, just because the majority of the people vote the same way, doesn't mean it's right (Bush, case and point)..

Try to free yourself of emotional attachement to this issue.. think with logic, consider the long-term consequences, ALL of them..

[anachronistic]

I still disagree with Grkscorp. The suggestion he offered not only puts the relationships with his girlfriend and son at risk, but are inconvenient because they are immature, immoral, and a waste of time.

"If he just bends over though, he's going to face the McGlaudry dilema, where the law-firm in the 80's wanted to settle every case to cut down on cost" - Grkscorp

What the fück is that crock of shit? Is compromising really bending over backwards? No it isn't. If you think so, you're not ready for relationships. Because relationships CONSIST OF TWO PEOPLE, there will always be conflicts which should be resolved through compromising, not stupid little high school drama games that hurt feelings and destroy bonds of trust in the process.

[GrkScorp]

I still disagree with Grkscorp. The suggestion he offered not only puts the relationships with his girlfriend and son at risk, but are inconvenient because they are immature, immoral, and a waste of time.

"If he just bends over though, he's going to face the McGlaudry dilema, where the law-firm in the 80's wanted to settle every case to cut down on cost" - Grkscorp

What the fück is that crock of shit? Is compromising really bending over backwards? No it isn't. If you think so, you're not ready for relationships. Because relationships CONSIST OF TWO PEOPLE, there will always be conflicts which should be resolved through compromising, not stupid little high school drama games that hurt feelings and destroy bonds of trust in the process.

YES! EXACTLY!

and that's exactly what she's not doing.. she's not setting up the right atmosphere and environment for an actual compromise to take place.. so he's not compromising, he'll be bending over backwards..

BUT, if he throws her off that thrown of hers.. they'll both be on level playing fields.. on may argue that he may actually have the advantage.. but that's an advantage he's going to put aside.. and instead, the point of HIS antics are not to convince her to do HIS bidding, but to bring them on level playing fields so they can both reach a mutual agreement and understanding.. (so they can actually compromise)

So you do agree.. you just misunderstood & misread..

I've been in enough relationships to know when a "compromise" occurs, and when bending over backwards occurs.. and i've also had to break things off with my last 2 relationships because they didn't want to "compromise".. they were used to guys "bending over backwards".. I have no trouble compromising, nobody should, it's natural and mutually beneficial.. bending over backwards however, is the result of ONE party (usually the female, but also men in many case) playing these childhood games while the other party just sits submissively and accepts to do their bidding.. Get a dog that can work and pay the bills if this is what you want, don't get a partner..

For there to be compromise, both people need to be at a level playing field.. right now, it's clear that his gf is on this ego-trip of feeling she has sexual control over him, and if she tugs his balls hard enough, he'll bend over and do exactly what she wants him to.. this isn't compromise.. so he has to make her get into a different state of mind for a real compromise to occur.. but that's exactly what you're going on about.. so I don't see how we're talking about the same thing and you pull the "wrong/disagree" card out.. unless you just wanted to interject and elaborate.. which was fine..

[anachronistic]

online politics.. to which they obviously care for.. I don't.. (it only takes the howl of one bull to cause a stampeed)

In addition, simple misunderstanding and misreading.. notice how these same male posters have posted their concerns and how parallel they run to what i've been posting..

Furthermore, just because the majority of the people vote the same way, doesn't mean it's right (Bush, case and point)..

Try to free yourself of emotional attachement to this issue.. think with logic, consider the long-term consequences, ALL of them..

It's not a matter of online politics, but a measure of knowledge and experience. (not very much of it, might I add, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize who is wrong here) Your insulting tone tells me you're getting a bit offensive.

On another note, if I freed my emotional attachment to this issue, why don't we just tell the man to shoot the bitch and be done with it?

[GrkScorp]

On another note, if I freed my emotional attachment to this issue, why don't we just tell the man to shoot the bitch and be done with it?

Well, is that using logic and taking long-term consequences into consideration, or is that a sarcastic (actually offensive) tone?

Take a moment and actually think about what you're suggesting, you can't be serious..

And since you can't be serious.. ask yourself why you would take what I said out of context, twist it, and throw such a statement onto your posts? hmm?

You can deny the effects of social pressure and online politics all you want, but don't kid yourself, in absence of any other rationalization to what you just said, it's the only consideration left to be made..

[GrkScorp]

Your insulting tone tells me you're getting a bit offensive.

I don't have an insulting tone; especially when i'm on vacation

[anachronistic]

YES! EXACTLY!

and that's exactly what she's not doing.. she's not setting up the right atmosphere and environment for an actual compromise to take place.. so he's not compromising, he'll be bending over backwards..

BUT, if he throws her off that thrown of hers.. they'll both be on level playing fields.. on may argue that he may actually have the advantage.. but that's an advantage he's going to put aside.. and instead, the point of HIS antics are not to convince her to do HIS bidding, but to bring them on level playing fields so they can both reach a mutual agreement and understanding.. (so they can actually compromise)

So you do agree.. you just misunderstood & misread..

I didn't misunderstand or misread anything. He honestly doesn't need to do that immature prank. Here is how he sets the atmosphere for compromising:

"Look, I've been thinking about your New Year's resolution, and I realize that we're going to have some conflicts. I think we should talk about it before we damage the relationship further." Bingo. Shazam.

Slap me on the wrist, but I actually think it's kind of cute that she made a resolution like that. Like she subliminally hinted that she's not happy. That's cute. But then again, I wouldn't be facing commitment issues like he is.

If she is unwilling to compromise, it's a dead horse; he should just leave her. That would mean he would have to bend over backwards. If he really wanted to bend over backwards and play an immature prank on her every time she is unhappy just to get her to compromise, that's his decision to make. But if he goes and does such a stupid thing before trying to compromise, there is no chance at all.

[anachronistic]

Well, is that using logic and taking long-term consequences into consideration, or is that a sarcastic (actually offensive) tone?

I was being sarcastic in order to throw our perspective at you. The same is likewise for your original suggestion; that would really damage the relationship, and I'm sure you realize that.

[GrkScorp]

"Look, I've been thinking about your New Year's resolution, and I realize that we're going to have some conflicts. I think we should talk about it before we damage the relationship further." Bingo. Shazam.

Hahahaha! (i'm sorry, i'm not patronizing)..

Yes, but that all translates to "You really know where to kick them where it hurts, I give up, you win, let's just have sex again, you got me.."

Not because of WHAT he's saying.. but WHY he's saying it.. she'll rationalize that "Aha! I found his weakness.. it's working, and he did exactly what I wanted him to.. we can do all the talking in the world.. but now I know that i'm going to win.. because when the talking doesn't go my way.. I don't want to hear it.. no sex.. until the talking goes my way again.. and then.. we'll have a good compromise (getting him to bend over backwards)"

Your goals and intentions are noble.. but not all women are as sweet/nice as the ones your perhaps used to.. this one doesn't have the mark of one anyway..

You're a very lucky guy if you found a girl who you can talk to like this.. and I hope she doesn't change as time goes on.. but THIS woman, requires that act, those counter-games.. NOT to manipulate her or take advantage of her in her weakened/deperate state that she's going to reach.. but to get her to that state, only to be able to have a fair compromise, and actually talk things out so she takes him seriously.. (it's not a compromise if she feels she's getting her way; she has to feel she's actually being civil, talking about it, he's showing her some pity/mercy, and there's been an actual compromise)

[GrkScorp]

I was being sarcastic in order to throw our perspective at you. The same is likewise for your original suggestion; that would really damage the relationship, and I'm sure you realize that.

SHE has already damaged the relationship with what she did.. only she doesn't feel it yet.. only HE does.. which is why she has the upper hand in negotiations

but this isn't an economics Game Theory problem, or a business/legal dilema.. this is a relationship at hand, with a child in question.. so if a compromise is to be reached.. BOTH parties will have to share the benefits of the compromise equally.. there should be an actual "fair" compromise reached.. to set the tone for the future aswell.. (that there is no room for manipulation, only mutual understanding and compromise)

please.. feel free to make a better suggestion.. I haven't heard any so far that wouldn't lead into the "hostile marriage situation" or "spousal/child abandonment situation" pitfalls.. and "I" don't care to hear any.. I could care less.. like I said.. not my kid, not my problem.. tell it to the POSTER!

[anachronistic]

Hahahaha! (i'm sorry, i'm not patronizing)..

Yes, but that all translates to "You really know where to kick them where it hurts, I give up, you win, let's just have sex again, you got me.."

Not because of WHAT he's saying.. but WHY he's saying it.. she'll rationalize that "Aha! I found his weakness.. it's working, and he did exactly what I wanted him to.. we can do all the talking in the world.. but now I know that i'm going to win.. because when the talking doesn't go my way.. I don't want to hear it.. no sex.. until the talking goes my way again.. and then.. we'll have a good compromise (getting him to bend over backwards)"

Your goals and intentions are noble.. but not all women are as sweet/nice as the ones your perhaps used to.. this one doesn't have the mark of one anyway..

A bit insecure, are you? This is bananas. It's evident that you're pouring your own insecurities into this.

If Donrite followed through with your advice, his girlfriend might leave him. Sure, that might scare her into having sex with him, but she will still be unhappy and will eventually leave him. She will either leave him because she was tricked into believing he cheated on her, or because she is unhappy and realizes that this relationship isn't going anywhere.

They just need to compromise their future. That's all. It doesn't mean instant marriage/split up. I think the girl will need more security and commitment before she risks anything more with that guy.

[GrkScorp]

A bit insecure, are you? This is bananas. It's evident that you're pouring your own insecurities into this.

Not really, i'm single, and I don't have this problem..

I set them strait, or I show them the door.. I stopped bending over with my first girlfriend.. (who cheated on me; because bending over indicated that you're a push-over, and while she feels better about herself and her feminine power over you, you become less desireable and more unattractive in her eyes).. So that's not a problem that i've had to deal with after that point.. and it's led to much more stable/enjoyable relationships, better sex, and more sex, and more success with women.. (women don't want a push-over, if they wanted a puppy, they'd go get one)

It's cute that you'd try to throw that one on me.. but it's really not congruent at all, so it fails to connect, and clearly doesn't apply to anything in context..

But I don't judge you, or think any less of you, I actually like you, you're one of my favorite posters.. so I value what you have to say, even if you do happen to feel (and are convinced) that you disagree..

I'm not here to debate with you, ever, and especially on vacation.. Just think about what you're saying.. (not to imply it's wrong in any way; you raise many strong points).. good points.. but just give it some deep thought.. think it through.. make sure all the pieces logically connect.. what are the long-term consequences? are they consistent with your intended goals? what short-term step(s) should he take to get there? what is the strategy & game-plan?

Don't waste your time on me.. i'm intoxicated at all the P_S_Y Ludlow street has to offer.. focus on a sound solution to the problem.. and don't overlook any detail or contingency that can arrise, keep the future & long-term in mind (the solution should be permanent, not just temporary)..

[anachronistic]

Not really, i'm single, and I don't have this problem..

I set them strait, or I show them the door.. I stopped bending over with my first girlfriend.. (who cheated on me; because bending over indicated that you're a push-over, and while she feels better about herself and her feminine power over you, you become less desireable and more unattractive in her eyes).. So that's not a problem that i've had to deal with after that point.. and it's led to much more stable/enjoyable relationships, better sex, and more sex, and more success with women.. (women don't want a push-over, if they wanted a puppy, they'd go get one)

It's cute that you'd try to throw that one on me.. but it's really not congruent at all, so it fails to connect, and clearly doesn't apply to anything in context..

But I don't judge you, or think any less of you, I actually like you, you're one of my favorite posters.. so I value what you have to say, even if you do happen to feel (and are convinced) that you disagree..

I'm not here to debate with you, ever, and especially on vacation.. Just think about what you're saying.. (not to imply it's wrong in any way; you raise many strong points).. good points.. but just give it some deep thought.. think it through.. make sure all the pieces logically connect.. what are the long-term consequences? are they consistent with you intended goals? what short-term step(s) should he take to get there? what is the strategy & game-plan?

Don't waste your time on me.. i'm intoxicated at all the P_S_Y Ludlow street has to offer.. focus on a sound solution to the problem.. and don't overlook any detail or contingency that can arrise, keep the future & long-term in mind (the solution should be permanent, not just temporary)..

Well maybe not an insecurity, but an incorrect view on women in general. I really don't mean to insult you, so don't take it offensive. I apologize if you did. I'm just trying to point out that this method of thinking is incorrect.

I went through a similar story as you did with your girlfriends and am less lenient now. But truly, I think that this commitment thing has got Donrite by the balls. We really can't give him any suggestions, he just has to decide whether or not he will continue with the relationship. He doesn't need to prove himself to his girlfriend, I think it's gone past that. The issue is too serious for that, man.

Anyway, I will let you get back to your alcohol. Thanks for the compliment, I think I could easily say the same about you.

[GrkScorp]

Well maybe not an insecurity, but an incorrect view on women in general. I really don't mean to insult you, so don't take it offensive. I apologize if you did. I'm just trying to point out that this method of thinking is incorrect.

I went through a similar story as you did with your girlfriends and am less lenient now. But truly, I think that this commitment thing has got Donrite by the balls. We really can't give him any suggestions, he just has to decide whether or not he will continue with the relationship. He doesn't need to prove himself to his girlfriend, I think it's gone past that. The issue is too serious for that, man.

Anyway, I will let you get back to your alcohol. Thanks for the compliment, I think I could easily say the same about you.

The mark of a great politician, orator, and leader.. it's remarkable the people you find online.. it really is..

Don't worry, nothing is ever a big deal.. I look past what people actually say.. and i'm more focused on what motive they had behind saying it.. so I know your intent was not to insult.. don't worry about it..

Haha.. my alcohol.. yeah, Ludlow is truly amazing.. there are no words that do justice to what it has to offer.. I have no idea why it's so secret.. everyone is so caught up in the fancy-shmancy Upper-West & East side, that they've overlooked quite arguably the best nightlife in all of NYC..

For a man in his situation.. the temptation of leaving her is strong (only because it's the easiest solution, and he can jump right back into having sex, if that's what he wants).. very few guys are strong enough and rational enough to resist.. which is why 18% of American families are the way they are.. The next easy solution is to just accept her terms "as is", implying that "I give up, you win".. (that's perhaps how I feel, but to my understanding, this is the message he'll be sending out).. but just MAYBE why the divorce statistics are almost double that 18% figure..

So, fine, toss what i've said out the window.. but then.. what is the man to do? where does he take things from here?

[anachronistic]

Haha, I don't prefer *stops the record* heh I must have misread that. But I do love my malt liquor.

Donrite already made another thread about it. I guess he's already decided to flat out cheat on her. I don't think the relationship will remain, just because they seem as though they shouldn't be together. She wants a committed male that's not concerned about sex, while he on the other hand was a far less committed female that wants to just have sex. I'm not particularly sure of, or concerned about divorce rates. I think it's all due to poor decision making. This guy is in over his head, you know. He's motivated by his own wants and needs more so than the needs of his girlfriend and child. That makes a selfish man; a man unfit for a committed relationship, even though that's not what he wants, he has set himself up for failure. He'll have to give in to have any sort of committed relationship. Everybody does.