My girlfriend stopped having sex

[GrkScorp]

Donrite already made another thread about it. I guess he's already decided to flat out cheat on her. I don't think the relationship will remain, just because they seem as though they shouldn't be together. She wants a committed male that's not concerned about sex, while he on the other hand was a far less committed female that wants to just have sex. This guy is in over his head, you know. He's motivated by his own wants and needs more so than the needs of his girlfriend and child. That makes a selfish man; a man unfit for a committed relationship, even though that's not what he wants, he has set himself up for failure. He'll have to give in to have any sort of committed relationship. Everybody does.

What an idiot.. but like I said.. it's where most men fail.. simply because it's in the nature of a man to be practical, and the easiest way out is to just leave her.. (but it's not logical or rational, and it IS selfish).. and i'm upset that's what he picked.. i'd rather he bend over than to go that route

But since that's the case, I no longer feel motivated to offer him any advice..

As for drinks.. i'm not a heavy drinker at all.. i'm big on wine (Muscat mostly), Bailey's, Frangelico, Kaluah, Rum (I guess you can say I have a liquor sweet-tooth when it comes to drinking).. I can't stand beer or martini.. I don't know how people do it..

[BFTrick]

Well I pretty much have to post here otherwise i wouldnt feel like i was part of the community.

The lady is too immature to deal with a problem the correct way and instead chose to manipulate her mate for what she wants. This isnt acceptable. Maybe she is trying to get him to marry her, if she is she just proved to me that it can never work out between the two of them.

I do wonder how manipulating her back would work out. It could put her in her place, maybe send her a reality check? Then again it could just end in shambles. But i wouldnt take it too hard if it did end, it would have never worked anyways.

[Junket]

online politics.. to which they obviously care for.. I don't.. (it only takes the howl of one bull to cause a stampeed)

That's right bitch, I'm the bull around here!

In any case, I was the first to respond to this thread and my advice has not wavered a bit since my initial response.

Just because several people disagree with you doesn't mean we're all out to get you.

In fact, that should be telling you something.

Online politics.

Hahahahahahaha!

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Ok your decision about goin out and having sex is stupid.Your plan is just as stupid as hers.Do you even know if she has a problem with it?Have you talked to her about getting pussy elsewhere?You give love a bad name by saying you HAVE to cheat on her. Its not a life or death situation. Talk things out with one another and come up with a plan for how to keep you both satisfied without it coming to such ridiculous outcomes. Cheating is not the answer, find a new one.

[misombra]

"hahahaha... some women man and thier tactics..

I hope you're not seriously falling for this.. that's not a REAL new years resolution.. she wants sex, more than YOU do budd"

Don't sweat it. It will come to pass

[GrkScorp]

she wants sex, more than YOU do bud

I try to tell this to every guy I know

I mean; next time you're having sex.. notice YOUR reaction as a guy, the sounds you make (the real ones, not the ones you put on).. and then notice the reactions & sounds she has/makes (the real ones again, if she takes the effort to fake or put on some act aswell)

I guess the best way to see this is during mid-sex.. when it's clear you're not about to be done anytime soon.. and she's just enjoying the pounding and friction.. just listen to her.. or when you go down on her and she's in her own world.. again.. listen.. I know as a guy.. sex NEVER felt THAT good..

And since it never felt THAT good; naturally, I could care much less than she would about the next time we have sex.. because it's not some g-dly-divine sensation i'm missing out on..

But, end of story; the guy is an idiot.. he chose the easiest way out.. very sad..

[vashti]

heheh, is it just me, or did Grk not even recognize when he is being quoted?

[Donrite]

If two people love eachother, they don't play games with eachother.. but before I even go off on that tangent.. let's disprove her love for him..

If SHE loves him.. I mean really loves him.. (reguardless what he does or doesn't do).. she would hold his needs in high reguard and be sensitive to them.. and if in fact one of his needs where sex, which he conveyed to complete online strangers so clearly that they were, then she would NEVER play such games if she really did love him.

When two people are in love; there is no "negotiation, manipulation".. this is what business entities do, what politicians do, where the two parties care about only their own interest and could care less about the other party.. in a loving relationship.. there is "compromise, mutual understanding, civil discussion".. All motives, goals, and information is made clear and is presented up-front.. there is no hidden agenda and hidden motive in a loving relationship.. So by displaying a rather clear "hidden motive" behind her resolution, she has also displayed that there is no LOVE, only SELF-INTEREST on her part.. (not because she's EVIL is some way, it could very well be her age, the child, her working situation, etc.. a ton of factors can come into play and create a sense of imminent FEAR that would cause her to react this way, looking out for her SELF-INTEREST)

But, instead of being hot-headed and reacting irrationally (leaving her and the child, etc).. they should make an effort to work things out.. what SHE has done, is actually the first step in her effort (expressing the problem).. what HE has to do is (address the problem, give motive to come up with solutions), then she will (present solutions), and they will both (accept/reject solutions, compromise, agree on a mutual solution).. the other extreme of being hot-headed is being a wussy.. (bend over to her will and accept her terms as is).. this will come back to haunt him all throughout his married life, no question about it.. so he has to but an end to this cycle before it even begins.. and the way to do that IS to offer extreme resistance to her tactics.. and make her think (oh sh*t, it's not working, now he's pissed, I fcuked up, he might actually leave.. I have to cut this BS out and just talk to him like normal people do).. once that happens.. they can find a mutual solution like people in LOVE do.. but until that happens.. she'll feel like she holds some POWER over him, and everytime she wants her way in the relationship after marriage, she'll invoke this use of this power she feels she has over him..

I like that I still have others to read. I stated to her can we come to a resolution with this. She stated that how can we comprimise. I replied I dunno. She got fraustrated and we just left the subject alone. Now my question to you is? If you were in my shoes would play it cool you know (take her out, go to the movies, spend more time and not mention sex, etc) or would you spend less time and brush her off till she give in.

[Donrite]

I told her let's comprimise she said how do we comprimise about sex. She wants to remain celibate. no sexual activity of any sort. I've check the best way possible for another guy and im %99.99 sure thats not the case. hmmmm.

[Only-virgins]

I told her let's comprimise she said how do we comprimise about sex. She wants to remain celibate. no sexual activity of any sort. I've check the best way possible for another guy and im %99.99 sure thats not the case. hmmmm.

Just leave man! If she wants to cheat on you with Jebus than let her. She just started hating sex and now is making excuses...LEAVE.

[GrkScorp]

Just leave man! If she wants to cheat on you with Jebus than let her. She just started hating sex and now is making excuses...LEAVE.

Yeah; that's what I would say.. only.. there's this small little issue that is just causing this tick in the back of my mind that I can't help but mention.. YOU HAVE A CHILD!

No sex.. no problem.. if you can learn to cope with no sex.. then she'll have to learn to cope with no interest, attention, gifts, affection, validation, special dinners of any sort inside the house, NOTHING outside the house, no financial assistance other than that which the old-British family-law required (basic food, basic clothing, basic shelter & housing).. It's a new way of life.. insist on it..

Let me tell you.. YOU can outlast her if you stick to this gameplan.. SHE won't be able to last; and she'll break.. BUT! It's clear she's irrational, a b*tch, and manipulative (plus; you wimped out.. so now she feels she can ALWAYS pull you by the balls; sucks to be you..).. but you can just play this game out until she concedes.. SHE will concede, no question about it.. be diplomatic, not abusive.. you should tell her this is how it's going to be from now on.. you want to save money for retirement and the child.. so this is how you want your way of life to be from now on.. don't EXPLICITLY make it obvious you're punishing her and throwing the same crap she's throwing to you BACK at her.. even though she'll know, but you don't want to be EXPLICIT about it.. because that would give her a socially acceptable reason to be angry with you.. you want to disguise that behind noble socially acceptable goals (aka. retirement/ child's future)

She's going to crumble.. and when she does.. pick and choose what you want to do.. HONESTLY.. IMO.. I would find someone else; you can't be with someone like her.. you don't WANT to be with someone like her.. find someone else which you can raise this child with; and she'll find the poor b@stard who will be more than happy to tolerate her games & manipulation.. but that guy should NOT be you..

[GrkScorp]

I stated to her can we come to a resolution with this. She stated that how can we comprimise. I replied I dunno. She got fraustrated and we just left the subject alone.

You have to get passed looking at the face-value of what people say; especially when they're older (scratch that; at any age)..

You: Can we come to a resolution with this?
- "Aha! I knew you couldn't last without sex!"
Her: How can we compromise?
- "I don't want to be the one to propose marriage; that would just come off as me being a b*tch; so i'll let HIM suggest it as a compromise instead.."
You: I dunno.
- "ugh! what an idiot! what do I have to do to make him... wait! Ahahaa! just keep not having sex; maybe he hasn't gone crazy enough yet.. and heck, i'm still getting him to do stuff around the house, help me with things, he still gives me money and gets me stuff, we still go places and do things, etc.. so it's not like I'M suffering.. ahahaha.. we'll wait and see how fast your "I don't know" turns into a "will you marry me?".."
Her: :becomes frustrated and ends conversational thread:

There you go.. THAT'S what happened..

So; when talking to a woman like her.. CONTEXT & CONTENT mean very little; don't focus on WHAT she's saying.. only WHY she's saying it.. what MOTIVE does she have behind saying something? where is she GOING with this and LEADING it towards?

If you can't think like this.. (I feel really bad for you.. really REALLY bad for you.. )

[Mish]

I like that I still have others to read. I stated to her can we come to a resolution with this. She stated that how can we comprimise. I replied I dunno. She got fraustrated and we just left the subject alone. Now my question to you is? If you were in my shoes would play it cool you know (take her out, go to the movies, spend more time and not mention sex, etc) or would you spend less time and brush her off till she give in.

Neither. You need to have a serious conversation with her about where she wants to go from here. That if she wants marriage as a stable environment for your child then you will give it to her, but you don't want to be pressured or manipulated into it and you don't want her to use sex as a weapon against you.

But I think this is what it all comes down to. It looks like she's down to her last resort tactic. You need to marry her or leave.

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, I have a low tolerance for bull-sh*t.. so that just totally skipped over my head..

.. let it be a personal lesson to grow and better yourself as a person in removing and detatching yourself from any personal agenda and biases when advising people..

To the first: take your time. There are online dictionaries for you to go look up the big words, no problem.

To the last: nice try. You still have much to learn young grasshopper.

GS, I sit back and read these posts from you and realize just how very young you are. Its okay, tho, as you are possessed of a reasonable intelligence. Not the best I've seen, but enough that you should be able to work through some of your issues with a bit more experience under your belt. Total objectiveness isn't always a virtue btw, and as a scientist, I speak w/some authority on this. You should listen to other men like LilWing and learn from their ability to consider several sides of an issue and balance objectiveness with humanity. It really helps with dealing with people.

[IndiReloaded]

You have to get passed looking at the face-value of what people say; especially when they're older (scratch that; at any age)..

You: Can we come to a resolution with this?
- "Aha! I knew you couldn't last without sex!"
Her: How can we compromise?
- "I don't want to be the one to propose marriage; that would just come off as me being a b*tch; so i'll let HIM suggest it as a compromise instead.."
You: I dunno.
- "ugh! what an idiot! what do I have to do to make him... wait! Ahahaa! just keep not having sex; maybe he hasn't gone crazy enough yet.. and heck, i'm still getting him to do stuff around the house, help me with things, he still gives me money and gets me stuff, we still go places and do things, etc.. so it's not like I'M suffering.. ahahaha.. we'll wait and see how fast your "I don't know" turns into a "will you marry me?".."
Her: :becomes frustrated and ends conversational thread:

There you go.. THAT'S what happened..

So; when talking to a woman like her.. CONTEXT & CONTENT mean very little; don't focus on WHAT she's saying.. only WHY she's saying it.. what MOTIVE does she have behind saying something? where is she GOING with this and LEADING it towards?

If you can't think like this.. (I feel really bad for you.. really REALLY bad for you.. )

Donright, consider you are taking advice from someone who has very little experience (relatively) with longterm relationships and has NEVER been married.

Not trying to dis GS, but regulars here know he is more opinionated than experienced.

Vash, Giga, Miso, Mish, and myself (married for over 15 years) have ALL had significantly more experience in these situations. Our own and all the people we have known over the years.

Trust your gut, try to stay reasonable, stick up for yourself if she gets unreasonable but do not get into these silly 'power games' of attempted manipulation. They will only backfire on you. If not sooner, then certainly later.

And I would suggest you visit your local library and pick up any of the several excellent books about relationships and deciding whether one is ready to get married. It is totally normal to be wondering/worried about it. Let her read it also and then DISCUSS. Like two ADULT human beings who have a child together. If you can't do this now and the only way to reach a solution is through manipulation, then I would certainly suggest you NOT get married b/c it will only get worse.

Remember: people only use the techniques they KNOW about. Those who use sneaky manipulation only do so b/c its the only thing they know. Educate her, and yourself, about the benefits of clear, open communication. Good luck.