This is my first post, so I thought I would share a little bit about myself with the rest of you. I'm 25 this year. This story starts when I was 19. She was 18 at that time. She wanted to become a nurse and I a medical doctor. Upon graduation from high school, she hadn't quite attained the marks to enter nursing at the same university I was attending. I was studying sciences and did all in my power to help her achieve. In her quest to improve her marks, I gave her emotional support and tutoring. She always thought I was smart and admired me very much in that way. By the beginning of the next school year, she had started nursing. So very proud I was to see her achieve her goals. I also had a sense of being at least partly responsible for helping her achieve her goals. Skipping a lot of events that were in between, we now look at 2007. She is a new graduate of nursing, now working in the hospital and I am now a med student, studying away from home. She is 24 in october of this year and realizes that her prime is now. Nurses from her graduating class are almost all engaged or married now and I can see she is itching to get married soon as well. As I am still studying, plus years of residency after graduation, she would need to wait a while before I would be ready to ask. Plus, she is certainly quite lonely without me being by her side. Likewise, I suffer the same. Thus, she told me that she needs to think about our relationship. There is also uncertainty in her mind about the possibility that I may not come back for her.
We have had lots of good times together and I still love her dearly. She knows this, but in some turn of events, perhaps because of the length of the relationship, she currently does not feel the exact same way as me. The flame has left and has only left her with a feeling of deep caring, but not that of passion. And when the passion leaves, then the thinking comes. Reasons why I might not be a good mate.
She has expressed negative things about me, which although true, are only a product of my personality. I enjoy personal time more than group time - then again I know of many men who enjoy spending time with their counterparts alone, rather than in groups. She likes the groups. She has also expressed my negativity and cynicism towards life. Admittedly, my childhood could be the underlying cause, but I am struggling slowly to work that out. I only recently took the opportunity to forgive mom, something I have not been able to do for years. In any event, as you can see, I can probably find defense for every claim that she makes. Point is that she now raises these issues.
I have now prepared for the worst and may need to accept that she will find another. The hardest part is that she has been part of the reason I have been able to maintain a state of sanity in this new place. Being away from surround one with many people, but always leaves a person alone. I will know soon enough if she finally tells me that it is the end of the line.
I bought her a diamond pendant with necklace that I saved a long time for that I was going to give her when I returned from school June, 2008. At the time of the purchase, I said to myself that I would spend money on one nice thing for myself. Instead, I spent it on her because I knew that would be a present for myself. But now, it seems that it might have to stay in the jewellery box for a long time to come.
I am still hopeful, but I thought I would share this with everyone here. Hope you found this a worthwhile read