lost in Love:upset:

[aquagift021]

I am now in a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend, however until now I still don’t know if I love him or my feelings with him is just an “awa”. Her mom died at a very early age and his dad married another girl thus making him feel that he is an orphan or he do not have a family. He has no directions in life. When I came into his life, he said that everything changes. He appreciates when I advice him on the right thing to do. He reduced his alcoholic habits, quit smoking and had a more positive attitude towards life as compared to his old life. Despite of this, my family still don’t want him for me since He do not have any stable job. I am working in a very good company and they worry my future if I marry him. I pushed him a lot to find a job, he said yes but he is still in his old job. I give him money to invest in a sari-sari store, bought a videoke machine as an additional income and it seems that he is able to manage it. However, he still borrows money from me especially when he is really short. He provide medicine and food for his old and sick dad which is the reason why he always runs-out of money.

However, I am still thinking that if he really is capable of handling things, he should have pursued to find a better job. I offered to support him if He wants to go abroad but then nothing is happening.

I would really like to help him however I am not sure if I want to marry him. I tried to tell him for us to stay as friends, but he told me that he will die if I leave him. I am then not sure if I am staying in a relationship because of love, or because this might be the position where God want me to be, to help him and change His life. I think I love him because I am affected if he is lost, sad, sick or lonely.

Now, I am confused. I don’t want to say goodbye to him because I am afraid he will get lost again, But I think staying in a relationship where I doubt my feelings is wrong because I am unfair to him. At this moment, I just lift everything to Him, To lead me to the right path because I am really at a lost. Please help!

Thanks for your time.

[Only-virgins]

You sound like a crutch for him to lean on. Something doesn't sound right here. Your feelings are reasonable.

[TheSphinx]

This fellow seems to depend on you, not just to make financial ends meet, but for his own stability.

Are you prepared to take on all of this, on top of your already established career and life obligations?

Marrying for the sake of saving someone from a situation doesn't sound like a good idea, to me.

~Sphinx

[aquagift021]

Hi All,

Thank you for your response. In a way,I am feeling that he totally depend on me. However, I do not know what to do. Should this thing prevail over the love he has for me?Is there any good move I need to do?

Thanks again...

[TheSphinx]

Financial issues are one of the top reasons for divorce, aqua.

Add this to an already existing uncertainty of the reason behind your love for him, and I see this as a very unstable marriage.

I know you're worried about him getting lost again, and I can recall a few times when a woman had to tell me that I wasn't up to par.

It was painful when it happened, but looking back, that was exactly what I needed at the time to grow.

The choice is yours, but keep in mind that sometimes the loving decision is not always what it seems to be.

~Sphinx

[Gigabitch]

DO NOT marry this person. You are not equally matched. He's a burden for you to carry, and you're going to have enough to do in life without that. if you have kids, it will become too much to bear.

Believe me. I had a quasi-loser boyfriend too, and I thought I was strong enough to take care of everything, but I wasn't. I married him and he just about wore me out. I'm still recovering.

Please, please listen to me. Life is too precious to spend it with someone who doesn't even value it, as he clearly doesn't.

You can care about him. You can even help him. Just don't tie him around your neck, because he will drag you down.

[vashti]

I am then not sure if I am staying in a relationship because of love, or because this might be the position where God want me to be, to help him and change His life.

Isn't it God's job to do the saving?

You sound like a nice girl, but sometimes having to bear too much responsibility for someone who is supposed to be our equal turns nice girls into not-so-nice girls who are full of bitterness. Don't let this be you.

[aquagift021]

Hi All,

Again, thanks for these responses. It is really a big help since third party advices will really give you a clearer picture of your current situation. It is really worth-thinking if I should continue this relationship. And if letting go is the solution, then I should be ready for it.

However, may I also seek some advice on how to start it off?I mean how can I let go without totally hurting him?