Will You Entertain Him?

[haz4ever]

Recently my friend has a question for me, I not quite sure so I though I can ask here. My friend has been always wondering if a guy sms someone for 2 weeks straight for example and you are not interested in him, will you still entertain him to reply or stop at any chance you have?

Thanks.

[vashti]

If your friend is a nice person, she will find a subtle way to let him know she isn't interested so he doesn't waste his time.

[Illusional]

shut him down from the beginning and stop wasting both your and the guy's time.

raverboy

[FoxyLaydee]

How did he get her number if she wasn't interested?

Anyway, let him know that his constant messaging is not appreciated. Don't lead him on. It can get ugly - BTDT!

[GrkScorp]

How did he get her number if she wasn't interested?

How it usually happens;

- She failed to come up with some excuse on the spot (my phone is broken, i'm changing phones, I don't have a phone I use smoke signals to communicate, let me get your number instead because I don't like giving out my number to people, etc)

- She didn't give him a fake-number

So in feeling bad and not resisting the urge to be "polite & nice", she ended up giving him her number

Then, the guy texts back.. she gets sucked into the frame of being nice with him, and it keeps growing uncomfortable for her, but she doesn't have the heart to stop, but at the same time is frustrated to have to keep trying hard to keep this up and be nice and polite to the guy..

Honestly, she's not "entertaining" him.. she's secretly praying every night before she goes to bed, that he'll stop calling her so she doesn't have to end up ignoring him and feel like a b*tch about it later..

It's a tough situation to be in, but the best thing the guy can do is just stop calling.. Let him call, talk one time, seed the conversation, and say that he's busy, "I have to go.. blah blah.. call me this weekend.. bye".. Honestly, if she doesn't call that weekend, stop calling! End of story, period..

As a guy, to understand the situation a little better.. try and picture a girl texting (sms-ing) you..

- Seriously, take a second.. and as you're reading this.. picture a girl.. about 6'4" & 400lbs. with oily hair, crusty lips, unshaved legs, rolls on her rolls, smells like rancid feet & dirty crotch, has yellow/brown teeth, smokes, is sexually explicit and wants to have sex with you badly.. she's madly in love with you, she wants you..

Now, you obviously don't want to be rude to her; you don't want to look rude, but you also don't want to feel rude.. so you try and be as polite/nice/friendly as possible.. She asks you for your number.. What are you going to do? Say "no"? No, you're not.. at that moment, you're caught off guard, and you're going to end up giving it to her..

Then she's going to keep texting (sms-ing) you.. what are you going to do? Reply back, just to be friendly.. you don't want to feel "rude".. but the more you are "nice & polite", the deeper the hole you dig for yourself.. you find yourself trapped in a world of frustration with her constantly texting you.. It's only a matter of time until you can't take it anymore and you completely ignore her.. But until that moment comes; what have you been doing? Have you been "entertaining" her? No.. you were just being "nice & polite" so that you would not feel rude..

I'm not saying it's right.. Just that this is what you would have been doing.. But in doing so, you were leading her on, being unclear, stimulating her emotions, fantasy, and imagination with "hope".. And the only reason was a selfish one, (so that YOU wouldn't feel rude).. believe it or not.. the best course of action, and least selfish, (most considerate) is actually telling her "no" when she asks for your number.. (yes, you come off as rude, and you may feel rude, but you are actually being very nice by allowing her to avoid a more painful fate in the future)

"Entertaining" implies something more deviant.. a self-interest motive not exclusive to (not feeling rude), but also (seeing how much this person really likes me, how much they're willing to do/say, so I can validate my own sense of worth & value and feel more attractive).. all of that at the other person's expense.. This goes beyond insensitive.. but it's actually rarely the case..

So, hopefully now you get a better idea of the situation.. as you start to realize how it comes off; and what the dynamic is in this interaction.., you'll start to realize on your own what your friend should do.. what's important is that "he" realizes what he should do.. and how to avoid this situation in the future..

Best,

GrkScorp

[FoxyLaydee]

Wow - TYVM GrkScorp for your explanation.

I have never had problem saying "give me yours and when I have the time I'll text you" - politely. Does it take you a long time to come with an excuse??

Just wondering...

[vashti]

How did he get her number if she wasn't interested?

Anyway, let him know that his constant messaging is not appreciated. Don't lead him on. It can get ugly - BTDT!

People give out their numbers when they are trying to decide if they are interested or not. I wouldn't invest more meaning in to it than that.

[GrkScorp]

Does it take you a long time to come with an excuse??

Well.. an excuse is a departure from the truth, so any way you try and cut it.. it's a lie.. so.., moral restrictions start to kick in..

But after it happens a couple of times, you sort of know what you should have said, so the next time it happens, you automatically know what you should say:

- No
- I don't out my number to strangers
- Give me your number and i'll call you
- Sure! here you go! 555-5555