okay well im going to try to make this has clear and short as possible....well me and this girl have been talking off and on for awhile..somethings happened each of those times and we stopped talking for some months..then we found each other again. Yea we met on myspace..but later found out we attended the same college...but anyway we started talking again and it was slow at first...then things happened and we both caught strong feelings for each other and it was wonderful. We both didnt have a ride but she had her cuzins car and also a phone from which she would call from and we would talk to each other everyday and see each other when we could. But then i messed up and she forgave me for that and it was rocky for a little while but things got back on track and we had our first valentines day which was great lol, but little things happened but it wasnt anything that we didnt talk though..and hell even laugh at.

But a couple of weeks ago we had a bad arguement and she threatened to break up with me and you know how we do sometimes..we beg for the girl to stay which i had to probs doing because i love her and she decided to stay..but ill post what she said in a blog right now.



I feel as if no matter what I do it is not good enough for the people around me. I try and I try but it never works,,,, I even try to right the wrongs I have done to others and myself.... I thought I / we was over the things that happened ... hell I have even forgave you for lying to me ..as I have done.. but something doesn't seem right???... maybe it's not...... maybe there shouldn't be and you and me.......maybe I should get myself straight and just worry about me.... Let things go?... I am not really sure ... I know I have love for you and I know you say you have love for me but I see nothing other than questions froming on your side, What is there for us to do .. keep guessing and going on your past experiences or be one of our own?... It seems no matter what I do or say It's never the right thing for you!.... I have done all I can do ... Yes I did my dirt just like you have but it seems you are the only one questioning what we have .... you say there is something you need to talk about ... and you also say we have an open relationship and you can talk to me about everything but it seem s your holding back ... I dont know what you want from me but I do know it seems like your not happy.. I do not have you by your hand and I am not holding you back if you want to walk away by all means do it...... I don't know what else to say or do to prove that I am in this one hundred percent... I have shared stuff with you and I ahve even talked to you about things that I don't even talk to my family about and this is how you feel?.... maybe I am tasking things to an extreme but what am I to do???.... I ahve to be honest ... at this point I am not sure if I even want to be in a relationship ... and to be honest I don't think you are even sure what you want..... I know I said I was over you writing your ex and all but I ahve to be honest YOU ****ED UP.... you should have never did ... it I am your girl not her.... if you needed to get something off your chest you should have came to me ... bottom line not her..... that was real ****ed up..... I just wonder how long this will last ... not long I am guessing ...Is the end is near?? ........... PEACE!

But yea i wrote a letter to my ex just trying to get closure on what happened with me and her...trying to not let it effect us now but i messed up with that too. But she decided to stay..but that sunday she calls me and breaks it off with me. Citing her parents and her needing to focus on her job the reason why...her parents dont like the interracial thing and her last boyfriend was black and he stalked her and threatened her..and the dad had to get involved ..and im black. So she was saying that we would still talk everyday and all that jazz. but our communication has pretty much stopped and this is a span of 2 weeks. I wrote a letter just saying how i feel..and her responce was this..


wow... that was deep!..... look terrence i love you and always will....... you kno why i had to do what i did .... i am sorry if you dont but i had to do it!!!.......

.........maybe i am worng for it but i dont feel that way i feel i did what i had to do ..... I dont really know what to say ....
........ya i know conversation hasnt been all that great but it is kinda hard becuz i dont want to give in to my own feelings if you understand what i am saying.... .... ... . . . . . .

Look ... i will always care about n have love for you but you have to understand i am NOT willing to lose my family again over a man ......but well i have to go bye.

But yea i havent been getting good sleep and im being woke up by anxiety, i love to write so ive been right like mad trying to deal with all this and talk to anyone that would listen or give me good advice. But yea i go on her page and see her talking to everyone else but me..it hurts. My biggest weakness is that i hate to be ignored...and its like if you dont mean what you say then dont say it meaning...the whole us talking thing. But to my friends advice i asked 3 question and here are the questions and responces to it.

But just answer me these 3 questions and i wont ask anymore

1.The break up was for your parents right? and was there any other things?
---- yES AND NO ... MAINLY FOR THEM BUT IT WAS ALSO CUZ I DIDNT WANT TO HIDE SHYT ANYMORE

2. was part of the reason was because i wasnt in school or job?? did you feel like you would have to take care of me?
----- NO I KNEW YOU WERE TRYING..... THAT WASNT SHYT TO ME

3. Do you see a future for us long term later?
----- MAYBE WHEN I DOD WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY HEAD STRAIGHT
...... BUT I AM FIXIN TO RUN TO THE BANK I WILL BE BACK SHORTLY... TTYL


so i dont know and im sorry this is SOOO long but you have to know the key parts to give the best advice...so what should i do?? i want her back and care for her....but i dont want to drive her away. So should i just not talk to her or what?? what are you guys getting from all this??