Why is awkward to talk to some girls?

[d1sturbanc3]

hmm this is an interesting forum I've found. So here's my first post.

I have this weird thing that occurs when I talk to some girls especially when some I find one attractive. It's like I can't carry a conversation. I ask a question, and I get a simple return. There isn't a discussion; it's like a talking to a wall. Or they simple talk in a very quite voice. I ask how they are doing, and they respond "fine" or "good." And then there's a pause. I proceed to ask how class or how did you do on the test trying to get something going, and I pretty much the same answer. I mean what do I have to do to get some kind conversation?

I can talk to some girls just fine, but most of them are in a relationship, engaged, or married. I get really really confused. I liked this girls, b/c I can talk to her quite a bit, and we could carry a conversation, but when I asked to hang out or do something I find out she has a boyfriend which she didn't mention until the very end. Those who are engaged or married, I can carry a conversation.

But those who I know are single or guess are single, it's like they act weird around me, or is it just me? I refuse to believe, I can act that differently around girls around me.

I'm 23 and really haven't dated that much through college. I mean I "hang out" once or twice playing pool or grabbed a drink. My major was really demanding, and I didn't have any socializing. I graduated in Dec and settle in job about to hit grad and want to date a little, but it's driving me nuts.

I was electrical engineering major, and the place I work and the classes is like a monastery. I mean it's a sausage fest. If there is a girls, she probably looks a guy (I've seen girls with hairy legs in my class before). Therefore I don't get interaction with women, and I'm trying to change that. I don't care if I make a fool of myself with girls, but I don't get why I can't carry a conversation. What's going on?

[gHEXjt]

I mean it's a sausage fest.

LMAO!

Okay, here's the deal...I'm no stud at picking up women at bars or anything but I can carry a conversation with one. You need to be able to walk before you run, so you first need to develop the ability to carry on in conversation, and then develop what works in terms of conversation to pick up girls.

When someone asks you, "How are you?" Or "how did that test go?" I can't imagine you burst into massive dialogue that takes all sorts of time. You need to have a set plan, and ask about things that will keep them talking and can lead into other parts of a convo. Think about things people ask you that keep you talking. Ask things that warrant opinions, not a straight and quick answer.

[SallyMar]

I noticed a lot of guys that are nervous/awkward/obviously coming on ask too many questions. if you see how friends talk to one another, it's usually statements instead of questions.

[GrkScorp]

But those who I know are single or guess are single, it's like they act weird around me, or is it just me? I refuse to believe, I can act that differently around girls around me

Summary & Overview: This post will talk about why men typically encounter a negative reaction when trying to start a conversation with women.. After accounting for the reaction men get.. we will explore the reaction from the point of view of a guy.. compare and contrast.. and then explore ways to avoid getting this reaction.. (This segment of GrkScorp's posts brought to you by Vashti! LF member since 02-12-05)

Let's begin with the opposite sex.. (in your case.. women).. To understand the very basic nature.. please refer to Exhibit A: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/21653-dicy-situation.html#post330123[/url] .. Some key concepts to keep in mind as you're reading through my posts there;

- Desires and fears will create a "full-circle" effect

- There is realization & awareness of sexual appeal as a force of "attraction"

- There is a desire to validate the ego & sense of self-worth to feel that there is more to her than just her "sex appeal"

- This desire feeds on attention, validation, and love

- There is therefore a thirst to feel that aspects of her character and personality are "worthy, of value, & desireable"

- There is therefore a fear of feeling like the "only" thing a man wants from her is sex.. because it would actually have the opposite effect on validating her ego & self-worth

- To avoid this fate.. many defensive mechanisms are established.. of the more famous.., pride in being "hard to get" & "not easy"..

- Again.., this will complete the circle in making her constantly feel like the prize.. being chased after.. but if chased for the "wrong" reason.. the entire circle works against the man chasing her.., and will get him nothing but a negative reaction..

This is not only true in a longer time-frame.. but it actually applies almost entierly to approaching and talking for the first time to someone new.. The shorter the time-frame.. the more this controls.. We'll talk about how this works later on.. but for now.. let's explore the male point of view..

Case: I'm in class.. and a girl I don't really know starts to talk to me.. (interest).. trying to hold the conversation (interest).. frozen body language & being nervous (interest).. can't contain her smile (interest).. laughing at something I said that wasn't really that funny (interest).. testing and baiting me after some point (interest).. and then saying bye to me as she realized she was walking towards the wrong elevator (interest).., Right off the bat.. you may think to yourself as a guy.. "this is flattering.. what's the problem?".. there is no problem.. that's why we're the opposite sex.. but here IS what DID go through my mind.. as a guy.. "She's interested in me.. why?".. and in a matter of just a fraction of a second.. I failed to conclude that it was because of anything related to me as a person (humor, smart, fun, etc..).. the list kept going.., I did nothing for her to genuinely like.. she actually opened up the interaction! Opening for no reason really.. the way she opened telegraphed a LOAD of interest.. but again.. "why? why was she interested?".. and when I fail to answer that question with something.. the only default answer is.. "she's just interested in my looks".. and you guessed it.. as a guy.. I can only take it in the most flattering way.. guys don't really have a "fear" of girls wanting them only for sex.. so we can only enjoy that situation.. it's flattering.. but let's keep that in mind.. and explore how it is from a woman's point of view..

Hypothetical Case: You "see" someone you "like".., and you go over to start a conversation with them.., and in the process.., you imply "interest".. Can you see where this is going? Do you see what you just did? You just set the whole circle on fire! In just a fraction of a second.. her unconscious has rationalized that "(1). this guy is interested in me, (2). why? (3). Not for my personality, he knows nothing about me.. we haven't even met but he's clearly interested.. (4). Therefore it must be because of my looks.. (5). Therefore he must just want sex.. (6). I don't want to feel like the only reason i'm desireable and wanted is because of just sex.. (7). Must motivate the conscious mind to get this guy away before I run the risk of giving negative validation to the ego".. (it's called the "unconscious" for a reason.. because we're NOT consciously aware of it).. but i'll tell you what she's very quickly, and very "consciously" aware of.. the "feeling" she gets.. the "vibe" she picks up from you.. and that vibe is.. "eww.. this guy is creepy, desperate, needy, etc.. blah blah blah.. unattractive"..., the more you continue.. the more uncomfortable she feels.. and the more she wants to stop talking to you (ignore).. exit from the situation (excuse to go).. or get you to leave (play the role of the b*tch)..

Note: This also explains part of the reason why girls feel so nervous to go up and talk to a guy.. because they feel this way.. they "think" the guy they are going to talk to and "initiate" a conversation with will feel the same way.. when she implies "interest"..

Notice: How women are actually in the better position to initiate considering the nature of guys.. also notice how girls may "say" they would "want/like" a guy to approach them in some way.. but if it were to happen "exactly" as they wanted it to.. they would still not feel the "magic".. This is why you often get women wanting it to "just happen".. "naturally".. "by fate".. "by luck".. because it's almost impossible to not set the circle on fire any other way (unless you know how to open properly; explained below)

Ways to avoid this fate:

- Don't communicate, subcommunicate, or otherwise imply or suggest "interest" in any way when you initiate a conversation or as you maintain the interaction in the early stages.. please refer to Exhibit B: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/personal-development-forum/21193-opening-my-situation.html[/url]

- You must "quickly" qualify and see for yourself if you even really like this person.. (notice, in doing so.. you are also exposing yourself to the positive risk of finding legitimate reasons to be interested in her as a person.. in which case it's ok to start to imply interest in her.. because this interest is now legitimate)

Best,

GrkScorp

[1averagejoe]

I was electrical engineering major, and the place I work and the classes is like a monastery. I mean it's a sausage fest. If there is a girls, she probably looks a guy (I've seen girls with hairy legs in my class before).

I know what you mean...I'm an ME. I actually was planning on being an EE but that stuff is really demanding, tedious, and well I got kind of bored with it.

My dad is a Chem Engineer, he said when he was in college him and his friends in engineering used to joke when one of their friends got a girlfriend. "My girlfriend, Butch."

Women and engineering don't mix to often...there's usually that one that's good looking, but more than likely taken. Which I just recently found out .

[miSSleepy]

It could be that the girls you usually talk to are not very confident or used to getting much attention from guys. You say that the ones who are taken offer better communication - they're probably more self-assured.

[MadKat]

I was electrical engineering major, and the place I work and the classes is like a monastery. I mean it's a sausage fest.

I was EE, and I know how you felt when u mention monastery. Well it is more like banana farm...to be exact. One thing for sure, if you wanna carry on conversation with girls, treat them like guys friend...only be on the gentlement side.

Pick a general topic for a starter...then continues from there after.