Dicy Situation.....

[guitarboy]

There is this girl who says that i am attracted to you but i dont love you....now this makes me go bonkers,i mean i really cant understand this.

i understand that she isn't ready for a relationship yet but she sure has some kind of feelings for me.we talk about 3-4 hours a day over the phone and also see each other at least for an hour a day.

she says i am a very good guy ,she rated me 7 on 10 on the goodness scale. but to my surprise she says i don't love you i just feel attracted to you

Now what does this mean ? ( to clarify its not about sex,she has plainly refused sex with me....so it has to be something else.... )

since she is attracted to me,is there any chance that her feelings will develop over time and she begins to love me......isnt it that she feels attracted to me gives me a better opportunity and edge for love to happen in near future ? and if so what should i do to make it happen.

i really lover her and want to be with her forever.

Thanks for all the help.

[Gigabitch]

She's too young, maybe.

[guitarboy]

She is 20.i dont think thats thay young age.
But do i have a chance?

[FoxyLaydee]

Sometimes people are just physically attracted to someone else - nothing more. It has to take a lot more than that to have someone love you.

[GrkScorp]

she says i am a very good guy

That means nothing.. that's similar to someone saying.. "I think you're really nice" or, "I think you're really sweet"... "but.."..., it's one of those comforting remarks made to not let the other person fall down too hard.. "don't worry Timmy.. you didn't really lose the soccer game.. nobody is really a loser.. you did score a goal! that's all that really matters right? Didn't you at least have fun? See.. everyone is really a winner.."

she rated me 7 on 10 on the goodness scale.

What the...? That's not even an overall scale.. an attractiveness scale.. or a personality scale.. what the hell does a "goodness" scale mean anyway?

i really lover her and want to be with her forever.

(one-itis; n: A mental state a person reaches where they can only think about "one" specific person belonging to the opposite sex "or same sex if they are homosexual". What makes this different from an acceptable romantic-state is that the feelings and emotions are uni-directional and the other person does not feel the same emotions/feelings, therefore one is placed/trapped in this trance where it becomes an obsession and cannot focus on other romantic/sexual partners around them "often times, above and beyond the quality of the person they are obsessed over" and they start to ignore friends, family, and the world around them, this "one" person quickly becomes the center of their universe.)

Now.. one-itis is perfectly acceptable when you're actually "in" a relationship with that other person.. but it's totally unacceptable when you're "out" or more logically sound, "not in" a relationship with someone..

Tell us a little bit more about the situation.. about yourself.. and about her.. It's not like there's some "secret combination" that will work for everyone.. and on that note.. i'll leave you with some eye-candy to help with your one-itis..

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=Uktanx8IWg8"]YouTube - Kalomoira - Secret Combination - Eurovision 2008 Greece[/ame]

(Note: don't forget to vote for her "song" cough cough.. in the Eurovision Song Contest)

Also.. play the video back as many times as you need to.. as you listen to the lyrics and words of the song.. try and think about who this song is targeting.. (it's not like any boy is going to blast this up in his car as he's going around the block).. think about what that means.. at a very basic level.. what a girly mentality is.. part of "female ego"..., "i'm not an open book".. "i'm not easy".. "boy you'll have to ____".. "to WIN a destination to the center of my heart".. all in one song.. and what exactly is this boy winning a destination to? What is the message they as subcommunicating? (yes.. that's right.. it's sex.. she's not exactly singing the song while writing poetry or drawing.. she's shaking her ass in a low-cut dress and somehow dancing in 4-inch heals "every Greek girl can do this btw".. masters of wh0ring themselves out).. so that's all the guy will be "winning" a destination to.. the heart of an "expensive hooker with an ego".. listen to it as many times as you need to.. think of yourself as a little girl listening to this song.. thinking about the guy you like.. and try and imagine yourself absorbing the messages it's giving you.. just try and imagine the fantasy of that guy chasing you.. the validation and sense of being (desired & wanted) you'll get from that chase.. and why that message of "i'm not easy" and "boy you'll have to ___"... just to "WIN a destination to the center of my heart".. holds so much appeal to it's intended and targeted audience & listeners..

When you understand it from the point of view of the targeted listeners.. and get a good feel for a very basic form of & part of "female ego".. you'll do a much better job of avoiding being this guy:

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=c4sbgrr69L4"]YouTube - Eurovision 2008 - Kostas Martakis - Always and forever LIVE[/ame]

(one-itis.., exactly)

Best,

GrkScorp

[guitarboy]

The system didnt allow me to post the url....so i am pasting the things for which i have asked advice earlier.
This will make things clearer.....

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I have a close friend,altough i have proposed to her she says that i know every time i say " i love you " to her.

Well she takes her time out of her busy schedule everyday and spends an hour with me,almost everyday.So lately i started getting intimate with her and kissed her and since that night i got a sms from her saying that we should stop seeing each other and put an end to our friendship forever as i am demanding to much ( she thinks i want only sex and thats not right ) and she cant stretch it that far as we are not into any relationship.However i convinced her that i have no such intentions of that sort and i just love her and show my affection.

but what i can say is that we have talked about everything under the sun ,also told erotic stories involving both us.We talk on the phone for hours sometimes all night long and she also says that she is attracted to me but doesn't love me


i really cant understand her mindset.

she says she isn't ready for a relationship but these subtle hints make me think otherwise and are driving me bonkers.I really don't understand that does she like me or not or is there something else on her mind or she needs time?

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[GrkScorp]

she thinks i want only sex and thats not right... However i convinced her that i have no such intentions of that sort and i just love her and show my affection.... she also says that she is attracted to me but doesn't love me

i really cant understand her mindset.

she says she isn't ready for a relationship but these subtle hints make me think otherwise and are driving me bonkers.I really don't understand that does she like me or not or is there something else on her mind or she needs time?

First of all.. "THERE ARE NO SUBTLE HINTS!".. how's this for a hint.. "I'm not ready for a relationship"..

Now.. I urge you to seriously explore the female ego.. because when you do.. you'll stumble upon a very interesting fear that most girls have.. "he only wants me for sex".. "he only likes me for my looks".. "my super-mini and push-up bra weren't enough to show him my personality".. This is pretty similar (though not identical) to the fear most men have as they get older.. "she only wants me for my money"..

Now.. Imagine being older.. and dating a girl who "told you" and tried to "convince you" that.. "Look.. i'm not just after your money"..., I would hope a red flag would pop up.. because these things don't need to be said explicitly.. they're implicit in the actions one takes..

Similarly.., Imagine being her.. just try and put yourself in that position for a moment.. take as much time as you need.. ok.. good..., and as you think about all the needs, wants, desires, hopes, and fears that follow.. imagine meeting this guy.. who you are "attracted" to.. but not "in love with".. You have to ask yourself why this road-block exists.. and i'll save you much time and effort.. (you ignored comfort AND, you failed to make your interest in her legitimate).. As a girl.. this guy "says" he loves you.. "says" he doesn't just want sex.. but he has to say it.. and nothing which he does implies that.. (that's a comfort-killer).. then.., to add to the whole mess.. what exactly have "I" as the girl done for him to have such interest in me? What about me is he interested in? My personality? My nature? My humor? Any talents or skills? How nice I am? How fun I am? How i'm smart? How i'm creative and artistic? What does he like about me? And how did he come to like that about me? When did that take place? (all of that is implicit).. And when she can't rationalize and make certain that your interest in her is legitimate.. she has no choice but to result to the female "gap-filler".. "he just wants sex".. (afterall.. you ARE interested in her.. and if for no other reason.., then the reason must be sex.. that's the logic.. and it's a rationalization I agree with)

Now you know why all of this is happening.. how to fix it is really up to you.. without more details and information to work with.. we can't work wonders..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Lozenger]

(one-itis; n: A mental state a person reaches where they can only think about "one" specific person belonging to the opposite sex "or same sex if they are homosexual". What makes this different from an acceptable romantic-state is that the feelings and emotions are uni-directional and the other person does not feel the same emotions/feelings, therefore one is placed/trapped in this trance where it becomes an obsession and cannot focus on other romantic/sexual partners around them "often times, above and beyond the quality of the person they are obsessed over" and they start to ignore friends, family, and the world around them, this "one" person quickly becomes the center of their universe.)

GrkScorp

Is that the same thing as unrequited love?

X

[GrkScorp]

Is that the same thing as unrequited love?

Very VERY similar.. but one-itis is infatuation.. it's not "really" love.. because it typically hits when two people aren't even in any kind of real relationship.. and when that happens.. a combination of chemicals starts to get released in the brain.. the so-called "love cocktail".. which makes it impossible to think clearly.. and any success you may have had to try and start a relationship with the person you have one-itis over.. is significantly decreased.. to nearly zero.. destined and doomed to failure..

It's so bad.. that you don't even know you're in it.. you NEED an outside party to tell you.. "dude.. you have one-itis".., (i've had it.. many times.. and each time.. has resulted in "no relationship" with the person I had one-itis for).. to get over it.. you either need to take some time off.. for yourself.. and just self-reflect.. take some good time to rationalize and think clearly about everything..., or.. sleep with 5 new people and see if it's still there.. (it usually goes away after the 3rd or 4th)..

Best,

GrkScorp

[MadKat]

or.. sleep with 5 new people and see if it's still there.. (it usually goes away after the 3rd or 4th)..

Best,

GrkScorp

not everyone as lucky as you...

[GrkScorp]

not everyone as lucky as you...

Oh please.. if you want to.. you can do it..

And you don't even really need to "sleep" with "5" "new" people.. just get involved with other people.., that's often all you need to get over infatuation.. that's how"weak" it is.. that's how "non-important & non-real" the feelings are..