Boyfriend is becoming less attractive??

[Stirfry]

I know this might sound pretty shallow, but after almost two years my bf has changed. He's good-looking, just a little skinny. I don't know why but he seems to be less and less masculine. He acts a little nerdier than before, and I wish there was a way to let him know... without hurting his feelings too much. He wants to be intimate with me, but he doesn't understand that certain little things that he does are often unappealing. I wish I could just say "You know, I'd really be all over you if you acted a little more manly and started working out." but of course that would be awful. He's a really fantastic guy, but there's just something lacking with us... what should i do?

[Mish]

He wants to be intimate with me, but he doesn't understand that certain little things that he does are often unappealing.

That doesn't sound good, what kind of things?

[Stirfry]

Once in a while he talks like a 10-year old, and is completely serious when he does. He's 25 and I'm 22, but he makes it seem like I'm dating an 18 year old. It's embarassing. He tries to joke around once in a while, but it always comes out really weird and crude. He's always tired, never wants to do anything fun or exciting, and does not like change. I've thought about leaving him more than a few times, but I really want to help him. It hasnt always been like this, he used to be really normal.

[Ashliejae]

you can no fix him sounds like you two are not a good match, it may be time to go separate ways

[Mish]

I've thought about leaving him more than a few times, but I really want to help him. It hasnt always been like this, he used to be really normal.

I see your dilemma. So what did he used to be like? Perhaps you could encourage some of those positive qualities that went underground. "Hey, remember the time we used to....it was so awesome, I'd really like to do that again"

[GrkScorp]

what should i do?

Slightly related.. I remember telling this Serbian girl I was dating back in high school.. towards the first two weeks we were dating.. "you have such an amazing ass.. it just gets me so incredibly turned on.. you have no idea".. as we were both on the couch.. and as I did that.. I rubbed my hard-on on it.. she got the message.., and thought she would be "smart" and put 1+1 together to try and tease & please me..

In reality.., I wanted her to take my manhood and stroke it next to her butt the whole time.. she had the most amazing tan skin.. and I loved the contrast between her rich tan and her baby-blue or hot-pink thongs.. Could I have said that more directly.. I could have.. but it maybe would have given me a different reaction.. Try and keep that example in mind.. How if you want (C).. and A+B=C.. all you have to do is imply or suggest (A) and then (B).. and let the other person feel like they are putting them both together on their own without you demanding it.. and bam! You have (C).. (more on that below)

The first thing you really have to ask yourself is NOT what behavior of his bothers you.. What is more important.., is what behavior you want from him.. what do you find desireable? When you have a clear picture of that.. then you can work on getting him to drift towards those behaviors.. and as he does.. as he starts to be more masculine.. those behaviors will replace the unattractive ones.. automatically.. so there's no need to say.. "I hate it when you do ____ all the time.. it really annoys me and bothers me.. it's disgusting.. I hate it.. stop it! Grow up! Be a man already! I can't take it anymore! blah blah blah.." That won't get you anywhere..

So.. before I can give you a better and more meaningful answer to your question.. a more complete answer.. a more practical and directly applicable answer.. I need you to do just one more thing Stirfry.., try and think.. about what your definition of "masculine" is.. I know.. it's not easy.. but hopefully the following questions will help you come up with a good picture of what you feel it means for a man to be masculine..

- We form definitions based on models.. and we form models based on past experiences.. So.., as you're reading this now.. think back to some moments.., where you saw a guy, a man, or a masculine figure.. and as you think about those times.. try and remember what it was about them that made them seem masculine.. as you think about that.. try and also get a good feel of how them doing those things or being that way made you feel inside..

- Have there been moments.. either in this relationship.. or in previous relationships.. or even with other guys you were not in a relationship with.. that a guy has done something "masculine" that made you feel some special way inside of you.. where you felt more attracted and perhaps even slightly aroused or turned-on? As you think back to what that was.. try and describe all the little details about it.. and how each detail relates or fits into the definition of what you feel "masculine" is..

- Pick an animal or character.., one you feel captures your definition of what it means to be "masculine".. explain why you feel this was a good choice.. what aspects of this character or animal are symbolic or radiate this masculine energy? Why is this character or animal a symbol of this masculine energy for you? What about it is so raw & masculine?

(Awaiting your reply)

Best,

GrkScorp

[vashti]

I doubt he has changed all that much since you met him. It is probably more that YOU are growing up, and so your perceptions of him are changing. It is common for people in your age range to outgrow each other.

I don't know that this can be fixed. It would be cruel to criticize his physique or his basic personality traits because those things are pretty much inherent. If he isn't a match for you, then consider that you both deserve to be with someone who values you entirely because routinely withholding affection is damaging to the soul.

[Stirfry]

He used to be more masculine... but now he seems more feminine. He doesn't have many male friends... he never tries to impress anyone.
I know what I want in a guy, and it's hard to realize that some of those things will never manifest in him. There was only one other I've ever met that had everything in that sense, but he's long gone now.
The only way I think he'll come around is if he finds a new group of friends and gets some confidence... and finds a way to thrive, physically and mentally. Seems like that will never happen...

[vashti]

Well, you aren't married (yet). Now is the time to remedy whatever problems you imagine exist. Or would you rather wait around until you've married and had a couple of kids?

[Kromat]

He used to be more masculine... but now he seems
more feminine. He doesn't have many male friends... he never tries to impress anyone.
I know what I want in a guy, and it's hard to realize that some of those things
will never manifest in him. There was only one other I've ever met that had
everything in that sense, but he's long gone now.
The only way I think he'll come around is if he finds a new group of friends and
gets some confidence... and finds a way to thrive, physically and mentally.
Seems like that will never happen...

Take him out clubbing some time, take charge If you have too, I know that
should be a guy thing, but he's not man enough to do it, someone has to
take control, another guy thing which he doesn't have.
If he doesn't want to do anything fun, what do you in your spare time?

I have lots of ideas that I could, If I found the right girl that enjoyed
my passions and trying new things.

Probably leaving him now might a solution to your problem, if you continue
to feel this way, either you try to fix him or help him out to become masculine,
motivate him, If that's possible to be less nerdy and fun.

P.S. Seems quite immature for his age it seems, focus on school for now,
and If after you find the right guy afterwards, then go for that.
It's a guys thing to make his girl want to be around him, he can be
fantastic in how he feels about you, but he has to be willing to make it
exciting and enjoy your time together.
What's the use of sticking around in a hopeless relationship ?

[lastwish]

If excitment and thrill is that important to you..find a new romance. Tell him you need a break from him?

[bohemiandonut]

Sounds like you need a real man, baby. (;

Of course, he might be the best you could do. 0 :

[kai]

the best thing yo can do here is tell him to get in shape(politely) . Or ask him what has really got into him? It's better to ask him then doing a break-up without even knowing anything

[Stirfry]

I have told him a couple of times that he should start working out. I exercise every now and then, but he always finds some excuse to not join me. I'm almost tempted to make him jealous and mention all the nice bods I see at the gym when my friend and I go...