I want to be more than just friends, confused by her.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, I come here when I have relationship problems, and it's been a LONG time since I was last here, but of course, I have another problem, and it's different than anything that's happened to me before.

I met a girl who lives in Tennessee (I live in Colorado), through a friend of mine who met her online. Well, I've known her since November now, talked to her, she's wonderful and I'm always thinking about her.

Well, I went to visit her this past weekend and took her to her senior prom (she's 18) and we had a great time, she even said so herself.

The problem I have is that I've totally fallen for her, and she says she still sees me as just a friend. I asked her why that was, and she said she honestly doesn't know. Her friends said she was the happiest they'd ever seen her when her and I were at prom. They said she was glowing, she even said that I'd treated her better than anyone else ever had.
She's never had a boyfriend before, she's never been in love before, and my thinking is that she's just not ready, which is obviously what I'm hoping.

Her mother is over controlling, and tells her everything she's supposed to do. To get her mother to let me take her to prom, we had to lie to her and tell her that I went to college in TN, and that's how I met her. Well, when I flew back to CO Sunday night, her mother found out the truth and flipped. Now her mom took her computer away, took her phone away, made her delete all phone numbers of males from her phone, she has to go to her mom's work after school on her way home, she has to go straight home and call her mom from the house phone so her mom can see the caller ID so she knows that she's not lying about where she is. When she thinks she's not going where she's supposed to, she has her followed. They live in a small town, Crossville, and her mom basically knows everyone and she has no freedom of her own.
For instance, yesterday her mother told her that it's her decision if Tiffany (that's the girl's name) is ALLOWED to go to school at ETSU, and not Tiffany's choice to make. She also said to Tiffany, "You're mine, I own you"

So basically, my problem is I don't know what to think. If I should wait and hope that something could happen in the future, or if I should let it go, and forget about being anything more than friends with her.
I'm going to help her the best I can with her mother, cuz she wants to get out of there and away from her mother for good as soon as she can... which is why she wants to go to college over three hours away.

So any help and advice is much appreciated.

[Kromat]

It depends how much contact you get to have with her, If your both willing to wait until she's in college, it might work out better, and then make up for lost times, because she'll have more freedom,.
If you truly love her, you'll respect her mother as bad as it sounds.
Try to see what works best for her.
Good luck with this, hopefully it'll work itself out.

[Gigabitch]

Don't get in the middle of that. It's going to take Tiffany a while to shake off a mama like that and believe it or not, having a guy around might make it take longer. You'll only complicate her already difficult life.

It won't be long until you're back in touch- I'm sure she's resourceful, but you need to realize that this is her problem, not yours. She hasn't asked you to get her out of this situation. In fact, she's said she wants to stay just friends. I can see how that would be all she can handle right now. You have to respect her wishes. The girl is under pressure. Don't make it worse.

[whitedragon20na]

Don't get in the middle of that. It's going to take Tiffany a while to shake off a mama like that and believe it or not, having a guy around might make it take longer. You'll only complicate her already difficult life.

It won't be long until you're back in touch- I'm sure she's resourceful, but you need to realize that this is her problem, not yours. She hasn't asked you to get her out of this situation. In fact, she's said she wants to stay just friends. I can see how that would be all she can handle right now. You have to respect her wishes. The girl is under pressure. Don't make it worse.

Well I already understand all that, and she goes off to college this fall, which is a good distance away from her mother.

My problem isn't the mother, she's already asked me to be there for her and help her through it, which what I plan on doing.

My problem is that I don't know what to do about waiting until she's ready, and taking a chance that that's why she sees me as just a friend right now, or if I shouldn't.
This is a direct quote from one of her close friends

Yea, to be honest, I'd say she's not ready. I haven't known her THAT long, but it doesn't seem like she hangs out with guys a lot. Like I think you may be the first person that she has seriously liked and she's not sure of what to do with the situation.

[Gigabitch]

My problem isn't the mother, she's already asked me to be there for her and help her through it, which what I plan on doing.

Well, it's too bad she wasn't more clear about where "there" is when she wants you to be there. I guess you're just on hold.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, it's too bad she wasn't more clear about where "there" is when she wants you to be there. I guess you're just on hold.

Well 'there' is just basically being around if she needs someone to talk to. She's gotten ahold of me already, using her friends computer at school, and the computer at her dad's house, and I've talked to her the past couple nights.

[Kromat]

Love is a hard thing to handle, If you've never felt this way before.
I suggest you give her some time to grasp the situation, and stop making her decide for your behave,
it has to an equal union, and when she's ready, she'll tell you.
Enjoy being friends for now, rushing things will make it worse, so take this time to get to know her.

[whitedragon20na]

Yea, I'm not trying to force her to make an sort of decision. I'm just basically hoping that when she's ready, she'll pick me.
I ended up freaking her out last night, and I didn't mean to, but thankfully it's all been straightened out and we're good.

She's leaving for Mexico on Saturday, so I won't get to talk to her again until next weekend, but that gives me a week to calm myself down and get things back to normal between us.

Thank you all for your help, I appreciate it very much so.

[whitedragon20na]

Well there's been an interesting development w/ her parents.

They had a 'family meeting' last night about relationships, sex, ect. Her stepdad says that it's not right for a 24 year old to be interested in an 18 year old. Her mother thought something had happened when she was alone with me in the motel, which is far from the truth. The only thing I did was kiss her, which is as far as my intentions were, and still would be.

Her mother said that I'm not allowed to tell her that I love her anymore, because according to her mother, it's impossible for a guy and a girl to love eachother in a 'friendly' way.

The past week, I've kinda smothered her and put way too much pressure on her, but after talking to my friends and getting help here, I realized that it's best if we just remain friends, and if something happens, then so be it. She's really one of my best friends, and I don't want to lose her.

So right now, I have no idea what to do. I'm afraid of losing such a great friend.

[Kromat]

Well there's been an interesting development w/ her parents.
Her stepdad says that it's not right for a 24
year old to be interested in an 18 year old.
So right now, I have no idea what to do.
I'm afraid of losing such a great friend.

Well what I think they meant was that, she's a different
point in her life than you are, you probably already have a
career planned out and she's just about to embark on further
studies and it would complicate things it seems.

P.S. It must feel bad inside when you thought you have met
the one for you, but has boundaries which you can't cross.
Hope it works out for you, and If you can't make a
relationship, at least a friendship is possible.

[whitedragon20na]

Well what I think they meant was that, she's a different
point in her life than you are, you probably already have a
career planned out and she's just about to embark on further
studies and it would complicate things it seems.

P.S. It must feel bad inside when you thought you have met
the one for you, but has boundaries which you can't cross.
Hope it works out for you, and If you can't make a
relationship, at least a friendship is possible.

Well, I know that's not it. At least, we both know that's not her parents' reasoning. They don't like me, because her mother is way overprotective of her. Well that, and her mother is a bitch, considering her mom told her, "you need to raise your standards when it comes to picking friends and dates" simply because I'm a 'big' guy, and Tiffany knows that for a fact, because her mom gave her a lecture about 'fat guys' and was very mean.

Right now, she knows what she wants to get a degree in already, I forget exactly what it is, but it's a high math degree of some sort, and I already know what I want to do for a living, but haven't gotten my foot in the door yet.
So basically, she's just taking the necessary schooling to get into the field she wants, and I'm working my way into mine.

Right now, her and I are going to be friends, because before all this crap happened with her mother this past week, we were great friends and were very close. So she's on vacation for a week now, and hopefully everything will go back to normal after she gets back.

In the end, if her and I end up together, then so be it, but I'm not going to ruin a great friendship by trying to force her to have other feelings for me.

[Kromat]

"you need to raise your
standards when it comes to picking friends and dates" simply
because I'm a 'big' guy, and Tiffany knows that for a fact,
because her mom gave her a lecture about 'fat guys' and was very mean.

That is just cruel of her, If there is a connection,
it doesn't matter how you look like.
I think that the main thing is the age factor, and
because your a big guy, is an excuse for her as well.
You could try to see about losing some weight and
eating healthier to get more energy and confidence.
That is what I did and I feel so much better.

My friend KOREY is a pretty big guy, but he's a smart & likable guy
and has a girlfriend atm, that I'm pretty sure loves him for who he is.



P.S. At this point it probably is in the friend zone, so try dating
or hanging out with other women between 20-26 years old,
and see If you can find a connection in any of them.

They'll be more ready for a relationship, so don't isolate
your possibilities, you tried to give this girl a shot and
it's just not working at the moment.

[whitedragon20na]

Well, the 'fat guy' thing is really because her mother is mean.
She had a friend that was bigger than me, and he's the same age as her and her mom gave her shit about that too.
I know she likes me for who I am and that my appearance isn't why she sees me as a great friend and nothing more right now.

Her age doesn't bother me, and vice versa because in reality, we're mentally closer than the age difference would indicate. I'm still trying to get my life off the ground right now. She's more mature than her age, but she is still fairly innocent and doesn't have much life experience, and NO relationship experience.

So yea, I'll be living my life out, not putting all my hopes in her and if I happen to find someone else, then so be it, cuz I'll still have Tiffany as a great friend.

[Kromat]

So yea, I'll be living my life out, not putting all my hopes
in her and if I happen to find someone else, then so be it,
cuz I'll still have Tiffany as a great friend.

That's great to hear, relationships come and go,
but friendships can last forever.

[whitedragon20na]

Oh joy, it hasn't ended yet... here's a lovely message I just got from one of her friends, who she used to be close with, but no so much anymore.

You probably don't know who I am but I'm one of Tiffany's friends. You saw me that night you came in with her while we were decorating for prom. I don't know everything about this situation that you two are in, but I know a lot of it. I think you should listen to the advice Kelsey's giving you. There's no way you could've fallen in love with Tiffany over the internet. You may have talked all the time, but her getting in all kinds of trouble over this isn't worth it. You should let it... and her... go. Shit happens for a reason sometimes. I know you love her and all but like Tiffany told you, it isn't you. It's the situation. We told her it wasn't a good idea. You barely know her. So what if you two talk on the internet, she cares about you, it's obvious. It was good for her. I think it helped her with her self esteem and stuff, I mean that in a good way. You really just have to let it all go. You can't develop a serious relationship here, certain things won't allow it. Stay friends. Talk occasionally. But let her go. Find someone else on the internet to talk to and fall in love with them.

I'm just wondering what I should make of this. Since it was completely unexpected and I think it was rather rude.