Helping an insecure girlfriend

[soulstillburns]

I've been dating a wonderful gal for 5 months now, but she's pretty insecure about her appearance. She's in good shape and would look wonderful in modern styles, but she tends to hide herself behind bulky clothes all the time. She's also not especially adept with makeup. The only actual appearance fault that isn't imagined is that her eyebrows are a bit odd, but she wears her bangs very long to hide them (which I think detracts from her face). I didn't realize it when we met, and the way she acts around me I almost refuse to believe it, but she's a very homebody kind of gal, studies hard, doesn't have many friends. When we're together though she's happy and cheerful and loves to go out and see some night life.

We're going to las vegas on vacation, and while I was really looking forward to getting out on the town after being stuck working long hours and long shifts for the past few months, I get the distinct impression she's terribly nervous about it and not at all enthusiastic. She complains regularly about her appearance and always knocks herself down (and constantly jokes that I'm delusional when I say good things about her).

I was thinking I might buy her a gift certificate to a make over / beauty salon. A couple of my exes have gone to such places routinely, but my gf never goes, and very rarely even has her hair done. (her hair is very long and well taken care of, very lovely).

I love her personality, her kindness, her intelligence, and the way she treats other people, (including the way she treats me). I just wish she would treat herself with the same respect and love. I really think that if she had a makeover from a professional, she'd see just how pretty she really is and come out of her shell, but she doesn't' have any friends at the moment who could go with her and I'm currently working a plane ride away.


I'm worried that she'll take a beauty salon gift certificate the wrong way, and I feel like I'm being unfairly critical of her. But some of the things she constantly harps about are starting to be things I notice (like her eyebrows).

Maybe feeling like this means I'm a bad person, but she could be so gorgeous if she tried. I know its unfair of me to ask her to change, but I just see how much potential she has, and wish she knew.

What do you women think? I am just an awful boyfriend?

[vashti]

If you give her a gift certificate to a salon that offers massage/facials as well as make-overs, she could use it however she wishes without being offended.

[Ailish]

As someone who never used to go near a salon...because of the same issues, I initially felt initimidated just at the thought of a facial in a salon. A place full of beautiful preened women. BUT after the facial I was sort of addicted. Got my nails done. My eyebrows and eyelashes tinted.

See if you could arrange a pamper day or something. Start small, and work her up a bit. I still suck with make up lol

[sine24]

maybe offer to go and get pampered together. obviously, not to get a manicure and pedicure, but go to one of those spa treatment places first. that would get her comfortable with the idea of treating herself and then maybe she'll think twice about showing off her beauty. start with this and see how she likes it. if she develops a bit of confidence after this, maybe suggest to her: "hey sweetie, you seemed like you really enjoyed being pampered, you should do that more often and have more time to yourself". be careful with the gift certificate idea, i think thats moving a little too fast for someone who hardly looks twice at themselves in the mirror.

[vashti]

I see men getting manicures and pedicures all the time. They just don't get the polish.

[chaney]

all you have to do is to boost her self confidence by telling her the good qualities she has. and that she's beautiful for you.

[Gigabitch]

You might as well give her a certificate to a plastic surgery facility. While Vashti is right about the fact that she shouldn't be offended by it if it offers all kinds of treatments, she will be.

Of course she will be. Her self-image is shit.

What she needs is some good girlfriends, not a boyfriend who finds fault with her appearance. She sounds like she needs a makeover immediately, but face it, she's just not ready for this.

I think you should ask yourself if you're ready for her. I think you're still in that phase of your life where you see your girlfriend as an accessory to yourself and you're worrying about whether she's making you look bad. Do you see any truth in that?

[bohemiandonut]

You might as well give her a certificate to a plastic surgery facility. While Vashti is right about the fact that she shouldn't be offended by it if it offers all kinds of treatments, she will be.

Of course she will be. Her self-image is shit.

What she needs is some good girlfriends, not a boyfriend who finds fault with her appearance. She sounds like she needs a makeover immediately, but face it, she's just not ready for this.

I think you should ask yourself if you're ready for her. I think you're still in that phase of your life where you see your girlfriend as an accessory to yourself and you're worrying about whether she's making you look bad. Do you see any truth in that?

Oh come on, girlfriends are always accessories. They can be more than this but they are always accessories.

It kind of sounds like maybe she is ready for it. I was really hoping for the girls here to say go for it, but I guess we've learned a thing or two about feminine insecurity, eh ssb? It sounds like you care about this girl and you are obviously not as superficial as you feel - hey you're with her aren't you? Thus you don't want to make her feel even worse than she does about herself, but who really loses when a woman gets her lip ripped? No one!

Still it's a touchy situation. What if you tell her you really need some new clothes, that your jeans are all baggy and such, and propose a nice shopping day? I don't know man. Maybe you should just appreciate that you get to see her naked and all the other shallow fuccks have no idea what they're missing.

[misombra]

if this is your biggest problem, then you are lucky.

[vashti]

I must be feeling more grouchy today, because I am now inclined to advise you to tell her to quit bitching about her eyebrows if she doesn't want to get them fixed.

[misombra]

if you wanna dress something get a freakin doll.

[url]http://www.realdoll.com/[/url]

[bohemiandonut]

if you wanna dress something get a freakin doll.

[url]http://www.realdoll.com/[/url]

Do they have those in Life Size?

[misombra]

[ame="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3710987618964917848&q=documentary& ei=sbEKSPKtOZjQ4gK8gImpBA&hl=en"]Guys And Dolls[/ame]

[Gigabitch]

They have male ones too! Oh, my God, I had no idea you could get a complete dildo stand!

And OP, I think you should just buy her something sexy to wear. Not too sexy- baby steps in the right direction. Try to be patient about it. I can only imagine how she got to the point where she thinks so badly of herself. Her mother must be a real witch.

You have to be willing to take her the way she is, though, just in case she's unable to morph into your vision of the New Her. These things can take a lot of time.