I'm in Love with My Friend

[kasp1346]

Sorry if this post is sticky but I'm a new user so please forgive me. My situation is somewhat unique so I thought I would try a new post. I am in love with a girl that I have known for about ten years now. We went to high school together and have many friends in common. I always thought she was very cute, apparently she was attracted to me as well. Unfortunately, we were never single at the same time, one of us was always in a relationship with someone else.
So high school ends and we go our seperate ways. We lost touch for seven years! One day I found her on Facebook and we got to messaging each other back and forth on occassion. During the holidays of 2006, we were both back in our hometown to visit family. She now lives in Indiana, I'm in Idaho. I was out with my guy friends at a local bar, when she called and asked to see me that night. She comes down to the bar and we ended up talking in the back room by ourselves the entire night. Only stopping for more drinks and potty breaks. My guy friends would come back periodically to give me a rash of shit for spending all night with her. She gave me a ride home from the bar that night. As we sat in her car in front of my house, somehow we just started kissing and it was amazing. We spent quite a bit of time together during our visits home that year, and making out at the end of each time.
Eventually, the holidays ended, I went back to Idaho, her to Indiana. We talked occassionally but not alot. We met again at a bar in our hometown during the holidays of 2007. She said my smile was beaming when I saw her across the bar. I didn't know she was home because we hadn't talked in a while. So we end up hanging out alot over vacation again and making out here and there.
I love it when she giggles and touches my arm from across the table as we talk for hours, spilling our guts to each other. The things she doesn't like about herself are what attract me to her the most. She gained some weight, now she's got curves in all the right places, she got a haircut, now her shorter hair looks just as beautiful, she's not perfect, but neither am I. One night she was quite intoxicated and told me that if I wasn't in Idaho I would be her man. That was the clincher right there. I was (am) in love, and it hurt(s). I know she was drunk but often the truth comes out, it sure felt like the truth to me. I bought her a couple of CD's of her favorite group that were stolen. We had several friends ask us if we were "together" and her ex, who is a nice guy, said he expected to see her with me. Kind of interesting.
So here I am pretty much on the opposite side of the country as her and madly in love with her. I've tried to express my feelings without actually telling her I'm in "Love" with her. I think she feels the same, but she doesn't want to get hurt. She thinks that I am "settling" for her because I have been single for some time now. She also said once that it sounded like I was just trying to get laid. I couldn't disagree more. I was being entirely sincere and her saying that pretty much made me cry. I've thought of her everyday for the past four months...EVERYDAY! More than I've ever thought of anyone I thought I loved in the past, it's almost scary!
Anyways, I'm at a loss as what to do. I value our friendship but I feel she could be a keeper. I could see her as my friend/wife/lover/soul mate. Other women just don't seem to compare to her, regardless of what they might be like. Should I just see what happens? Tell her I "love" her? Pretend we never kissed and both enjoyed it?(She kissed me first, by the way) It's tearing me apart, I want to forget but can't. The holiday season of 2008 is still pretty far away. That's a long time to wait until I can see her again in person. Sorry for the novel, but I could write more, she has that effect on me. Thanks for your input and advice in advance.

[okapa]

I think life isn't that great to allow you to run away from a lot of opportunities. Adding to that, I think that you should follow your heart.

[Whisteria]

hmmm she kissing you first? i say she's got something but she's hiding it...its like with my story of my post if anyone reads it i don't really understand but to me it seems that she's hiding something? i might not be right but i'm guessing. Try to get in contact more with her so you can talk to her more often that way you can find out things, and yes you should just leave it and continue what your doing and see what happens. In my personal opinion if you get to the point where she's giving herself to you then ask her directly so if she hides something you can tell.

[Lozenger]

Heya,

I think you should tell her how you feel - it's always nice to hear that somebody cares for you
She may be a hopeless romantic deep down and may be old fashioned about things. As in, some girls prefer it for the man to ask them out, and for the man to ask for hand in marriage - so maybe she's waiting for you to make the first move

I would go for it because if you don't - you'll probably end up regretting it - especially if you lose her to another guy

Good luck!
xxxxx

[kasp1346]

So I wait a couple of days after posting on loveforum and what do I get but an email from this girl whom I'm in love with. Here's what she said in a couple seperate emails:
Good.. Bad.. I don't know~
I do know that you are still in my thoughts a lot..
Good.. Bad.. I don't know~
I really don't know--- You are my favorite person to keep in my life as an everyday thought-
You are my favorite person to think of everyday....
I don't know-- but I do miss you..
Write me soon

Sometimes we all should be able to disappear and find happiness where happiness exists~
I'm still searching~
Maybe for you ,.. maybe for nothing,.. maybe I want to find that happiness everyone searches forthat leads them to pure utopia.. are u mine, am I yours?
I would love to disappear and end up by your side. You and me .. Me and you.. Fighting for the land and the animals. and enjoying every minute of it together. But what are the chances of me finding my way to you, , and you to me..?
But I need you to help me..
B/c I think of you daily.. Between you and me.. I am stuck~
-Love and happiness or happiness and love~
I need to know your true feelings soon.

So after reading these I wrote her an extremely long letter professing my love to her and everything I love about her. It was a tremendous relief, but I'm scared shitless at the same time. It sounds to me like she feels the same way as I do. Too bad we live 2000 miles away from each other. It will work out I hope. What do you think? Thanks.

[vashti]

I think one of you needs to think about relocating.

[Lozenger]

Yeah, maybe you both could move and meet in the middle
Don't feel bad about moving 1000 miles from home, she'd be your new home (- I'm a bit of a hopless romantic who loves the film "The Notebook" incase you're wondering why I said that )

[kasp1346]

My birthday was on April 11. I just got home from work when the phone rang. It was my friend whom I love dearly, calling to wish me a happy birthday. I don't know if I have ever been happier to hear someone's voice and to hear her laugh. Her phone has been disconnected so we hadn't talked since January except emails. That's another story. She had waited a week since I professed my love to her in an email because she was overwhelmed, we both were. We talked for over an hour and a half on her friends phone. Alot about how we felt and what we should do. I know she loves me, but we don't know what we are going to do.
Here's the kicker...She is in a rough spot right now, especially financially speaking. I might be getting the job of my dreams even further away. She said that she will marry me when I'm 35, so in 8 years. I'll still be waiting for her, hopefully not that long. She said she would be hurt if I found someone else, I know I would be if she did. She thinks she needs happiness first, then true love will follow. I am truly in love with her and I am happy because of that. I wasn't all that happy before I knew how she felt about me.
I've been single for a long time just waiting for the right woman. I found her and am willing to wait longer, I am a patient man. I just hope she can wait too. If I got this job I could provide her with the financial stability she needs. It is tough emotionally sometimes, but I swear it makes me love her even more. I'll be sure to post and let you know what happens. Thanks for any comments or advice.

[vashti]

Uh-oh. It looks like you have the knight-in-shining-armour complex. Do you really expect to wait around for her for 8 years while she looks for happiness?

:

[kasp1346]

I don't want that long but I will. I don't want to push her into moving out here with me. We just have seperate lives right now and it will take some time before we can be together...certainly not 8 years. It was more of just an agreement in case things didn't happen by then. I am no knight in shining armor which is why her love for me is so special.

[vashti]

I'm not sure you should wait at all. It sounds like maybe she is making you her back-up plan. Be careful, my friend.

[Gigabitch]

Just how bad is her circumstance? Can she take care of herself at all?

[kasp1346]

She's taking care of herself all by herself, she's a strong woman. She just needs some time to get back on her feet.

[Gigabitch]

I think you two have a golden opportunity for true love, here. Don't let it slip by just because it was inconvenient. I can't tell you what you should do- you know more about your situation than I do, but I strongly advise you to do whatever it takes to give yourself the chance you deserve.

Don't let this become that thing you regret in your old age. Go for it.

[IndiReloaded]

Just an alternate hypothesis here:

Is it possible her holding back is out of fear of being some kind of 'burden' to you, if she has issues to sort out?

Some ppl coming out of difficult situations develop an unreasonable fear of accepting the support of those who love them. Fear of dependency is a reasonable thing, but some ppl take it to an unreasonable extreme.