2 years and getting bored

[all_i_wanted]

hello hello, new here as you can tell since my post number is 1. and i need some advice, or well just a listening/reading ear, just to get it out there.

brief history, im 21, boyfriend is 22. we have been going out for 2 years now. went backpacking together last summer for 2 months, most amazing experience ever. were planning on moving to Australia in October for a year.
we are each others opposites, im shy quiet dont make friends that easily not into sports etc.
him, outgoing, makes friends easily, into sports; plays soccer 4 times a week.
but with all our differences aside we never fight get along great and always have fun with each other. I trust him unlike anyone else. I think I trust him more than myself.

Issues: ive never been a huge relationship person. i love him and want to be with him, but im getting a little bored with our relationship. it just doesn’t excite me as much as it used to. were starting to bicker more now, nothing ever serious, mostly over our lack of sex life. im not a very intimate touchy person, I was at the beginning of our relationship but could careless right now.

So that’s why this crush I have at work is causing some problems. Im really into this guy at work and my boyfriend could tell and hes obviously getting jealous. I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend but im just curious what it would be like to be with someone new. I miss that giddiness and excitement of liking someone new. I feel like a 13 year old again around this new guy and it feels good.

And I keep looking for reasons to pick fights. Hes still close friends with his ex f-buddy. Shes moved away now but he still keeps in contact with her even though he knows I don’t like it. Hes lost contact with a lot of his friends from university (it was not local uni) so I don’t understand why he still feels the need to contact her. He said he ended between then before we met but when I think back to when we first started dating he talked about her in a very admirable way and quite a bit. So still to this day the mention of her name is like a mini stab every time I hear it.

Am I just over reacting and being jealous? I know im being hypocritical, liking someone else but don’t want him to talk to someone he used to sleep with. I know he loves me greatly but that still doesn’t stop the insecurities.

At times I want to end the relationship but I have no reason too. Im looking forward to our Australian adventure. But I don’t want that to be my main reason im staying with him, which at the moment feels like the only reason im staying and not leaving him. Even just thinking of leaving him scares me.

I would just like some input. Do breaks ever work or just cause issues later on in the relationship? Should I try and make it work since there isn’t any real problems? Should I approach him about the old F-buddy again and say how it bugs me or just stay quite? And how oh how do I drill the thought of this work guy out of my mind!?

[vashti]

You are very young to be settling yourself down for life. Perhaps you are just outgrowing this relationship? Be careful though - your description of your crush leads me to believe you may be a romance junkie, and they are never happy in any relationship for long because they have unreaistic expectations that the romance should last forever. It doesn't. And no - I haven't really seen "breaks" work out in the long run. They are a direct path to a break-up for most people.

[Mish]

I would just like some input. Do breaks ever work or just cause issues later on in the relationship?

If you want to have a break with intent to get back together later on then breaks ussually don't work. Mainly because it's hard to trust the person afterwards. How do you know the break won't happen again? The time and space a break provides gives people an opportunity to get all of the love bugs out of the system. There are so many opportnities out there, why go back to the same old? That's pretty much the feeling you get when you are on the break.

Should I try and make it work since there isn’t any real problems?

That all depends entirely on what you want to achive. There is no right or wrong. But you will feel pain either way you go. The pain of staying in a relationship and working things our or the pain of leaving a healthy relationship and then feel guilty and wonder whether you've made a mistake. The choice of pain is yours. However, from relationship experience point of view this might be a good time to practice on how to work things like these out when issues like these occur. You will have to in the future (unless you choose celibacy).

Should I approach him about the old F-buddy again and say how it bugs me or just stay quite?

Should he approach you about your work buddy? Would you give up this work buddy if he gives up the f-buddy? I think are interesting questions

But I think his interatcion pattern with this buddy is important. For example him sending her an email once a month is not the same as him emailing her every day.

And how oh how do I drill the thought of this work guy out of my mind!?

The easiest way is to cut all contact with him. Don't see him, don't talk to him. With time this infatuation will go away.

[caringheart]

Take some time and be sure of your feelings before you act on them. The guy from work may be your best option but if you explore that you will in some way break the current relationshipp you already have.

If you're in your early 20's the most important thing to remember is to have fun. There's plenty of time to make mistakes so foolow your heart and see where it leads you.

[Gigabitch]

First of all, do NOT move to Australia with him. That would be a mistake.

It sounds to me like you aren't a very passionate match. I think you'd make great friends, but your relationship is getting stale and you're both into other people.

This doesn't have to be the end of the world if you make sure neither one of you gets burned. I see you heading for a breakup eventually and I think that's okay. Just don't make any moves toward this other guy until you're available. I know you don't have any reason to break up, but I don't see that as a good reason to stay together. Don't try to make it something it isn't and have you end up resenting each other just for being who you are.

You should, however, think twice about getting involved with someone you work with. That can be tricky. Also, you might want to look at how realistic your expectations are about that exciting first part of a relationship being the best thing ever. It's fun, but it isn't real and it doesn't last. It's nature's way of getting you to reproduce.

Meh, I guess it's okay to want that. You're young and, I assume, being responsible about not getting pregnant or passing STI's around. Just don't break any hearts in your quest for heart-pounding infatuation.

[danhowe04]

You ARE who my girlfriend was 6 weeks ago...

If you like him but are having problems, just communicate honestly and in a way that isn't mean or argumentative. But you have to be COMPLETELY open and honest about exactly how you feel, otherwise there's no point of saying anything at all.

Tell him how you feel, and what you're missing, and that you both need to work on things a little bit to be better for each other. If he doesn't take it seriously then you should move on, but hopefully he will realize that he can't just take things for granted and stop having fun with you.

Again, all of this is only IF you think you really like him and are good for each other.